Room Service by Frank Moorhouse Page A

of three. Who says. I say. How do you get to say. Because I’m the oldest and you’re the youngest. I bags it. But I saw it first. Finderskeepers Losersweepers. Who says. I say. Because I’m the biggest. Swap you. I’ll lend it to you until lunchtime. But you’ve go two. Share and share alike. Fair’s fair. Fair share. Share and share alike. Fair’s fair. Fair share. Go you halves. Don’t be a crybaby. Don’t be a cissy. Don’t be yellow. Take it like a man. Learn to take your medicine. But you hit below the belt. Don’t be a bad sport. You lost your temper. Because I’m bigger than you. Because if you don’t I’ll tell my brother. Pick on someone your own age. Pick on someone your own size. But you ganged up on me. You’ll cop it. You’ll get yours. I’ll get you back for that. I’ll get my own back, you’ll see. You promised not to tell. You dobbed me in. Now we’re quits. You’re on myside. I’ll stick up for you if you’ll stick up for me. I won’t tell on you if you don’t tell on me. You’re not in this game. Because we say you’re not. Coming ready or not. First to the tree and back gets it. Because they’re the rules. Who says. I say. Why. Because I’m the biggest. Granny’s rules. Bet you I’m right. Shake on it. I’m the boss of the game. Why. Because I own the bat. That doesn’t count, I’ll give you a start. Bags be first. Because I had my fingers crossed. Fair’s fair. Do us a favour. Tell tale tittle tongue your tongue will split and the puppy dogs will all get a bit. Let’s vote on it. Because you’re a girl. Because girls don’t count. Because you’re too little. They’re all your friends. Promise not to tell. You’ll be sorry. I’ll be in it if you’ll be in it. I won’t tell on you if you don’t tell on me. I’m the King of the Castle and you’re the dirty rascal. Silence in the court the monkey wants to talk the first one to talk is a monkey. Wait for me you promised. But you promised. Cross your heart and spit your death. On your honour. On your oath. I’ll fight you for it. Let’s go halves. Fair’s fair. Share and share alike. Shake on it.

Tortures, Jealousy Tests and Getting Tough
    I tortured Jenny Little, now an actress in London, with the Chinese burn. Telephone Jenny Little in East Sheen and ask her if she remembers being tortured at Nowra Infants School near the Headmistress’s garden with the Chinese burn. The garden where you found nuts you could shoot at each other’s eyes with your thumb. Along from the trees that at the right time of the year provided the rough nuts on the end of a stalk, a blow from which could cause a headache. Or if these were out of season, you could roll your handkerchief and twist it into a cosh, which each year had to be banned because of headaches. You had to be careful or the girls would hold you down and kiss you. Finger cracking will make your knuckles larger. Being double-jointed was a good thing and could be demonstrated now and then when remembered. Blushing, warts, ear wax, toe jam, snot eating, and excreta smells were something to watch for in others and to be quickly pointed out with derision until the person cried. Farts should always be denied. Muscle biceps were to be developed by flexing and lifting of weights when remembered. If you wanted to be a commando. Chinese burns were inflicted by grasping the flesh of the forearm with both hands and twisting one hand clockwise and theother other wise. Tongue poking was always an insult and deserved retaliation. Face pulling could be used to force someone to laugh and get them into trouble, but you had to watch for the wind changing. Holding up your little finger would always make someone laugh, if you kept a straight face. Tortures, apart from the dreaded Chinese burn, included forcing someone to the ground,