Once Written, Twice Shy (The Broken Men Chronicles) by Carey Decevito

eaten.
     
    When I got downstairs, I noticed how quiet it was. 
I thought that perhaps she had been sitting in the kitchen with her laptop
writing when I hadn’t spotted her in the living room.  I smiled at the thought
of seeing what she looked like in a writing spree.  But just as I’d found the
living room to be empty, so was the kitchen.
    What the hell?
    The piece of paper, folded on the kitchen table
grasped my attention.  Picking it up, I began to read…
     
    My dearest Paxton,
    You are, by far, the most incredible man I’ve ever
met.  It’s why I couldn’t bring myself to do this in person and for that I’ll forever
be sorry.
    I’ve gone home.
    I know you’ve said to stay and to be honest, I
almost did but for selfish reasons.  I’m leaving because right now, Jasper
needs a father more than I need a man.  I know you said that you would fight
all of this and that everything would work itself out but I feel that by being
here, I might hinder progress and I can’t have that on my conscience—not if
there could be an us and God do I hope that there still will be.
    Please know that this isn’t goodbye, not unless
you want it to be.  You don’t need the added stress with Julie and if me being
out of the picture for now works best then so be it.
    I have nothing to regret about our time
together with the exception of what I’m doing right now.  Paxton, you are an
amazing man, a man I’ve always dreamt of having and that’s what makes this so
hard.  I hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me for leaving this way,
taking the cowardly way out.  Please know that I’ll still be around.  I may not
be there in person but I’m always there for you and as we’ve resolved, you’ll
have to get rid of me yourself.
    What you’ve managed to make me feel in these
few days together and over the last ten months at a distance, those are
memories I’ll always hold dear to my heart.  I will never let go of those and
I’m terrified that I’ll be the only one to hold on to it all in the end. 
That’s a risk I’m willing to take.  You’re worth it.
    Always yours with love,
    Your woman,
    Alissa
     
    My heart sank further into the pit of my stomach
with each subsequent time I read her letter.  I couldn’t breathe.  I knew the
why and I understood as much as it hurt like hell.  For the first time in my
life, I had someone I felt I couldn’t live without.  Sure, you’re thinking that
I would feel that way about my son and you’re right.  But this thing with
Alissa was different on so many levels.  She held the potential to being my
partner, my equal.  I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t already started to see her
in that light.
    I knew I couldn’t chase her to the airport.  Leaving
hadn’t been easy for her and I wanted to honor her decision.  I knew it was for
the best.  It took her leaving that letter to convince me.  With Alissa gone, I
would be able to concentrate fully on seeking a resolution to end my marriage
and ensure that I didn’t lose Jasper.  If I were lucky enough, I wouldn’t lose
Alissa either.  I cursed Julie for putting me in this predicament.
    Enough is enough.
    I fished out my cell and searched my contacts for
the number I needed.  If it was a war Julie wanted, it was one that she would soon
regret bringing to light.  Jake would make sure of it and if I knew him well
enough, he’d put a rush on it.
    ***
    I walked out of my lawyer’s office with a sense of
confidence that I would soon see an end.  The courts had been called and we had
a date set for next Wednesday.  Of course I had paid a premium for Jake to pull
in a few favors and rush things but I was done waiting; having a lawyer as a
best friend sure as hell helped.  Jake knew his stuff and he was a force to be
reckoned with in the room when it came down to family matters.  I had no doubt
that Julie would regret pushing me this far.
     
    I had the urge to share my good news with someone
that would