Red Dirt Diary 3 by Katrina Nannestad Page B

‘Is wearing your undies back to front bad for your health?’
    Thursday, 12 July
    Mat’s face is still green, just like mine. Saw her today at Ben’s house when we met to finish organising The Bake Tribulation . Bucket, the postman, said he’ll pick the newspapers up at Ben’s farm tomorrow morning and deliver them around the community on his mail run.
    Ben wouldn’t show me part four of ‘Heart’s Triumph’. He said he wants it to be a surprise when I read the paper tomorrow. I’m sure it will be!
    I was hoping that Mat’s article, ‘Waterproof lipstick — everything you need to know’, might have been her idea of using her wisdom andmaturity to help others in the community. No such luck.
    She has written a questionnaire that will fill a whole page of The Bake Tribulation :
    How mature are you?
    It is important to know how mature you are. It is totally lame when you see immature people out and about trying to lead normal, happy lives. Take this quick quiz to find out the truth about yourself:
    1. What do you do when you look through fashion magazines?
    a) Decide which clothes and make-up you would look good in.
    b) Point to the clothes you hate and say, ‘Yuck!’
    c) Draw moustaches and vampire teeth on all the models.
    2. What do you do when someone tells a funny joke?
    a) Smile carefully so that you don’t scrunch your face up too much.
    b) Laugh and smile with your mouth open.
    c) Laugh so hard that you snort like a pig.
    3. What do you do when a boy burps out loud?
    a) Give him a withering stare.
    b) Say, ‘That’s gross,’ but laugh a bit anyway.
    c) See if you can do an even bigger burp just to show off.
    4. If you are walking along and see a dog poo on the ground, what do you do?
    a) Roll your eyes and fan your face until someone removes it.
    b) Screw up your face and say, ‘Poo!’
    c) Kick it out of the way and laugh so hard that you snort like a pig.

    5. What is your favourite thing to do on a quiet evening at home?
    a) File your fingernails and watch a romantic movie.
    b) Play Monopoly and eat chocolate biscuits.
    c) Run around in the dark playing spotlight and hunting rats.
    6. A handsome boy asks you out on a date. What do you do?
    a) Flutter your eyelashes and say, ‘Thank you. That would be delightful.’
    b) Say, ‘I’ll have to check with my mum first.’
    c) Laugh so hard that you snort like a pig.
    7. An ugly boy asks you on a date. What do you do?
    a) Give him a withering stare and say, ‘I don’t think so!’
    b) Say, ‘I’ll have to check with my mum first.’
    c) Accept and go on a date so that you don’t hurt his feelings.
    Â 
    Scoring: Score 10 points for every a, 5 points for every b, 1 point for every c.
    What your total score means:
7–15 You are completely immature. I don’t mean to sound cruel, but you are a total embarrassment to your family and friends. There is no hope for you.
16–45 You are quite immature but there is hope. Grow up and stop acting like a child.
46–70 Congratulations. You are mature, attractive and intelligent.
    I am totally immature. I did the quiz when I got home and scored 7. What’s wrong with laughing so hard that you snort like a pig? Or drawing moustaches and vampire teeth on the models in a magazine? That’s not immature. It’s just fun.
    Friday, 13 July
    Bucket delivered the mail and the fourth edition of The Bake Tribulation just before lunch. Everyone was arguing over who got to read it first, so Sophie read ‘Heart’s Triumph’ out loud while we ate our sandwiches. It was unbelievable …
    Heart’s Triumph — Part 4
    â€˜Stone the crows!’ cried Elizabeth. ‘You have had a busy time. But now you are here with me — forever — with your undies on the right way.’
    Edmund was just about to hug Elizabeth again when a wild haggis leapt out from the bushes,