Santa Claus by Santa Responds: He's Had Enough.and He's Writing Back! Page A

may break my bones but names Will never Hurt me.” You and I both know what a brat that kid Was, but I took it because I knew that you Were watching.
    when I got in trouble for taking the last Creamsicle, even though my SISTER Had eaten it, I didn’t rat Her out because there is a pretty fine line when it comes to sticking up for yourself or being a snitch and yet there I Was on Christmas morning trying to be gracious when I opened that sorry excuse for a microscope.

    My sister and brother both gave me the same look they reserve for our cousin. You know, the one my Dad calls “simple.”
    I Was Heartbroken. what in Heaven’s name Were you thinking? Was it a last minute gesture? I realize my last name is at the end of the alphabet, but I thought a kid Would get some credit for taking it on the chin a couple of times during the year without complaint.
    There Were many times I Wanted to be naughty, but the thought of losing out because I gave Danny Arico a charley Horse Was more than I could bear.
    I weighed my options and realized that nothing Would get in my Way when it came to that microscope. Except Santa Claus Himself, apparently.
    Well, let me be the first to say that while you may Have come through in years past, I am no longer your biggest supporter.
    The Word is out. People know that you are a fair weather friend and you Have been marked lousy. Once that Happens there is no Way you can get back on my good side.

    Not even if you brought me, say...a brand new bike. It’s too late, Santa.
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    It’s not that I don’t believe in you, it’s that I don’t Have much faith in your “powers.”
    So from now on, the gloves are off. Naughty? You got it, buddy.
    Let’s see what you do with that.
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    Your friend,
Paige warwick
a dissatisfied customer
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    P.S. And Kim Kempke? SHE got the Barbie Dream House AND the Corvette. Justice? I think not.

    Dear Paige,
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    When did you turn into such a little bitch?
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    Your friend,
SANTA

Dear Santa Clause,
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    I think that I have been very bad this year. Do you want to know some things I did? O.K. I’ll tell you anyway. First of all, I have been planning to dominate the world. I’ve done other bad things also. That is the worst. Now, I will name some things that you will get me (or else). I want a giant machine gun to blow up the world with. I want a big evil Barbie doll. I want my own elf. If I don’t get these then I will be extremely mad. So mad that I will blow up the world anyway. So Santa Clause, the world is doomed no matter what.
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    Hugs and Kisses,
Rianna

    Dear Rianna,
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    I think it’s time to see your doctor about taking you off of the Ritalin.
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    Calmly yours,
DR. SANTA

Dear Father Christmas,
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    Do you know some kid who might possibly fancy a little sister? My sister is always getting into my stuff and following me around. She always tosses her peas at me at dinner, and I worry she might throw her fork.
    She draws in the books you gave me and got my fish water dirty TWICE!
    I know I’m supposed to write you a list-you told me this at Harrod’s, remember? So all that’s on my list is: #1-GIVE away my sister!!!!!!!!!!!
    Sincerely,
Giles
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    P.S.-I know my parents will be upset but I’ll give them my fish to watch.

    Dear Giles,
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    This is a common request of little boys. What you don’t yet understand is that boys are given sisters for a very important biological reason, and that is to prepare them for the future torture of having wives. Women are maddening creatures and the only way that nature can make us ready for such a trial is to train us from childhood to cope with their aggravating behavior. Girls are saddled with brothers for a similar reason. Just be grateful you’re not an only child. Marriage is often such a shock to them that they seldom survive it.
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    Your fellow bloke,
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    FATHER CHRISTMAS
    (P.S. Whatever