‘Tyler Lawless?’ she called out.
I stood up and followed her along a corridor and into a curtained booth. ‘Doctor will be with you shortly.’
‘You mean I’ve got to wait again?’
Her smile wavered. ‘The doctor will be with you as quickly as possible.’
I phoned Paul again. It rang and rang, and I imagined the house still and silent except for that ringing phone, saw my aunt still sleeping, and the phone lying on the floor and Paul . . . nowhere. An open door, an empty room.
I jumped in surprise when he answered. ‘Tyler, give me a break.’
‘I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m so worried, it’s as if I know something is going to happen.’
‘Well, I can’t feel anything. Honest. Your aunt hasn’t stirred.’
The curtain was suddenly pulled across and the doctor stepped in. Doctor Ho , his badge read. ‘You are not allowed to use your phone in here.’
Another muttered apology and I switched the phone off without even a goodbye.
The nurse appeared behind the doctor. Her face was grim. ‘She’s been warned about that before,’ she said it as if I was some kind of persistent troublemaker.
Doctor Ho unwrapped the dressing from my arm. The gash looked to me like a gaping mouth. My legs turned to jelly.
‘How did this happen?’ he asked.
I wished I could tell him the truth. I looked into his eyes. I wasn’t good at lies.
His eyes moved to mine. My hesitation wasn’t impressing him at all. ‘How did this happen?’ he asked again.
‘I was making a sandwich . . . and the knife slipped.’
His long fingers moving around my arm, stopped. Again his eyes met mine. ‘It must have slipped with a lot of force to give you a cut like this.’
‘What do you mean?’ My voice was shaking.
Did I look guilty? I must have. The nurse whispered something to the doctor behind her closed hand.
‘Have you ever cut yourself like this before?’ he asked now.
And my eyes automatically shot to the cut on my other arm. He saw it too. It was obviously what the nurse had spotted. ‘That,’ I stuttered, ‘that was an accident too.’
But what they were thinking hit me like a brick. Self-harm.
‘You think I did this to myself !’ I shouted, though I didn’t mean to. ‘It was an accident!’
Yet, even as I said it, I knew I sounded as if I was telling a lie. But I was lying. Because it wasn’t an accident. Sister Kelly had been responsible for that too. And I couldn’t tell them that.
The doctor took a deep breath. ‘You’re going to need a few stitches,’ he said and then turned to the nurse. ‘Get it cleaned up and stitched.’
The nurse began cleaning up my wound. ‘Will this take long? I have to get back home.’ I tried to explain as calmly as I could. ‘Look, my aunt’s not well. I’ve been trying to get a doctor for her. I’m on my own, I need to get back to her.’
And all the while I spoke I knew I was giving them more reasons that would make them think I would self-harm. I had too many problems for a teenager to cope with.
‘Would you like to speak to a social worker? They might be able to help.’
That was the last thing I needed. I just wanted to get out of this hospital and to be back with Aunt Belle.
‘No, no. I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I’ll be fine.’
Twenty minutes later I was stitched and bandaged and ready to leave. In the foyer I opened my phone to call a taxi, but the receptionist rapped at the glass of her booth and shook her head. She pointed outside.
I looked back as I stepped through the automatic doors. Doctor Ho was deep in conversation with a policeman. And of course the policeman, probably the only policeman in this little community, had to be Sergeant Ross. They were talking about me, no doubt about that. As I looked, they both turned to me. Sergeant Ross nodded, acknowledging something Doctor Ho was saying. That I was a danger to myself probably. To make matters worse, I began to run as if I was guilty. As if they might just come after me.
The
I stood up and followed her along a corridor and into a curtained booth. ‘Doctor will be with you shortly.’
‘You mean I’ve got to wait again?’
Her smile wavered. ‘The doctor will be with you as quickly as possible.’
I phoned Paul again. It rang and rang, and I imagined the house still and silent except for that ringing phone, saw my aunt still sleeping, and the phone lying on the floor and Paul . . . nowhere. An open door, an empty room.
I jumped in surprise when he answered. ‘Tyler, give me a break.’
‘I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m so worried, it’s as if I know something is going to happen.’
‘Well, I can’t feel anything. Honest. Your aunt hasn’t stirred.’
The curtain was suddenly pulled across and the doctor stepped in. Doctor Ho , his badge read. ‘You are not allowed to use your phone in here.’
Another muttered apology and I switched the phone off without even a goodbye.
The nurse appeared behind the doctor. Her face was grim. ‘She’s been warned about that before,’ she said it as if I was some kind of persistent troublemaker.
Doctor Ho unwrapped the dressing from my arm. The gash looked to me like a gaping mouth. My legs turned to jelly.
‘How did this happen?’ he asked.
I wished I could tell him the truth. I looked into his eyes. I wasn’t good at lies.
His eyes moved to mine. My hesitation wasn’t impressing him at all. ‘How did this happen?’ he asked again.
‘I was making a sandwich . . . and the knife slipped.’
His long fingers moving around my arm, stopped. Again his eyes met mine. ‘It must have slipped with a lot of force to give you a cut like this.’
‘What do you mean?’ My voice was shaking.
Did I look guilty? I must have. The nurse whispered something to the doctor behind her closed hand.
‘Have you ever cut yourself like this before?’ he asked now.
And my eyes automatically shot to the cut on my other arm. He saw it too. It was obviously what the nurse had spotted. ‘That,’ I stuttered, ‘that was an accident too.’
But what they were thinking hit me like a brick. Self-harm.
‘You think I did this to myself !’ I shouted, though I didn’t mean to. ‘It was an accident!’
Yet, even as I said it, I knew I sounded as if I was telling a lie. But I was lying. Because it wasn’t an accident. Sister Kelly had been responsible for that too. And I couldn’t tell them that.
The doctor took a deep breath. ‘You’re going to need a few stitches,’ he said and then turned to the nurse. ‘Get it cleaned up and stitched.’
The nurse began cleaning up my wound. ‘Will this take long? I have to get back home.’ I tried to explain as calmly as I could. ‘Look, my aunt’s not well. I’ve been trying to get a doctor for her. I’m on my own, I need to get back to her.’
And all the while I spoke I knew I was giving them more reasons that would make them think I would self-harm. I had too many problems for a teenager to cope with.
‘Would you like to speak to a social worker? They might be able to help.’
That was the last thing I needed. I just wanted to get out of this hospital and to be back with Aunt Belle.
‘No, no. I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I’ll be fine.’
Twenty minutes later I was stitched and bandaged and ready to leave. In the foyer I opened my phone to call a taxi, but the receptionist rapped at the glass of her booth and shook her head. She pointed outside.
I looked back as I stepped through the automatic doors. Doctor Ho was deep in conversation with a policeman. And of course the policeman, probably the only policeman in this little community, had to be Sergeant Ross. They were talking about me, no doubt about that. As I looked, they both turned to me. Sergeant Ross nodded, acknowledging something Doctor Ho was saying. That I was a danger to myself probably. To make matters worse, I began to run as if I was guilty. As if they might just come after me.
The
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