colossally, that neither Love Rat nor Peppy Koala were likely to catch him. As a result, Isa landed the Leading Trainer title in November and Roberto’s Revenge was odds on to land second place to the great Irish colossus, Verdi’s Requiem, in the Leading Sire contest at the end of the year.
Normally, Isa getting Leading Trainer and Roberto’s Revenge’s leap upwards would only appear in the racing press. But since Rupert and Cosmo were so inextricably linked – with Cosmo’s father marrying Rupert’s first wife, who had already eloped with Isa’s father Jake during the Los Angeles Olympics, and Isa briefly marrying Rupert’s daughter Tabitha, who was now married to Cosmo’s elder brother, Wolfe – the whole thing went viral.
Cosmo, taking to Facebook, had a field day, dismissing Rupert as a has-been who’d totally lost his touch and saying that Love Rat’s offspring were doing so badly, he should be taking Viagra, but he supposed Love Rats always left sinking shits like Rupert in the lurch.
Isa Lovell was more restrained but more hurtful when he tweeted that Rupert was failing because he no longer had Billy Lloyd-Foxe’s wisdom and encyclopaedic knowledge to rely on.
Almost worse, Roberto’s Revenge in his glossy dark-brown glory was featured on the cover of Weatherbys’ latest, incredibly prestigious stallion book.
Rupert didn’t react publicly, but privately went ballistic, particularly as he looked up at Rupert Black on Third Leopard. No one, however, could accuse him of a lack of courage. Such a humiliating defeat made him even more determined to crack Leading Sire next year.
So many things at home were annoying him. His father Eddie was driving him crackers. Last week, seeking out his beloved Love Rat, Eddie had left open the doors of three other stallions. And Eddie’s carer, Marjorie, was even more irritating, calling him by his Christian name every second sentence as she took him on a disgusting verbal tour of his father’s nether regions.
‘I’ve just toileted your father, Rupert, he’s had an excellent bowel motion, Rupert, enjoy the rest of your day, Rupert.’
Rupert was also fed up with Young Eddie, who was hellraising instead of learning to become a jump jockey. He and Old Eddie got into endless irritating silliness together, howling with laughter at porn on the internet. For Old Eddie’s eighty-sixth birthday, Young Eddie had plundered the local sex shop and returned with a lifesize rubber sheep, equipped with a hole in the bottom, and horns to cling on to. A totally captivated Old Eddie insisted on the sheep, whom he’d called Mildred, sleeping on his bed.
Multi-married Old Eddie had always been a groper. The reason he’d had to give up his very successful television programme,
Buffers
, was because he wouldn’t stop lunging at the female researchers and presenters. Unfortunately, on a golden autumn day towards the end of October, his daughter-in-law Taggie returned from shopping to find, to her horror, that Forester her greyhound, who suffered from separation anxiety, had shredded Old Eddie’s rubber sheep Mildred all over the drawing-room carpet.
Knowing how upset Eddie would be, Taggie was frantically gathering up Mildred’s remains when, wandering into the room, confronted by Taggie’s long, still-coltish legs and delectable bottom, Eddie shoved his hand up her crimson skirt,pulling down her tights, as his fingers crept underneath her knickers.
Taggie’s shriek of surprised horror, when she realized it wasn’t Rupert, coincided with her husband coming in through the front door and catching his father crimson-handed. His bellow of rage had all the dogs, including Forester with his mouth full of shredded Mildred, rushing in from the kitchen, and Old Eddie scuttling upstairs.
‘That is the final straw, the filthy letch,’ roared Rupert.
‘No, no,’ pleaded Taggie, crimson as her skirt. ‘It’s OK, he’s sweet and always a bit odd when the moon’s
Normally, Isa getting Leading Trainer and Roberto’s Revenge’s leap upwards would only appear in the racing press. But since Rupert and Cosmo were so inextricably linked – with Cosmo’s father marrying Rupert’s first wife, who had already eloped with Isa’s father Jake during the Los Angeles Olympics, and Isa briefly marrying Rupert’s daughter Tabitha, who was now married to Cosmo’s elder brother, Wolfe – the whole thing went viral.
Cosmo, taking to Facebook, had a field day, dismissing Rupert as a has-been who’d totally lost his touch and saying that Love Rat’s offspring were doing so badly, he should be taking Viagra, but he supposed Love Rats always left sinking shits like Rupert in the lurch.
Isa Lovell was more restrained but more hurtful when he tweeted that Rupert was failing because he no longer had Billy Lloyd-Foxe’s wisdom and encyclopaedic knowledge to rely on.
Almost worse, Roberto’s Revenge in his glossy dark-brown glory was featured on the cover of Weatherbys’ latest, incredibly prestigious stallion book.
Rupert didn’t react publicly, but privately went ballistic, particularly as he looked up at Rupert Black on Third Leopard. No one, however, could accuse him of a lack of courage. Such a humiliating defeat made him even more determined to crack Leading Sire next year.
So many things at home were annoying him. His father Eddie was driving him crackers. Last week, seeking out his beloved Love Rat, Eddie had left open the doors of three other stallions. And Eddie’s carer, Marjorie, was even more irritating, calling him by his Christian name every second sentence as she took him on a disgusting verbal tour of his father’s nether regions.
‘I’ve just toileted your father, Rupert, he’s had an excellent bowel motion, Rupert, enjoy the rest of your day, Rupert.’
Rupert was also fed up with Young Eddie, who was hellraising instead of learning to become a jump jockey. He and Old Eddie got into endless irritating silliness together, howling with laughter at porn on the internet. For Old Eddie’s eighty-sixth birthday, Young Eddie had plundered the local sex shop and returned with a lifesize rubber sheep, equipped with a hole in the bottom, and horns to cling on to. A totally captivated Old Eddie insisted on the sheep, whom he’d called Mildred, sleeping on his bed.
Multi-married Old Eddie had always been a groper. The reason he’d had to give up his very successful television programme,
Buffers
, was because he wouldn’t stop lunging at the female researchers and presenters. Unfortunately, on a golden autumn day towards the end of October, his daughter-in-law Taggie returned from shopping to find, to her horror, that Forester her greyhound, who suffered from separation anxiety, had shredded Old Eddie’s rubber sheep Mildred all over the drawing-room carpet.
Knowing how upset Eddie would be, Taggie was frantically gathering up Mildred’s remains when, wandering into the room, confronted by Taggie’s long, still-coltish legs and delectable bottom, Eddie shoved his hand up her crimson skirt,pulling down her tights, as his fingers crept underneath her knickers.
Taggie’s shriek of surprised horror, when she realized it wasn’t Rupert, coincided with her husband coming in through the front door and catching his father crimson-handed. His bellow of rage had all the dogs, including Forester with his mouth full of shredded Mildred, rushing in from the kitchen, and Old Eddie scuttling upstairs.
‘That is the final straw, the filthy letch,’ roared Rupert.
‘No, no,’ pleaded Taggie, crimson as her skirt. ‘It’s OK, he’s sweet and always a bit odd when the moon’s
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