the most glorious back view: broad brown shoulders, thick black hair curling into the nape of the neck, powerful haunches wrapped in a scarlet towel, and long brown muscular legs. Perhaps I’d died after all and gone to heaven.
Next moment my illusions were shattered. Ace Mulholland turned round, the bottom half of his face covered with lather. Under the black thatch of hair, his eyes were swollen with sleep and not particularly friendly.
‘Won’t be long,’ he said, starting to scrape off the soap.
‘At least the rain’s stopped,’ I said faintly, hanging on to the door handle for support. ‘We might get a lovely day.’
Then I remembered I was wearing my black temptress see-through nightie, which must look pretty incongruous in my present state of collapse, so I went back to my room, and sat on my bed groaning. If I didn’t get a drink pretty soon the top of my head would come off. I put on a brown sweater, and a pair of brown corduroy jodhpurs which were fashionable that autumn. (I’d never been on a horse in my life.) It took centuries to get dressed, and I had awful trouble with my new walking shoes. Every time I bent down to do up the laces, I was nearly sick. It was a bit late anyway to try and impress Ace with my respectability. I threw my walking shoes in the corner, and put on my orange boots. I seemed to have gone downhill rather fast in the last two days.
Clinging on to the banisters, holding my head in place with my left hand, I found Ace prowling round the downstairs rooms drinking black coffee, and looking bootfaced. Certainly the state of decay looked even worse by daylight. Coleridge, now stretched out in the hall, thumped his tail.
‘Oh please don’t,’ I groaned. ‘Have you got any Alka-Seltzer?’
‘You’ll never keep it down in that condition,’ he said. ‘I’ll get you a Fernet Branca.’
In the kitchen I found Mrs Braddock noisily washing up, trembling with rage that she’d been caught on the hop.
‘Mrs Mulholland should have warned me Mr Ace was coming back,’ she grumbled.
‘She didn’t know,’ I said, remembering Rose’s inside-out dress. ‘She was more surprised than anyone.’
‘Probably never read Mr Ace’s letter properly, and I was going to take the budgie in for a check-up this morning,’ said Mrs Braddock, viciously crashing a saucepan down on the draining-board, which didn’t really help matters.
Ace came in with a glass.
I gulped it down, then choked.
‘You’ve poisoned me,’ I croaked.
For a second I thought I was going to explode. Then suddenly it was a horror film in reverse. The terrified creature being torn apart by Dracula’s teeth was transformed into the radiant bride again. Suddenly I was all right. I shook my head three times. It didn’t even hurt.
‘Very clever,’ I muttered.
Ace regarded me thoughtfully; then, waiting until Mrs Braddock had stumped off to collect some more glasses, said, ‘Do you always drink as much as this?’
I looked him straight in the eyes. ‘No,’ I said, ‘I’ve been corrupted by your family.’
He sighed. ‘I was afraid you had.’
‘Where is everyone?’
‘Still asleep. Before you came down, I discovered a man from the tax office stretched out in the broom cupboard.’
I giggled. ‘He had a heavenly time last night.’
‘Well he wasn’t feeling so hot this morning, but was coherent enough before he left to give me a few details about the financial set-up here. I’ll have to have a session with my step-mother later.’
‘Oh dear. Can’t you wait till tomorrow? I don’t imagine she’ll be quite up to it today. I thought you’d sleep in too.’
‘I haven’t got used to the time yet.’
Coleridge wandered in, gazed at me with lustrous brown eyes, then put a large speckled paw on my knee.
‘If he tells you he hasn’t had a mouthful since yesterday, he’s lying,’ said Ace. ‘I’ve just fed him.’
‘He’s terribly nice,’ I said, scratching him behind the ears.
Next moment my illusions were shattered. Ace Mulholland turned round, the bottom half of his face covered with lather. Under the black thatch of hair, his eyes were swollen with sleep and not particularly friendly.
‘Won’t be long,’ he said, starting to scrape off the soap.
‘At least the rain’s stopped,’ I said faintly, hanging on to the door handle for support. ‘We might get a lovely day.’
Then I remembered I was wearing my black temptress see-through nightie, which must look pretty incongruous in my present state of collapse, so I went back to my room, and sat on my bed groaning. If I didn’t get a drink pretty soon the top of my head would come off. I put on a brown sweater, and a pair of brown corduroy jodhpurs which were fashionable that autumn. (I’d never been on a horse in my life.) It took centuries to get dressed, and I had awful trouble with my new walking shoes. Every time I bent down to do up the laces, I was nearly sick. It was a bit late anyway to try and impress Ace with my respectability. I threw my walking shoes in the corner, and put on my orange boots. I seemed to have gone downhill rather fast in the last two days.
Clinging on to the banisters, holding my head in place with my left hand, I found Ace prowling round the downstairs rooms drinking black coffee, and looking bootfaced. Certainly the state of decay looked even worse by daylight. Coleridge, now stretched out in the hall, thumped his tail.
‘Oh please don’t,’ I groaned. ‘Have you got any Alka-Seltzer?’
‘You’ll never keep it down in that condition,’ he said. ‘I’ll get you a Fernet Branca.’
In the kitchen I found Mrs Braddock noisily washing up, trembling with rage that she’d been caught on the hop.
‘Mrs Mulholland should have warned me Mr Ace was coming back,’ she grumbled.
‘She didn’t know,’ I said, remembering Rose’s inside-out dress. ‘She was more surprised than anyone.’
‘Probably never read Mr Ace’s letter properly, and I was going to take the budgie in for a check-up this morning,’ said Mrs Braddock, viciously crashing a saucepan down on the draining-board, which didn’t really help matters.
Ace came in with a glass.
I gulped it down, then choked.
‘You’ve poisoned me,’ I croaked.
For a second I thought I was going to explode. Then suddenly it was a horror film in reverse. The terrified creature being torn apart by Dracula’s teeth was transformed into the radiant bride again. Suddenly I was all right. I shook my head three times. It didn’t even hurt.
‘Very clever,’ I muttered.
Ace regarded me thoughtfully; then, waiting until Mrs Braddock had stumped off to collect some more glasses, said, ‘Do you always drink as much as this?’
I looked him straight in the eyes. ‘No,’ I said, ‘I’ve been corrupted by your family.’
He sighed. ‘I was afraid you had.’
‘Where is everyone?’
‘Still asleep. Before you came down, I discovered a man from the tax office stretched out in the broom cupboard.’
I giggled. ‘He had a heavenly time last night.’
‘Well he wasn’t feeling so hot this morning, but was coherent enough before he left to give me a few details about the financial set-up here. I’ll have to have a session with my step-mother later.’
‘Oh dear. Can’t you wait till tomorrow? I don’t imagine she’ll be quite up to it today. I thought you’d sleep in too.’
‘I haven’t got used to the time yet.’
Coleridge wandered in, gazed at me with lustrous brown eyes, then put a large speckled paw on my knee.
‘If he tells you he hasn’t had a mouthful since yesterday, he’s lying,’ said Ace. ‘I’ve just fed him.’
‘He’s terribly nice,’ I said, scratching him behind the ears.
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