room, forcing my eyes to steer clear of the windows as I made for the hallway, where I’d be furthest away from the flashing lights and the noise. Before I could make it, one astonishingly bright light came and seemed to blind me, as a sonic boom came to split my mind in two. Horror-struck, I closed my eyes. That was a big mistake.
With my eyes screwed up tight, images drifted to the surface of my mind, like bodies rising to the surface of a lake. The storm was still raging, but now I found that all the angles of the room had changed – I was back again, in that fancy hotel in Paris.
Rain lashed against the windowpanes and flew in through the open balcony doors, their white curtains billowing in the wind. I moved forward to close them, but felt my foot knock against something hard. Dropping to my knees, I brought my hands down to feel for whatever had tripped me, the darkness of the room seeming to fill me and rise like bile in my throat.
“Mom?” I stammered, terrified.
My hands made contact with something soft and warm. A thick liquid was spreading around my palms and between my finge rs. It felt like I’d dipped my hands in syrup. Raising them up to try to see, a cold blue light filled the room like a strobe, shining a blackish red against the silhouette of my hands. The thunder came then, and I started to scream.
Suddenly, someone’s hands came around my chest, locking me in place. Every effort I made to lash out was met with equal resistance, and all my kicking and screaming could not set me free.
“No… No!” I shrieked as loud as the thunder.
“Sasha!” the sound came to me as though from the end of an old, crackling telephone line.
I continued to lash out with my arms and legs, spittle flying from my mouth as I put my heart and soul into the violent struggle, never gaining so much as an inch of freedom. When I’d used up all my energy there was nothing left but to go limp like a rag doll, cold now and shaking madly.
“Sasha! Look at me!”
Thoroughly wild and beyond comprehending, I opened my eyes slowly, reality edging back to me in short, tentative steps.
Alex was sitting with his back to the wall of the hallway, holding me tightly from behind as I, clamped between his arms and legs, shivered against him in a tight ball. One small candle flickered nearby, from the shelf where we left our keys, but apart from that we might as well have been at the bottom of a well.
“ Shh, it’s only the power. It went out.” I felt Alex's fingertips against my cheek, pulling free some wet strands of hair.
Lifting my head, I could see through the gloom that his eyes were worried.
It was horrific when this happened, but there seemed to be nothing I could do to escape these… episodes. Whether they were panic attacks or whatever, it seemed I’d have to keep on reliving the worst night of my life, over and over again. Two years had passed, and still I could do nothing to fight back when the flashbacks came on this intense. Having someone close made it easier to come out of it, but then I always felt embarrassed and ashamed. My raw nerve exposed for all to see was an awful thought, but imagining being alone at times like that was even worse. Alex might have been the last person I wanted to see, but I was glad he was there.
I wished my body would stop shaking, but that wasn’t happening any time soon, so it seemed best just to stay where I was until some daylight came to replace the night.
“You'll catch a cold if we stay here.” Alex said few minutes later and started to get up off the floor, lifting me up in his arms.
He was starting to carry me through the living room when I ca ught sight of the large windows and the flashes of lightning beyond. They were further away now, but still I dug my nails into his arms and struggled against the awful sight.
“No!” I cried as the rumble of thunder passed through me again like a dentist’s drill.
Visibly confused, Alex he put me down on the floor,
With my eyes screwed up tight, images drifted to the surface of my mind, like bodies rising to the surface of a lake. The storm was still raging, but now I found that all the angles of the room had changed – I was back again, in that fancy hotel in Paris.
Rain lashed against the windowpanes and flew in through the open balcony doors, their white curtains billowing in the wind. I moved forward to close them, but felt my foot knock against something hard. Dropping to my knees, I brought my hands down to feel for whatever had tripped me, the darkness of the room seeming to fill me and rise like bile in my throat.
“Mom?” I stammered, terrified.
My hands made contact with something soft and warm. A thick liquid was spreading around my palms and between my finge rs. It felt like I’d dipped my hands in syrup. Raising them up to try to see, a cold blue light filled the room like a strobe, shining a blackish red against the silhouette of my hands. The thunder came then, and I started to scream.
Suddenly, someone’s hands came around my chest, locking me in place. Every effort I made to lash out was met with equal resistance, and all my kicking and screaming could not set me free.
“No… No!” I shrieked as loud as the thunder.
“Sasha!” the sound came to me as though from the end of an old, crackling telephone line.
I continued to lash out with my arms and legs, spittle flying from my mouth as I put my heart and soul into the violent struggle, never gaining so much as an inch of freedom. When I’d used up all my energy there was nothing left but to go limp like a rag doll, cold now and shaking madly.
“Sasha! Look at me!”
Thoroughly wild and beyond comprehending, I opened my eyes slowly, reality edging back to me in short, tentative steps.
Alex was sitting with his back to the wall of the hallway, holding me tightly from behind as I, clamped between his arms and legs, shivered against him in a tight ball. One small candle flickered nearby, from the shelf where we left our keys, but apart from that we might as well have been at the bottom of a well.
“ Shh, it’s only the power. It went out.” I felt Alex's fingertips against my cheek, pulling free some wet strands of hair.
Lifting my head, I could see through the gloom that his eyes were worried.
It was horrific when this happened, but there seemed to be nothing I could do to escape these… episodes. Whether they were panic attacks or whatever, it seemed I’d have to keep on reliving the worst night of my life, over and over again. Two years had passed, and still I could do nothing to fight back when the flashbacks came on this intense. Having someone close made it easier to come out of it, but then I always felt embarrassed and ashamed. My raw nerve exposed for all to see was an awful thought, but imagining being alone at times like that was even worse. Alex might have been the last person I wanted to see, but I was glad he was there.
I wished my body would stop shaking, but that wasn’t happening any time soon, so it seemed best just to stay where I was until some daylight came to replace the night.
“You'll catch a cold if we stay here.” Alex said few minutes later and started to get up off the floor, lifting me up in his arms.
He was starting to carry me through the living room when I ca ught sight of the large windows and the flashes of lightning beyond. They were further away now, but still I dug my nails into his arms and struggled against the awful sight.
“No!” I cried as the rumble of thunder passed through me again like a dentist’s drill.
Visibly confused, Alex he put me down on the floor,
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