Room Service by Frank Moorhouse Page B

sitting on them, pinning their arms with your knees and drumming on their chests with your fingers, or the Chinese water torture – dripping water on their forehead drop by drop until they went mad and were never the same again, which we never got right, or by bringing the blade of a pocket knife close to the throat, or by tickling the feet or armpits or by holding someone’s nose and covering their mouth until they smothered. Or gagging someone with a dirty handkerchief and tying them up and leaving them. Tortures can be used to extract secrets or to make someone cry. You can give yourself a 240-volt shock by biting hard on both little fingers, linking the fingers and pulling sharply. If the light shines through the palms of your hand when you hold a torch to it you will always be broke when you grow up. If the letter M appears in the lines on the palms of your hands you’ll marry. A blow to the temple will kill, a blow to the throat will cause choking (ask Clive Robertson, who was hit near the bubblers). You can hit someone in the throat if he is older. A blow to the stomach will cause winding, a blow to the jaw will cause unconsciousness. No hitting below the belt. No punching in the kidneys.Is being unconscious the same as being asleep or is it more like being hypnotised? What’s being hypnotised like? What hap pens when a girl faints like Isabella Smart? Place your palms together, cross your thumbs: if the left thumb goes over the right you’re artistic. The monkey grip cannot be broken. You’ll die if you swallow your tongue. If you have flat feet you cannot join the commandos and you’ll never win a race. If you close your eyes and hold your breath, black will become white and you will see the stars. Holding your breath underwater until you see stars is good for your condition. If you punch with your thumb inside your fist you’ll break your thumb. Girls can spit, bite, slap, pinch and pull hair. Boys can punch, thump, strangle and kick. Turning around in circles with your eyes shut is a way of making yourself sick if you have to. If you rub hair oil in your hands or pepper tree leaves, a caning won’t hurt. Never admit to an enemy that anything can hurt you. Can you whistle by putting your little fingers in the corners of your mouth? A boy may pinch a girl’s backside, but nowhere else. A girl can pinch anywhere. Boys can tickle girls, and vice versa. Tickling someone can send them mad. You blind a cat by putting soap powder in its eyes, which could be used against an enemy, or pepper. You can give someone a horse bite by savagely grasping the flesh at the top of the arm with your hand. You can give someone a rabbit killer by chopping them on the back of the neck with the edge of your hand. You can give a cork leg by kicking someone’s thigh with your knee. Can you patyour head and rub your stomach at the same time? Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Can you roll your eyes until only the whites are showing? If you hold someone’s arm in a bucket of water they’ll have to go to the lavatory. If you make the other person’s nose bleed you’ve won. If you pin someone’s arm to the ground to the count of three, you’ve won. If you twist someone’s arm up their back until they say give in, you’ve won. Eating raw ginger and standing on your head for long periods are ways of becoming tough. You can stick a pin through the skin of your finger and it doesn’t hurt. If you suck the soft part of your under arm you can give yourself a love bite. Knuckles is the toughest game there is. Hold your clenched fist against another boy’s fist and count one-two-three. The fastest boy brings his knuckles down on the other’s knuckles as hard as he can, causing immense pain. Drinking ink can kill you. Filling your mouth with water and wiping away any trace of it and then going up to someone and spitting it in their face is a form of surprise