staff meeting. I pull into the parking lot and race to the door. I pull it open and make my way toward my desk, where I dump my phone and messenger bag. When I step inside our conference room, everyone’s eyes turn to me.
“Sorry, I overslept,” I say as I sit down in the only available seat, which is next to Jill. With a nod, I sit down next to her. “Hey.”
She leans toward me. “You look like shit.”
“Yeah, well, I feel like shit.”
I turn back to our manager and pretend to listen as she gives us updates on staff, cases, and workshops coming up. As soon as she dismisses us, I apologize for being late and head to my desk. All I want is to bury myself in my work and get back to what’s really important. I don’t want to admit to anyone that I’m hurting or that I’m feeling sorry for myself, but I know some people aren’t meant for love, marriage, and kids, including myself, and I just need to be okay with that.
While typing up a report, I ignore Jill’s concerned look as she walks by my desk. Instead of saying anything to her, I pick up my phone and text my mom to see if I can stop and talk on my way home. Of course, she says yes and that she’s making me dinner. My appetite is pretty non-existent, but I already had to work so hard to get what little bulk I have, so it’s been a full-time job force-feeding myself lately.
“Brian?” I take a deep breath and turn to Jill, who’s standing next to my cubicle.
“Hey, Jill. What’s up? You’re looking well.” She’s due in another month or so and she’s all belly.
She strokes the swell of her belly, but her eyes are sad. Fuck, I really don’t want to do this now. Jill has always been a great friend to me, but this is one situation I really don’t want her to get in the middle of, and I don’t want any advice about it right now. I just want to wallow in self-pity for a while and then I want to move on.
“Thank you. She’s been using my kidneys and my spine as a punching bag lately. I think she’s starting to run out of room and she doesn’t like that. So, on to the elephant in the room. How are you?”
“I’m fine, really. It was probably a good thing it happened now than months down the road. I’m actually thinking about taking a trip. It just depends if I can get the time off. I hope she finds some happiness.”
I start to look at my computer, but Jill stops me.
“Go talk to her. Hear what she has to say, make her tell you why.” Her voice is pleading.
“I can’t, Jill. I can’t deal with the whole let’s be friends, but be more, but no, let’s be friends, anymore. It’s not fair to me or to her.” My cellphone rings, saving me from having to talk about Mila anymore.
“I’ll let you get that, but let’s talk later.” She disappears, and I let out a sigh of relief as I take my call.
With my mind focused, I decide that I’m going to have to sneak out of this place to avoid Jill later.
***
“Okay, thanks. I’m looking forward to seeing you guys,” I tell Nathan as I pull into my parents’ driveway.
“No problem. We can’t wait to see you. Cora’s already making plans for us. Wait until you see the baby. She’s getting so big.” I’ve only seen her in pictures and when we’ve Skyped.
“Well, thanks again for letting me come stay with you. I’ll text you when my flight gets in. I’ve rented a car already, so I’m pretty much all set. Give my love to Cora and Caitlyn.” I hang up and climb out of my car.
My mom greets me at the door. “Hi, my boy.” She wraps me in a bear hug. “I don’t like seeing my boy sad.”
I hated having to tell her about Mila. The look of disappointment that had crossed her face hit me right in the gut. She really liked Mila. Hell, I really liked Mila—I still do, but it was just not meant to be.
“I’m fine, Mom. I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” I follow behind her into the kitchen, then sit at the counter while she pours me a glass of
“Sorry, I overslept,” I say as I sit down in the only available seat, which is next to Jill. With a nod, I sit down next to her. “Hey.”
She leans toward me. “You look like shit.”
“Yeah, well, I feel like shit.”
I turn back to our manager and pretend to listen as she gives us updates on staff, cases, and workshops coming up. As soon as she dismisses us, I apologize for being late and head to my desk. All I want is to bury myself in my work and get back to what’s really important. I don’t want to admit to anyone that I’m hurting or that I’m feeling sorry for myself, but I know some people aren’t meant for love, marriage, and kids, including myself, and I just need to be okay with that.
While typing up a report, I ignore Jill’s concerned look as she walks by my desk. Instead of saying anything to her, I pick up my phone and text my mom to see if I can stop and talk on my way home. Of course, she says yes and that she’s making me dinner. My appetite is pretty non-existent, but I already had to work so hard to get what little bulk I have, so it’s been a full-time job force-feeding myself lately.
“Brian?” I take a deep breath and turn to Jill, who’s standing next to my cubicle.
“Hey, Jill. What’s up? You’re looking well.” She’s due in another month or so and she’s all belly.
She strokes the swell of her belly, but her eyes are sad. Fuck, I really don’t want to do this now. Jill has always been a great friend to me, but this is one situation I really don’t want her to get in the middle of, and I don’t want any advice about it right now. I just want to wallow in self-pity for a while and then I want to move on.
“Thank you. She’s been using my kidneys and my spine as a punching bag lately. I think she’s starting to run out of room and she doesn’t like that. So, on to the elephant in the room. How are you?”
“I’m fine, really. It was probably a good thing it happened now than months down the road. I’m actually thinking about taking a trip. It just depends if I can get the time off. I hope she finds some happiness.”
I start to look at my computer, but Jill stops me.
“Go talk to her. Hear what she has to say, make her tell you why.” Her voice is pleading.
“I can’t, Jill. I can’t deal with the whole let’s be friends, but be more, but no, let’s be friends, anymore. It’s not fair to me or to her.” My cellphone rings, saving me from having to talk about Mila anymore.
“I’ll let you get that, but let’s talk later.” She disappears, and I let out a sigh of relief as I take my call.
With my mind focused, I decide that I’m going to have to sneak out of this place to avoid Jill later.
***
“Okay, thanks. I’m looking forward to seeing you guys,” I tell Nathan as I pull into my parents’ driveway.
“No problem. We can’t wait to see you. Cora’s already making plans for us. Wait until you see the baby. She’s getting so big.” I’ve only seen her in pictures and when we’ve Skyped.
“Well, thanks again for letting me come stay with you. I’ll text you when my flight gets in. I’ve rented a car already, so I’m pretty much all set. Give my love to Cora and Caitlyn.” I hang up and climb out of my car.
My mom greets me at the door. “Hi, my boy.” She wraps me in a bear hug. “I don’t like seeing my boy sad.”
I hated having to tell her about Mila. The look of disappointment that had crossed her face hit me right in the gut. She really liked Mila. Hell, I really liked Mila—I still do, but it was just not meant to be.
“I’m fine, Mom. I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” I follow behind her into the kitchen, then sit at the counter while she pours me a glass of
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