Mount! by Jilly Cooper

accompany him to China. Having as usual not bothered with lunch, he absentmindedly helped himself to a piece of quiche.
    ‘He come here often?’ He nodded at Quickly.
    ‘No, it’s the first time,’ said Valent, as Quickly, bored with baboons and in need of another drink, returned to the table. Then, when Rupert refused to share his second piece of quiche with him, he plunged his teeth into Rupert’s arm, whereupon Rupert punched him hard on the nose.
    ‘Don’t hurt him!’ cried an appalled Etta.
    ‘Got to stand up to them,’ Rupert said sharply, as Quickly, rolling his watering eyes, attempted another dive at the quiche, ‘or he’ll get impossibly spoilt. No – bugger
off
!’ Rupert punched Quickly again.
    ‘Don’t, please!’ Etta jumped up and grabbed Quickly’s head collar. ‘There, poor little boy, I’ll take him out.’
    They were distracted by a wail, as Hereward, awake again, appeared in the doorway, then gave a scream of joy. Half tottering, half crawling, he crossed the room and pulled himself up on Quickly’s leg, as turning his head, the colt nudged the child fondly.
    ‘Who’s this?’ demanded Rupert.
    ‘My great-grandson, Trixie’s baby Herry.’ Etta lifted him on to Quickly’s back. ‘They adore each other. Trixie’s gone to some rave-up with your grandson, Eddie – such a lovely boy,’ she added in an attempt to ease the situation.
    She then kicked herself as an increasingly wintry-looking Rupert announced: ‘That “lovely boy” should be sober and tucked up in bed. He’s got two big races at Chepstow tomorrow.’
    ‘Oh dear. Well, he’s probably not drinking,’ stammered Etta.
    ‘Unlike Master Quickly,’ said Rupert, as Quickly eyed up his glass of red. ‘It’s high time that colt was weaned and moved to Penscombe i.e. prep school.’
    ‘Not yet,’ pleaded Etta, removing Hereward and leading Quickly towards the door. ‘Oh look,’ she added, peering out of the kitchen window into the golden gloom. ‘Wilkie and Chisolm have come to fetch him. We so love having him here, and he won’t need to be broken in until the end of next year.’
    ‘By which time,’ said Rupert acidly, ‘he’ll be sleeping in your bed.’
    Seeing his friends going back to the orchard, Hereward burst into escalating, inconsolable sobs, so to Rupert’s relief, Etta took him off to bed. It would at least give her the chance to tone down her flushed face, she thought. Why must Rupert always catch her looking at her worst?
    ‘I should be going,’ said Rupert as Valent filled up his glass. ‘Is Trixie going to live here for ever?’
    Valent shrugged. ‘You might have a word with your grandson – tell him not to hurt her, or get her up the duff. God help us.’
    ‘Only if you don’t indulge that colt too much.’
    ‘I’ll try, and I’ll give you all my contacts in China. You’ll find the Chinese polite but pretty arrogant and self-confident. “The future is ours” is implicit in everything. But they want us to accept their culture. Guard your phone with your life, or they’ll hack into it.’
    ‘What are the hotels like?’
    ‘Very good, they’ve really improved. Twenty years ago I found a cockroach trap in my bedroom.’
    ‘We could use one of those to catch Cosmo,’ said Rupert, draining his glass. ‘Christ, I hope we beat him. How are your Chinese lessons going?’
    ‘Well, I discovered “Ma”. Whichever way you pronounce it, it can mean “horse”, “mother”, “house” or “fuck off”.’
    ‘We’ll have to be careful when we start selling horses there, although I wouldn’t mind selling them my lazy cow of a mother-in-law.’
    Coming downstairs, Etta found a laughing Rupert on the way out.
    ‘Very, very best luck with Leading Trainer and Leading Sire,’ she called after him.

12
    But sadly it was not to be. Isa and Cosmo had a dazzling end to the season, winning every race on Champions Day at Ascot. This boosted Roberto’s Revenge’s progeny earnings so