Sarah's Baby by Margaret Way

you pregnant years ago. Then you’d never have been able to leave me. We would’ve been together—would’ve stayed together.”
    She turned her head away.
    â€œI could make you pregnant now.” He fought to block a powerful, near-violent flood of emotion. “God knows that’s what I want. You made a mess of my life, Sarah, not just yours. If I meant so little to you, why aren’t you married? Has what happened between us made you frigid? We were in love—it wasn’t a sin.”
    â€œThen why do you feel so guilty?” she asked tempestuously. What did he know of her pain? He’d been spared.
    He caught the back of her head. “Sarah, you’re a highly intelligent woman, a trained doctor, not a neurotic with sexual problems.” His tone was deliberately controlled, bone-dry. “You’ve always denied it, but I can only conclude my grandmother threw a scare into you and your mother.”
    â€œWhat would you have done had you known?” sheasked, trying to speak more quietly. “How could you have helped? You were sixteen!”
    He studied her tormented, unsmiling face. “My grandmother has never ruled my life the way she has others. I’d almost become a man. Was a man after that night. I would’ve defended you, Sarah. You and your mother. You only had to tell me. My grandmother holds no terrors for me. Or mine. I could never in my heart believe what she told me—that you were ambitious. That you wanted an education above anything else. That you wanted to be a doctor and didn’t want the distraction of adolescent love.”
    â€œI had to start looking after myself, my future,” she responded bluntly, thinking she couldn’t bear his anger and bitter disillusionment.
    â€œThis is a good time to ask. You weren’t pregnant, were you? I’ve tortured myself with that.”
    â€œOh, Kyall…” It sounded like a lament. For lament it was.
    â€œAll right, all right, I’m sorry.” His apology was swift. “I know you would’ve told me. But it seemed a real possibility, so I had to consider it.”
    â€œWe only made love once.”
    He threw her a derisive glance. “Once is all it takes. You know that better than I do. Have you had other partners, Sarah? Other lovers?”
    â€œFabulous ones!” She gave a short laugh and looked skyward. “No, I haven’t been able to form any long-term relationships, Kyall. Anyway, I’ve been too busy.”
    â€œYet you’re a passionate woman. You wouldn’t have given up sex.”
    She shrugged. “Sex is great, but I couldn’t get serious about anyone. Consider that. I’m the victim of a forbidden love.” She laughed ironically. “In the grip of an obsession. I don’t know if I love you or hate you, Kyall McQueen,but I have to tell you this. I utterly and completely refuse to marry you.”
    He suppressed the urge to shake her. “Could it be that you’re emotionally stunted?” he demanded angrily. “If it were anyone else, I’d take it as a sign of immaturity. Poor Sarah,” he mocked. “Do you really think you can admit to loving me or hating me—what’s the difference?—and then run off again? What sort of crazy strategy is that? You’ll never be free of me. You’d better understand that.”
    â€œWhat about India Claydon?” she flung at him. “She’s madly in love with you.”
    â€œIndia is no match for you, Sarah.”
    â€œBut you keep her around.”
    â€œMy grandmother keeps her around,” he corrected. “India is one of the few people she approves of. God knows why.”
    â€œBecause India will carry on the grand tradition and she’ll never be fool enough to cross your grandmother.”
    â€œExactly. But I’m not going to marry India. I want you. That’s not about to change.”
    A cooling breeze