Mr. Macky Is Wacky! by Dan Gutman

1
Crazy Pet Day
    My name is A.J. and I hate school.
    Man, I wish I was a grown-up. Grownups are so lucky. They don’t have to go to school.
    If I was a grown-up, you know which grown-up I would be? I would be the president of the United States. And youknow what I would do if I was president of the United States? I would close all the schools. Then kids wouldn’t have to go anymore. That’s what I would do.
    But until I become president, I guess I’ll have to keep going to school. Bummer in the summer!
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    It was Crazy Pet Day at Ella Mentry School, so kids who had crazy pets brought them in to show the class. My friend Ryan brought in his hermit crab. This girl named Annette brought in her bird (which, if you ask me, isn’t crazy at all). I don’t have a crazy pet. I just have a dog, which isn’t crazy at all. I wish Ihad a penguin. Penguins are cool. But my parents won’t get me one because they live in Antarctica. Penguins, that is. Not my parents. My parents live at home with me.
    â€œEEEEEEEK!” screamed this girl Emily, who cries over everything. “A rat!”
    It wasn’t a rat. It was a pet ferret that belonged to Neil Crouch (who we call Neil the nude kid even though he wears clothes).But it did look a little bit like a rat. A long rat.

    â€œWhat’s your ferret’s name?” I asked Neil the nude kid as I looked in his cage. (The ferret’s cage, that is. Not Neil’s. He doesn’t live in a cage. He lives in a house with his parents.)
    â€œHis name is Mr. Wiggles.”
    Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap clapped our teacher Miss Daisy. That’s her signal that we have to stop talking.
    â€œWe’ll learn all about your crazy pets later,” Miss Daisy told us. “But first, I have big news!”
    â€œMiss Daisy said she has a big nose,” I whispered to my friend Michael. He cracked up.
    â€œDo you have something you’d like to share with the rest of us, A.J.?” asked Miss Daisy.
    â€œNo.”
    â€œThe big news is that Presidents’ Day is coming up next week,” said Miss Daisy.
    â€œWhat’s Presidents’ Day?” somebody asked.
    â€œI have no idea,” said Miss Daisy, who doesn’t know anything. “Maybe one of you kids can tell the class what makes Presidents’ Day special?”
    I raised my hand. So did Andrea Young, this really annoying girl with curly brown hair. She was waving her hand in the air, like always. Andrea thinks she knows everything. But Miss Daisy called on meinstead. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on Andrea.
    â€œPresidents’ Day is special because we get the day off from school,” I said. “Any time we get a day off from school, it’s special.”
    Everybody laughed, even though I didn’t say anything funny.
    â€œGee, I’m not sure that’s right, A.J.,” said Miss Daisy. “Can anyone else tell us what makes Presidents’ Day special?”
    Andrea and Emily were waving their hands in the air and moaning, “Oooooh!” like they were dying. They are so annoying. But Miss Daisy called on Michael, who never ties his shoes.
    â€œPresidents’ Day is special because that’s the day big-screen TVs go on sale,” said Michael. “My dad is gonna buy one. A really big one.”
    â€œBig-screen TVs are cool,” I told Michael. The only thing better than watching TV is watching a big-screen TV.
    â€œHey,” Ryan whispered to Michael, “can me and A.J. come over to your house and watch your big-screen TV?”
    â€œSure.”
    â€œYou should get a screen so big that it’s bigger than your house,” I suggested.
    â€œThat’s impossible,” said Michael. “It wouldn’t fit in the house.”
    â€œWho needs a house?” I said. “Youcould just live inside the TV!”
    I’m always coming up with genius ideas like that. That’s why I’m in the gifted and