Room Service by Frank Moorhouse

I’m different.
    We’ll call it off then.
    We’ve broken up. We’ve busted up. I broke it off.
    I’ve given him up as a bad job.
    It’s all over between us.
    What’s your name? Would you like to go for a drive?
    Not on the first date.
    We hardly know each other.
    How little that which thou deny’st me is …
    Let’s get to know each other a little better.
    Had we but World enough, and Time,
    This coyness Lady were no crime …
    If you really love someone it’s OK.
    I love you and I’ll love you until the twelfth of never and that’s a long long time.
    Love oh love oh careless love.
    FM l WH true.
    We were made for each other.
    But what if we had a baby?
    True love has a guardian angel on high with nothing to do,
    but to care for you and to care for me, love forever true.
    But that’s all you want to do now when we go out.
    It was different at first.
    One-track mind.
    Don’t you ever think of anything else?
    There’s something you should know.
    I can’t tell you over the telephone.
    I’m overdue.
    Sorry, false alarm.
    I’m afraid I have something pretty important to tell you.
    Of course I’m sure.
    This time I’m sure.
    You’re going to be a father.
    How does that grab you?
    I’m pregnant. I’m with child. I’m expecting, I’m in the pudding club. I’m in the family way. Bun in the oven.
    Of course it’s yours … I resent that.
    No … I won’t find out the name of a doctor.
    The cold light of day.
    If we love each other everything will be alright.
    I want a proper wedding.
    Well you’ll have to tell them sooner or later.
    I’ll only say love and honour I won’t say obey.
    Dearly beloved we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony.
    My very dearest wife.
    My very dearest husband.
    Will you still find me attractive after I’ve had children?
    Will you still love me when my looks are gone?
    Will you still love me when I’m old and grey?
    Will you still love me when you have to look across at me every morning at the breakfast table?
    A penny for them.
    What goes on in your head?
    Talk to me just once in a while.
    It may have escaped your notice, but I live here too.
    You’d feel better if you talked about it.
    It says in the magazines that it is better to talk.
    You keep everything inside you.
    But how could you: She’s my best friend!
    But how could you: She’s old enough to be your mother!
    But how could you: She’s been with everyone in town!
    So it’s come to this has it?
    There’s a race of men that don’t fit in,
    It’s a race that can’t be still,
    So they break the hearts of kith and kin,
    And they roam the world at will.
    Poetry doesn’t mend anything.
    I can forgive you but it will never be the same again.
    Don’t touch me.
    If you won’t talk to me will you talk to a doctor?
    It’s a race that can’t be still,
    so they break the hearts of kith and kin, and they roam
    the world at will.
    Alright then, that’s it, is it?
    Alright then, is that all you have to say?
    Alright then, it’s come to this has it?
    Alright then, you can tell your mother and father, I’m not.
    Alright then, but don’t expect baby and me to be here
    when you come crawling back.
    And they roam the world at will.

Playground Justice and Being Fair
    Heads I win, tails you lose. Granny’s rules. Last in’s lousy. I’ll fight you for it. It’s my turn now. Fair’s fair. You had first go last time. But you can be first next time. You said that yesterday. You can be first tomorrow. But tomorrow never comes. No playing favourites. But that’s not fair. Granny’s rules. That’s cheating. Come on, fair go. Cheats don’t prosper. Flukes don’t count. Who says it’s a fluke. Granny’s rules. Best out