that they all happened to “a friend of a friend” makes you wonder if this sort of crazy shit is true. The answer may scare you into never being sexy again.
DIRTY DOG
THE LEGEND: Curious about sex, a lonely teenage girl stuck a frozen hot dog-up her vagina. When she tried to get it out, she couldn’t! The hot dog had gone too far inside her, and she had to go to the hospital to have it removed.
True or false: TRUE!
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: This legend is based on a terrifying chain of events that happened to Jenny Fillmore of Boulder, Colorado. What started as a midnight snack turned into an all-you-can eat humiliation buffet, served up with a pair of warm tongs.
Jenny, a shy freshman at John Elway High School, had been craving a hot dog all day When she pulled one out of the freezer she couldn’t help but notice it was the same size and shape as the penis illustrated in her health book. Her curiosity piqued, Jenny smuggled the uncooked wiener to her bedroom. She’d planned to let it thaw out to what she guessed was penis temperature, but when her dad knocked on the door, Jenny panicked. Not knowing how to explain having a frozen hot dog in her room, she stuffed it up her vagina. When the coast was clear Jenny tried to retrieve it, but there was nothing to grab on to. The frankfurter had gone frankly-further than she’d wanted it to. Jenny screamed in horror as she realized she’d become the human bun to this hot dog from hell.
When Jenny arrived at the hospital she wasn’t sure what to tell the ER staff. Luckily, removing frozen hot dogs from vaginas was one of the first things they taught in med school. Expert hands reversed Jenny’s plight, but the school bully Kenneth “Swirly” Giles happened to be at the same hospital getting treated for a minor stomach explosion caused by mixing Pop Rocks and Coke. He heard why Jenny was there and told all of his friends shortly before he died from cherry blood bubbles.
PEANUT BUTTER SURPRISE
THE LEGEND: This guy totally walked in on another guy putting peanut butter on his dick and letting his dog lick it off.
True or false: TRUE!
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: The peanut butter pervert was Jonathan Duke of Downers Grave, Illinois. But it wasn’t peanut butter, It was Nutella, The Original Hazelnut Spread.
Jonathan had been having a bad day. No one had remembered it was his birthday, not even the cute receptionist Julia. Frustrated by loneliness and an extended romantic dry spell, Jonathan decided to turn to some creature comfort after work. He knew his Boston terrier, Sandy, loved the rich and creamy taste of Nutella. So much, in fact, that she would hardly notice whether she was licking it off his finger or his lonely birthday penis. Convinced his beloved pooch wouldn’t be traumatized, Jonathan slathered his member with Nutella’s chocolaty goodness. Soon the dark kitchen was filled with the sounds of Sandy’s lapping and Jonathan’s ecstatic moans.
Little did Jonathan know his friends, coworkers, parents, grand-parents, and even the cute receptionist Julia were hiding in the den, waiting to throw him a surprise birthday party. After hearing strange sounds coming from the kitchen, the well-wishers decided to investigate. Clicking on the lights, they shouted something along the lines of “Surpriii-oh my GOD!” and Jonathan saw both his dignity and his erection disappear before his eyes. Even the dog was mortified, but only because she’d missed the last heavenly dollop of Nutella on Jonathan’s hazelnut nutsack.
RODENT TO PERDITION
THE LEGEND: A certain famous actor had a live gerbil up his anus.
True or false: TRUE!
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: The actor was Clarence T. Conway of the Stony Brook Players and the gerbil belonged to his son Rudy’s first-grade class. Rudy had volunteered to take care of Yu-Gi-Oh:’ The Gerbil (whose name had been decided by a class vote) over the Christmas break.
One night, Clarence tossed and turned as he tried to rest up for the
DIRTY DOG
THE LEGEND: Curious about sex, a lonely teenage girl stuck a frozen hot dog-up her vagina. When she tried to get it out, she couldn’t! The hot dog had gone too far inside her, and she had to go to the hospital to have it removed.
True or false: TRUE!
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: This legend is based on a terrifying chain of events that happened to Jenny Fillmore of Boulder, Colorado. What started as a midnight snack turned into an all-you-can eat humiliation buffet, served up with a pair of warm tongs.
Jenny, a shy freshman at John Elway High School, had been craving a hot dog all day When she pulled one out of the freezer she couldn’t help but notice it was the same size and shape as the penis illustrated in her health book. Her curiosity piqued, Jenny smuggled the uncooked wiener to her bedroom. She’d planned to let it thaw out to what she guessed was penis temperature, but when her dad knocked on the door, Jenny panicked. Not knowing how to explain having a frozen hot dog in her room, she stuffed it up her vagina. When the coast was clear Jenny tried to retrieve it, but there was nothing to grab on to. The frankfurter had gone frankly-further than she’d wanted it to. Jenny screamed in horror as she realized she’d become the human bun to this hot dog from hell.
When Jenny arrived at the hospital she wasn’t sure what to tell the ER staff. Luckily, removing frozen hot dogs from vaginas was one of the first things they taught in med school. Expert hands reversed Jenny’s plight, but the school bully Kenneth “Swirly” Giles happened to be at the same hospital getting treated for a minor stomach explosion caused by mixing Pop Rocks and Coke. He heard why Jenny was there and told all of his friends shortly before he died from cherry blood bubbles.
PEANUT BUTTER SURPRISE
THE LEGEND: This guy totally walked in on another guy putting peanut butter on his dick and letting his dog lick it off.
True or false: TRUE!
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: The peanut butter pervert was Jonathan Duke of Downers Grave, Illinois. But it wasn’t peanut butter, It was Nutella, The Original Hazelnut Spread.
Jonathan had been having a bad day. No one had remembered it was his birthday, not even the cute receptionist Julia. Frustrated by loneliness and an extended romantic dry spell, Jonathan decided to turn to some creature comfort after work. He knew his Boston terrier, Sandy, loved the rich and creamy taste of Nutella. So much, in fact, that she would hardly notice whether she was licking it off his finger or his lonely birthday penis. Convinced his beloved pooch wouldn’t be traumatized, Jonathan slathered his member with Nutella’s chocolaty goodness. Soon the dark kitchen was filled with the sounds of Sandy’s lapping and Jonathan’s ecstatic moans.
Little did Jonathan know his friends, coworkers, parents, grand-parents, and even the cute receptionist Julia were hiding in the den, waiting to throw him a surprise birthday party. After hearing strange sounds coming from the kitchen, the well-wishers decided to investigate. Clicking on the lights, they shouted something along the lines of “Surpriii-oh my GOD!” and Jonathan saw both his dignity and his erection disappear before his eyes. Even the dog was mortified, but only because she’d missed the last heavenly dollop of Nutella on Jonathan’s hazelnut nutsack.
RODENT TO PERDITION
THE LEGEND: A certain famous actor had a live gerbil up his anus.
True or false: TRUE!
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: The actor was Clarence T. Conway of the Stony Brook Players and the gerbil belonged to his son Rudy’s first-grade class. Rudy had volunteered to take care of Yu-Gi-Oh:’ The Gerbil (whose name had been decided by a class vote) over the Christmas break.
One night, Clarence tossed and turned as he tried to rest up for the
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