have to escape using the exits downstairs.
“A rather posh gent inquired, ‘Does that mean economy gets off first?”’
CHATTY pilots, and Gilbert MacKay in Newton Mearns recounts: “I was on the Glasgow to London first flight of the day when the pilot announced, ‘Lynn, our chief steward, is leaving BA today to get married.’ He then added, ‘Nobody even told us she was pregnant.”’
THE ASH cloud stranding passengers at Glasgow Airport reminds Sandy Ferrar, who once worked there, of reasons why you might be happy to spend your holiday at Glasgow Airport:
• Mosquitoes are not a problem.
• You’ll save a fortune on sun tan lotion.
• You might be interviewed by a TV news team.
• You can manage without a phrase book – unless you’re from Edinburgh.
• Airports don’t crash due to volcanic dust.
WE MENTIONED the punning names of horses that owners try to sneak past the horse racing authorities. Boat owners also like their puns it seems. A reader tells us one boat he saw on the Thames was called Sir Osis of the River . And another reader asked a boat owner why he had called his craft After You .
“So that I can tell women I’m chatting up,” he replied, “that I’ve named my boat after you.”
TOM NUGENT in Troon tells us: “I observed Maiden Taiwan at Millport, which looked as if it had been constructed in a local garage.”
YACHT names continued. Brendan Docherty at Cairnbaan on the Crinan Canal tells us: “I see an interesting array of leisure craft pass my window. One in particular stands out – a large and very expensive cabin cruiser crewed by a happy crowd of gin-drinking fifty-somethings. The boat’s name – Sorry Kids .”
IAIN MANN says he was on an early morning flight from Glasgow to Heathrow when the captain came on the intercom and said they would soon be landing at Jersey where the weather was glorious sun-shine. After a few minutes of animated discussion among the bleary-eyed passengers wondering whether they had got on the wrong plane, the captain came back on to apologise and to remind them it was April 1. At that a passenger sent a stewardess forward with a message for the captain stating that if it was alright with him, the passengers would still prefer to go to Jersey.
CHATTY pilots continued. Ian Barnett had flown with friends from Glasgow to Campbeltown to play at Macrihanish Golf Club on a blustery day. Says Ian: “After a bumpy approach, we finally got down, and the pilot turned round and said, ‘You might have thought that was a difficult landing – but not half as difficult as it will be for you lot to tee off at the first.”’
CHATTY pilots continued. Bill Cassidy tells us: “I was on a red-eye shuttle to London, when the pilot piped up, ‘Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I hope none of you is a first-time or nervous flier, as this is also my first flight.’
“After a short pause he added, ‘Today!’
“Oh how we laughed.”
PETER NIVEN in Western Australia knew he was back home in Scotland when, on a recent trip, his wife spotted a basket with a small selection of fruit in the cafeteria on the Rothesay ferry and selected a pear.
Approaching the counter, she asked the attendant: “How much for the pear?”
“Dunno,” came the reply, “No-one’s bought fruit before.”
“Ach, just keep it.”
A READER waiting for his flight at Glasgow Airport watched as a chap ran up to the next gate, just making his flight in the nick of time.
The flight attendant taking his boarding pass asked: “Rushing?” Our reader doesn’t know if the out-of-breath passenger was joking when he replied: “No, Scottish.”
CHATTY pilots continued. John Neil recalls: “I was once on the rickety old mail plane from Stornoway to Inverness.
“It was the middle of winter, really stormy weather and it was touch-and-go if the flight would go ahead.
“After boarding, the co-pilot came out, gave us a rudimentary safety
“A rather posh gent inquired, ‘Does that mean economy gets off first?”’
CHATTY pilots, and Gilbert MacKay in Newton Mearns recounts: “I was on the Glasgow to London first flight of the day when the pilot announced, ‘Lynn, our chief steward, is leaving BA today to get married.’ He then added, ‘Nobody even told us she was pregnant.”’
THE ASH cloud stranding passengers at Glasgow Airport reminds Sandy Ferrar, who once worked there, of reasons why you might be happy to spend your holiday at Glasgow Airport:
• Mosquitoes are not a problem.
• You’ll save a fortune on sun tan lotion.
• You might be interviewed by a TV news team.
• You can manage without a phrase book – unless you’re from Edinburgh.
• Airports don’t crash due to volcanic dust.
WE MENTIONED the punning names of horses that owners try to sneak past the horse racing authorities. Boat owners also like their puns it seems. A reader tells us one boat he saw on the Thames was called Sir Osis of the River . And another reader asked a boat owner why he had called his craft After You .
“So that I can tell women I’m chatting up,” he replied, “that I’ve named my boat after you.”
TOM NUGENT in Troon tells us: “I observed Maiden Taiwan at Millport, which looked as if it had been constructed in a local garage.”
YACHT names continued. Brendan Docherty at Cairnbaan on the Crinan Canal tells us: “I see an interesting array of leisure craft pass my window. One in particular stands out – a large and very expensive cabin cruiser crewed by a happy crowd of gin-drinking fifty-somethings. The boat’s name – Sorry Kids .”
IAIN MANN says he was on an early morning flight from Glasgow to Heathrow when the captain came on the intercom and said they would soon be landing at Jersey where the weather was glorious sun-shine. After a few minutes of animated discussion among the bleary-eyed passengers wondering whether they had got on the wrong plane, the captain came back on to apologise and to remind them it was April 1. At that a passenger sent a stewardess forward with a message for the captain stating that if it was alright with him, the passengers would still prefer to go to Jersey.
CHATTY pilots continued. Ian Barnett had flown with friends from Glasgow to Campbeltown to play at Macrihanish Golf Club on a blustery day. Says Ian: “After a bumpy approach, we finally got down, and the pilot turned round and said, ‘You might have thought that was a difficult landing – but not half as difficult as it will be for you lot to tee off at the first.”’
CHATTY pilots continued. Bill Cassidy tells us: “I was on a red-eye shuttle to London, when the pilot piped up, ‘Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I hope none of you is a first-time or nervous flier, as this is also my first flight.’
“After a short pause he added, ‘Today!’
“Oh how we laughed.”
PETER NIVEN in Western Australia knew he was back home in Scotland when, on a recent trip, his wife spotted a basket with a small selection of fruit in the cafeteria on the Rothesay ferry and selected a pear.
Approaching the counter, she asked the attendant: “How much for the pear?”
“Dunno,” came the reply, “No-one’s bought fruit before.”
“Ach, just keep it.”
A READER waiting for his flight at Glasgow Airport watched as a chap ran up to the next gate, just making his flight in the nick of time.
The flight attendant taking his boarding pass asked: “Rushing?” Our reader doesn’t know if the out-of-breath passenger was joking when he replied: “No, Scottish.”
CHATTY pilots continued. John Neil recalls: “I was once on the rickety old mail plane from Stornoway to Inverness.
“It was the middle of winter, really stormy weather and it was touch-and-go if the flight would go ahead.
“After boarding, the co-pilot came out, gave us a rudimentary safety
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