little Marin girls?”
“ Sure, Ellen, glad to do it, but I think maybe I’ll take them somewhere for a couple weeks. I don’t feel like doing the whole hotel thing right now. You don’t want me getting photographed with these on, do you?” I raised my bandaged wrists again.
She shuddered. “No, I don’t. That’s clever thinking, Carey. Yes, by all means take a little vacation; you and the girls. Consider it an extra birthday gift from your father and me.”
I looked away from her so she wouldn’t see the expression in my eyes. “Fine with me, Ellen. Will you want to call Dwight?”
“ Dwight? Who’s that?”
“ It’s my school, Mommy, you know, the place I have been attending for the last three years! Well, with the exception of my recent little … would you call it a vacation? Is that what you have been calling it, what you’ve been telling people?”
“ Fine, Carey, express your hostility, act like a pathetic child. Of course I remember the name of your school. You just caught me off-guard. I’ll make arrangements. As to what I’ve been telling people, why I haven’t told them anything. No one has noticed you’ve been gone at all, Carolyn.” It was a good hit, I’ll give her that.
I stood up shakily. “Right, okay, well, thanks, Ellen. Always a pleasure. I’m going to go upstairs now. I’ll assume it’s all right with you if I stay tonight? I’m tired, my friends are tired, and I imagine they will want to talk to their parents before we just take off.”
My mother gave me a genuine smile. “Oh, of course, you can stay tonight, Carolyn. This is your home, don’t be ridiculous.” She gave a little laugh. “And I wouldn’t worry about your little friends talking to their parents. You can all just go as soon as you decide where you want to travel to. I’ll have my secretary notify Dwight for them as well. I understand the elder Marins are wintering in Los Angeles. Karen Marin is pregnant again. I hear it’s a boy, so I don’t imagine she will be returning to the city this winter. In fact, I know she won’t. I’m sure she’ll be very grateful to me for arranging this little amusement for her daughters.”
I stood at the doorway, balanced on my crutches. “Ellen, Mom, do you … did you remember what today was?”
She was silent but as I finally turned to go she spoke softly. “Yes, I did, Carey, but what does it matter?”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter … sorry I asked.” Brightening my voice I said casually, “So I’ll just order the bracelets, then, right?”
“ If you want. You can do what you want, Carey.”
“ Great, Ellen, that is exactly what I’m going to do, just what I want. I’ll see you.”
She didn’t answer, and later, when I called Milan, she seemed neither excited nor upset one way or the other about our travel plans. She did thank me for the earrings I had sent over from Martin Katz. I had asked our jeweler to pick out a pair for her and Christy when I had ordered my bracelets.
The next day the three of us lay together on her bed and argued in desultory voices about where to go, until we decided - or Milan decided - that we would ask my aunt if we could use her home in Aspen. We called it running away, but it’s not really running away, is it, if no one cares that you’re gone.
Chapter 12
The week the three of us went up to Aunt Georgia’s place in Aspen ended up being pretty defining in terms of our permanent roles in each other’s lives.
I’ll say this for Milan and Christy: while it feels to me like they deserted me and basically left me to rot, if anyone were to ask them they would see it quite differently. They would say - well, will say, because I can’t kid myself here, I am not going through the door, a door that is only ten feet from me but might as well be a million miles away ...
I am not going through it alive, and in death, I’ll achieve a level of fame that I have never had. I’ll be the new Anna
“ Sure, Ellen, glad to do it, but I think maybe I’ll take them somewhere for a couple weeks. I don’t feel like doing the whole hotel thing right now. You don’t want me getting photographed with these on, do you?” I raised my bandaged wrists again.
She shuddered. “No, I don’t. That’s clever thinking, Carey. Yes, by all means take a little vacation; you and the girls. Consider it an extra birthday gift from your father and me.”
I looked away from her so she wouldn’t see the expression in my eyes. “Fine with me, Ellen. Will you want to call Dwight?”
“ Dwight? Who’s that?”
“ It’s my school, Mommy, you know, the place I have been attending for the last three years! Well, with the exception of my recent little … would you call it a vacation? Is that what you have been calling it, what you’ve been telling people?”
“ Fine, Carey, express your hostility, act like a pathetic child. Of course I remember the name of your school. You just caught me off-guard. I’ll make arrangements. As to what I’ve been telling people, why I haven’t told them anything. No one has noticed you’ve been gone at all, Carolyn.” It was a good hit, I’ll give her that.
I stood up shakily. “Right, okay, well, thanks, Ellen. Always a pleasure. I’m going to go upstairs now. I’ll assume it’s all right with you if I stay tonight? I’m tired, my friends are tired, and I imagine they will want to talk to their parents before we just take off.”
My mother gave me a genuine smile. “Oh, of course, you can stay tonight, Carolyn. This is your home, don’t be ridiculous.” She gave a little laugh. “And I wouldn’t worry about your little friends talking to their parents. You can all just go as soon as you decide where you want to travel to. I’ll have my secretary notify Dwight for them as well. I understand the elder Marins are wintering in Los Angeles. Karen Marin is pregnant again. I hear it’s a boy, so I don’t imagine she will be returning to the city this winter. In fact, I know she won’t. I’m sure she’ll be very grateful to me for arranging this little amusement for her daughters.”
I stood at the doorway, balanced on my crutches. “Ellen, Mom, do you … did you remember what today was?”
She was silent but as I finally turned to go she spoke softly. “Yes, I did, Carey, but what does it matter?”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter … sorry I asked.” Brightening my voice I said casually, “So I’ll just order the bracelets, then, right?”
“ If you want. You can do what you want, Carey.”
“ Great, Ellen, that is exactly what I’m going to do, just what I want. I’ll see you.”
She didn’t answer, and later, when I called Milan, she seemed neither excited nor upset one way or the other about our travel plans. She did thank me for the earrings I had sent over from Martin Katz. I had asked our jeweler to pick out a pair for her and Christy when I had ordered my bracelets.
The next day the three of us lay together on her bed and argued in desultory voices about where to go, until we decided - or Milan decided - that we would ask my aunt if we could use her home in Aspen. We called it running away, but it’s not really running away, is it, if no one cares that you’re gone.
Chapter 12
The week the three of us went up to Aunt Georgia’s place in Aspen ended up being pretty defining in terms of our permanent roles in each other’s lives.
I’ll say this for Milan and Christy: while it feels to me like they deserted me and basically left me to rot, if anyone were to ask them they would see it quite differently. They would say - well, will say, because I can’t kid myself here, I am not going through the door, a door that is only ten feet from me but might as well be a million miles away ...
I am not going through it alive, and in death, I’ll achieve a level of fame that I have never had. I’ll be the new Anna
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