Santa Claus by Santa Responds: He's Had Enough.and He's Writing Back!

Dear Santa,
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    This year, I have been a very good girl. I have done a few bad things, but I help my mommy with the dishes all the time. And I always say thank you, and so I deserve lots of presents this year!
    Please bring all of these things for me this Christmas because I am planning on leaving you milk and cookies on the table. I would like all of the Harry Potter sheets, action figures and movies. Please don’t forget to bring a bicycle with pink ribbons and a basket too. If you can only bring one thing, please bring a puppy—mom and dad won’t mind.
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    P.S. My little sister has not been very good this year because she broke my headbands and pinched me, so if you need extra room in your sleigh you can put my stuff in instead of hers.
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    Thanks Santa!
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    Love,
Andra

    Dear Andra,
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    A few bad things?! I think you seriously underestimate either your behavior or my intelligence. I’m used to kids trying to sell out their siblings, but rarely do they sink so low as to attribute to them the misdeeds that they themselves are guilty of. We both know that you in fact are the one who broke your sister’s headbands and then pinched her when she tried to tell your mother. This despicable tactic may be useful for a politician, but you’re not running for anything here other than gift recipient.
    Which brings me to your wish list. I’m sick and tired of Harry Potter , and I don’t just mean lugging the heavy things around. In case you haven’t noticed, it’s the same damn story, book after book after book. Who cares if the ancillary stuff is inventive when the plots themselves suck?! The bookstores are filled with thousands of other books, almost all of which are better written than any Harry Potter title. Personally, I would recommend a series entitled The Extraordinary Adventures of Ordinary Boy . They’re just as much fun, and will also show you how not to be such a sucker. Try reading some of them. Oh, wait. That’s right, they don’t come with matching sheets!!
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    Grow up,
SANTA

Dear Santa,
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    My big sister told me that you can see everything that goes on from the North Pole. That means that you can tell whether all the boys and girls in the whole world have been good or bad. I am writing you this letter to remind you that I have been very good this year. I just wanted to let you know in case you missed me because I am so small. I would really like to see your reindeer and give them some carrots, but I know you visit when I am asleep. So I wanted to help you out this year and tell you what I might like. I would really like some dolls and a new tea cup set. I also like stuffed animals, cats are my favorite. Merry Christmas Santa, see you soon.
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    Love,
Marisol, age 6
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    P.S.. keep an eye on my sister, she steals cookies!!

    Dear Marisol,
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    You had me all the way through your letter, but then you went and blew it at the very end by ratting out your sister. What kind of a traitor are you? I know full well what your sister is capable of, but up until now, I never suspected how small and petty you could be. It saddens me that the lovely Wedgwood Tiny Tea Service I had set aside for you, and the giant-size stuffed Simba we’ve been working to complete for months will now be going to someone far more deserving.
    Perhaps your sister.
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    Cheers!
SANTA

Dear Santa,
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    Remember when I asked you for a microscope—as I recall I Was pretty specific about the model and you sent me what amounted to a glorified magnifying glass, thus rendering the cool slides my sister bought me useless? No? Well, I Do. Somehow, even though I suspected that you didn’t exist, I clung to the belief that you Would come through for me, just once. I spent the better part of that year being quite “nice.” when Kim Kempke called me names on the playground and threw dirt at me at recess, I just said, “Sticks and stones