Private Parts by Howard Stern

man! I started fingering her and she was hot and wet and turned on. She pulled down my pants
    and she grabbed my cock as if she was uprooting a carrot in the garden. She was saying, "Oh, yes! Oh, yes! That's it! C'mon already, do it to me!"
    I had done this once before, for about three seconds, so I was fumbling with the rubber. When I got it on I said, "Guide me in."
    "What?" she moaned.
    "Guide me in."
    "What do you mean?"
    "Put me in you." I sure as shit wasn't having any luck getting in there by myself.
    "You never did this before!?" she started screaming at me. So we started arguing back and forth.
    "I did, I swear I did. I just prefer women to guide me in," I was screaming.
    So she took my cock -- she was totally disgusted with me by now -- and she started to put me in her. The second I felt her wetness, BOOM, I shot my load. She had no idea that I was done. I wasn't even all the way in yet. Meanwhile, she was crying hysterically.
    "What's wrong?" I asked.
    "I can't take this," she sobbed. "I'm not doing this because you don't know what you're doing!"
    "Perfect!" I said. " 'Cause I don't want to do this either." Meanwhile, if I hadn't finished, I wouldn't have given up so easily.
    "I have to call my boyfriend in Albany," she suddenly decided.
    "WHAT?!" I screamed like a maniac. "My father'll kill me. You can't call Albany from my house! You're a mental patient. Forget it."
    She was still hysterical, so I drove her home.
    "You're not going to call me again?"
    "Absolutely not," I said. I was a real moron. I should have called her again and kept banging her. So what if she was a mental patient? I didn't get laid again until that summer when I went to camp to work in the kitchen. For some unfathomable reason, I was really in demand that summer. I began banging several different girls on a regular basis. But I didn't know how to handle it. I was so emotionally stunted. If I had been a smart guy, I would have made friends with the girls and been able to fuck them all simultaneously. As it was, I was like a black widow spider, I'd devour each girl after I fucked her. I wasn't in love with any of them and I didn't particularly want to hang out with them, so I wouldn't speak to them again after I nailed them. I was really mature.
    But I was on a roll. I was sharing a tent with a guy named Danny, and one time he came into the tent while I was about to fuck a girl, and he wouldn't leave.
    But that didn't stop me. While he was talking I slipped my penis inside of her. It was actually kind of exciting. And of course I came in like two seconds. It was too fucking exciting for an asshole like me.
    One of the girls I fucked that summer was named Patty. She was a counselor and we were flirting with each other, so one night she came to my tent. I was lying there sleeping and she came in with her flashlight and she kissed me awake. She was unbelievably sensuous. We went back to her cabin and she was great. We ripped off our clothes, I got on top of her, and I blew my load in three seconds.
    I was so sexually immature. Patty tried to widen my horizons but I was such a loser. I had no idea how to enjoy sex. One time we were about to fuck and just as I was about to enter her she tried to stick her finger up my ass. I pulled my cheeks together like rocks, I thought that was so wrong. I was so flipped out that I stopped talking to her.
    But I had my eyes on a friend of hers, Leslie. Leslie was a latecomer to camp. She was filling in the last two weeks for a counselor who left early. She was a kooky actress type but she had an unbelievable body, great tits, brown hair, sensuous mouth. I fell head over heels in lust with her. I kept trying to get her to go out with me, but she refused. She told me that I was a jerk because I dumped her friend Patty. But I worked on her and worked on her and finally I overcame her loyalty for her friend and she caved in.
    I was in heaven. It was great sex. Uninhibited, wild animal sex. She blew me like crazy; I'd