Never Look Back by Lesley Pearse

to clean silver or mend something, and she could read, she still felt dreadfully lonely. It was then she’d think about her family and worry about how they were managing without her. Sometimes she even missed the noise in the court and wished she was back there.
    But now as she sat here in the church, clean, well fed, and with Tabitha’s small hand in hers, she felt happy. She was sure Lily was beginning to trust her. Once she’d learnt to eat and talk like her, and stopped being greedy, Madam might even get to like her.
    Catching something about ‘sharing what you have with those less fortunate’, she glanced up again at the Reverend and found he was looking right at her, a faint smile on his lips. She smiled back. Lily might have turned out to be difficult to please, and very puzzling, but he was a real gent. He didn’t go on about God as she’d expected, and he always thanked her for anything she did for him, even if it was only taking his coat and hat when he came in. Many times this week he’d sought her out alone to see how she was getting on and he seemed pleased she was learning so fast. He’d even lent her his leather-bound book of Oliver Twist to read, because she’d confided she’d only read the first instalment and was desperate to read the rest. She liked his soft, dark eyes, the fullness of his lips, and his long, slender fingers. She thought Lily must be the luckiest woman in the world to have him as her husband.
    ‘Hold Tabby’s hand securely and wait for me,’ Lily ordered Matilda as they left the church after the service. ‘I have to speak to some of the parishioners.’
    Matilda was delighted to wait in the churchyard while Lily joined her husband by the door. It was an ideal opportunity to study the people Giles called ‘his flock’.
    They did bear a similarity to sheep she’d seen over on the south side of the river. They were herded close together, and they bleated greetings to the parson and his wife as they passed them. She wondered fleetingly if any of the fine-looking gentlemen in their shiny top hats, tail-coats and crisp white linen were the same ones she’d sometimes observed in the Haymarketwith a ‘gay girl’ on their arm. If they were, she could hardly blame them for the wives seen here were a drab bunch. Their gowns were disappointingly sombre, greys and blues in the main, one or two had flower-trimmed bonnets and hats, but she’d seen far prettier ones in the Haymarket.
    A tugging on her hand made her look down at Tabitha. ‘We go home now, Matty,’ she said, her small face screwed up with indignation at being forced to stand and wait.
    ‘We have to wait for your mama and papa,’ Matilda replied, but bent down and picked the little girl up in her arms. ‘Just be good a little longer. Smile nicely at the people.’
    Matilda was very aware she was being observed from all quarters and it made her feel very uncomfortable. Aggie had told her in confidence that everyone around here knew Lily wouldn’t take on a nursemaid before because of her terrible fear of disease being brought into the house. The curious stares and half-smiles suggested that she would be a subject of gossip over dinner. She hoped no one would speak to her, if they heard her voice they’d immediately guess her origins. Yet even as she thought that she wondered why it should matter to her. A week ago it had never even crossed her mind to pretend she was anything but a waterman’s daughter. Was she getting ideas above her station?
    It was very warm on Tuesday when Matilda left the parsonage for her first afternoon off. She was wearing another new dress that Lily had given her that morning, and it was the prettiest thing she’d ever seen – pale blue sprigged with white flowers, pin-tucks on the bodice and little pearl buttons. Maybe it was faded in places and worn around the hem and under the arms, but with the straw bonnet her father had given her she felt grand and ladylike. She almost wished she