“you, sir, have no excuse whatsoever.”
“For what?” he asked cautiously.
“Screaming like a girl.” All of a sudden, she got up from her seat and shoved her freezing cold cup against the back of Darren’s neck. Just as she expected, he let out a high squeal and wiggled away as she doubled over in laughter.
“Let’s just pretend like that never happened,” he said, taking a seat next to her.
“Deal,” she said. “I won’t say a word about it to anyone. Until you give me a reason to blackmail you, that is.”
“Fair enough.”
Kate took a long drink of her icy beverage. “Now that hits the spot. But I’m still kind of in a bad mood. Make me laugh.”
“Oh, you think I can just be funny on command like that?”
“No. I know you can be funny on command. Show me what you’ve got.”
“Your confidence in me is astounding. Okay, let’s see…did I ever tell you my college bathroom story?”
“No, and I’m certain it’s going to be an excellent story, since it involves college and a bathroom.”
“Okay. I’m going to tell you, but you need to know that very few people know this story. You are officially in the inner inner circle, so please feel appropriately honored.”
“Done and done.”
“So it was late in the summer. I had gotten back to college early with the entire worship team so we could practice before school started. We were in the music building one afternoon, and the campus was totally dead. Seriously, there was like no one around. We had just gotten back from going out to lunch at this Mexican place, and all of a sudden I had…the feeling.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes. I thought I just had really bad gas, so I walked over to the corner to let one rip.”
“Gross!”
“Oh if you think that is gross, just wait. Because it turned out that what I thought was a little fart was actually a bit more substantial.”
“Meaning?”
“I pooped my pants, okay? I fully pooped my pants. I quickly excused myself and went to the bathroom down the hall. I took off my pants and my underwear in the stall, and I thought I would be able to rinse out my underwear in the sink. I really should have just thrown them away. I’m not sure what I was thinking. Oh well. Hindsight is 20/20, right? Right? Get it? Hind sight?”
“Gross. Please continue. Even though I’m totally frightened to know where this is going.”
“So I walked out in my t-shirt and socks to the sink. My team were the only people in the building, and I seriously didn’t think anyone would come into the bathroom. So I was at the sink, rinsing out my chonies, and all of a sudden I heard footsteps coming down the hall. I didn’t have time to run back into the stall, so I had to make a split second decision. I knew it had to be one of the guys from my team, and they know how goofy I am, so I decided to make a joke of it. The door opened and I spun around, pantless, and did a little shimmy dance.”
Kate clapped her hands. “Oh, you would! That totally sounds like something you would do! So did he crack up?”
Darren raised an eyebrow. “Well, if it had been one of the guys from my team, then yes, I’m sure he would have cracked up. But it was a monk. A full on, bona fide monk. He made some frightened grunting noise and ran straight out of the bathroom.”
Her mouth fell open. “A monk? What do you mean a monk?”
“A monk! Like, a monk monk! A man who wears a robe and dedicates his life to praying.”
“Why was there a monk in the bathroom?”
“Well apparently the school lets these monks use the recording studio every summer to record albums. Gregorian chants or something, I’m sure. So basically, I pooped my pants and shook my junk at a monk.”
Kate was doubled over in laughter. “That is the most ridiculous story I have ever heard in my entire life. I love it! Oh my word that is just too good !”
“Oh don’t I know it. So that’s it. Now you literally know everything about me.”
“You are too
“For what?” he asked cautiously.
“Screaming like a girl.” All of a sudden, she got up from her seat and shoved her freezing cold cup against the back of Darren’s neck. Just as she expected, he let out a high squeal and wiggled away as she doubled over in laughter.
“Let’s just pretend like that never happened,” he said, taking a seat next to her.
“Deal,” she said. “I won’t say a word about it to anyone. Until you give me a reason to blackmail you, that is.”
“Fair enough.”
Kate took a long drink of her icy beverage. “Now that hits the spot. But I’m still kind of in a bad mood. Make me laugh.”
“Oh, you think I can just be funny on command like that?”
“No. I know you can be funny on command. Show me what you’ve got.”
“Your confidence in me is astounding. Okay, let’s see…did I ever tell you my college bathroom story?”
“No, and I’m certain it’s going to be an excellent story, since it involves college and a bathroom.”
“Okay. I’m going to tell you, but you need to know that very few people know this story. You are officially in the inner inner circle, so please feel appropriately honored.”
“Done and done.”
“So it was late in the summer. I had gotten back to college early with the entire worship team so we could practice before school started. We were in the music building one afternoon, and the campus was totally dead. Seriously, there was like no one around. We had just gotten back from going out to lunch at this Mexican place, and all of a sudden I had…the feeling.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes. I thought I just had really bad gas, so I walked over to the corner to let one rip.”
“Gross!”
“Oh if you think that is gross, just wait. Because it turned out that what I thought was a little fart was actually a bit more substantial.”
“Meaning?”
“I pooped my pants, okay? I fully pooped my pants. I quickly excused myself and went to the bathroom down the hall. I took off my pants and my underwear in the stall, and I thought I would be able to rinse out my underwear in the sink. I really should have just thrown them away. I’m not sure what I was thinking. Oh well. Hindsight is 20/20, right? Right? Get it? Hind sight?”
“Gross. Please continue. Even though I’m totally frightened to know where this is going.”
“So I walked out in my t-shirt and socks to the sink. My team were the only people in the building, and I seriously didn’t think anyone would come into the bathroom. So I was at the sink, rinsing out my chonies, and all of a sudden I heard footsteps coming down the hall. I didn’t have time to run back into the stall, so I had to make a split second decision. I knew it had to be one of the guys from my team, and they know how goofy I am, so I decided to make a joke of it. The door opened and I spun around, pantless, and did a little shimmy dance.”
Kate clapped her hands. “Oh, you would! That totally sounds like something you would do! So did he crack up?”
Darren raised an eyebrow. “Well, if it had been one of the guys from my team, then yes, I’m sure he would have cracked up. But it was a monk. A full on, bona fide monk. He made some frightened grunting noise and ran straight out of the bathroom.”
Her mouth fell open. “A monk? What do you mean a monk?”
“A monk! Like, a monk monk! A man who wears a robe and dedicates his life to praying.”
“Why was there a monk in the bathroom?”
“Well apparently the school lets these monks use the recording studio every summer to record albums. Gregorian chants or something, I’m sure. So basically, I pooped my pants and shook my junk at a monk.”
Kate was doubled over in laughter. “That is the most ridiculous story I have ever heard in my entire life. I love it! Oh my word that is just too good !”
“Oh don’t I know it. So that’s it. Now you literally know everything about me.”
“You are too
Similar Books
