duplex. It was three days after the fact, and he just looked straight through me like a dead man holding a box of photo albums.
I couldn’t bear to look at them. I still can’t.
“Did you know about that?” I ask, leaving words unsaid but somehow knowing that Flo was present for the worst of it.
“I did.” She simply says.
I rest my head in her lap. She leans back. We fall asleep like that.
Can’t Go Back - Flo
I pull Mal onto his bed after he starts to drift, laying him flat on his back I curl onto his stomach. Resting my head on his hard chest, I love the sound of him breathing in. I love his heartbeat. I’m drunk with it. I love this. Fuck, how did I let this happen? How did I let myself come back here with him? I’m dead and dead girls don’t get second chances even though I’m sure a lot of them wish they did.
Why me?
Why us?
Why this?
“I love you Mal, do you know that?” I whisper into his chest, tracing a pattern I created in my head. “I have loved you since we were ten.” I don’t know why I feel the need to say this.
I just go with it.
“You were standing at the bus stop with a bunch of other kids, when some older guy showed up and started picking on one of your friends. I think his name was Alec, you stepped right in. You stood pretty tall for a ten-year-old and you held your ground. You called the big guy a tool. He almost wet himself he was so shocked. You acted like you were going to knock his lights out. You glowed.”
Great. Now I feel like a tool letting all of my mushy feels out, but what’s the point in stopping now?
“I fell in love with you, and I never meant to, I just didn’t seem to have any control. It just happened. I looked up one day at you and you kind of smiled and kaboom, I realized that I was in love with you. When we got older and started high school, my mind couldn’t contain how I felt. We always used to make out and grope, but I thought it was just because I was there, and we were so close. I kept waiting for you to move on to somebody else.” As I speak Mal moves, pulling me close.
“You didn’t move on though; I mean not really. You slept with other girls, but you were always there when I needed you. Yeah, I was jealous as all hell but you didn’t know how I felt. I never told you. I think you always thought that I was just screwing with you.”
Again Mal moves, spreading my legs with one of his own. Oh yeah, that’s a new move. I smile as we snuggle.
“I missed you more than you will ever know and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain how much I love you. Letting you go now might just be one of the worst things that I ever have to do.” I look up to find soft green eyes peering down at me over a worried frown. His words are twisting with my own at the thought of either of us ever letting go. His voice is hard and cold and cruel.
“So don’t let go,” he almost shouts, and I take a minute before looking back down at his chest. This is not the time right now.
“Sleep Mal.” I lean my head down. I kiss his neck, his arms and his stomach muscles through his clothes.
“I won’t leave you. I’m apparently not allowed. This death grip you have on my arms should be illegal.” I wouldn’t give him up for the entire world, but I would give him up for himself. I know that this can’t be real and when we are both forced to wake up it will hurt more than before. The pain is a hundred times worse than I can
I couldn’t bear to look at them. I still can’t.
“Did you know about that?” I ask, leaving words unsaid but somehow knowing that Flo was present for the worst of it.
“I did.” She simply says.
I rest my head in her lap. She leans back. We fall asleep like that.
Can’t Go Back - Flo
I pull Mal onto his bed after he starts to drift, laying him flat on his back I curl onto his stomach. Resting my head on his hard chest, I love the sound of him breathing in. I love his heartbeat. I’m drunk with it. I love this. Fuck, how did I let this happen? How did I let myself come back here with him? I’m dead and dead girls don’t get second chances even though I’m sure a lot of them wish they did.
Why me?
Why us?
Why this?
“I love you Mal, do you know that?” I whisper into his chest, tracing a pattern I created in my head. “I have loved you since we were ten.” I don’t know why I feel the need to say this.
I just go with it.
“You were standing at the bus stop with a bunch of other kids, when some older guy showed up and started picking on one of your friends. I think his name was Alec, you stepped right in. You stood pretty tall for a ten-year-old and you held your ground. You called the big guy a tool. He almost wet himself he was so shocked. You acted like you were going to knock his lights out. You glowed.”
Great. Now I feel like a tool letting all of my mushy feels out, but what’s the point in stopping now?
“I fell in love with you, and I never meant to, I just didn’t seem to have any control. It just happened. I looked up one day at you and you kind of smiled and kaboom, I realized that I was in love with you. When we got older and started high school, my mind couldn’t contain how I felt. We always used to make out and grope, but I thought it was just because I was there, and we were so close. I kept waiting for you to move on to somebody else.” As I speak Mal moves, pulling me close.
“You didn’t move on though; I mean not really. You slept with other girls, but you were always there when I needed you. Yeah, I was jealous as all hell but you didn’t know how I felt. I never told you. I think you always thought that I was just screwing with you.”
Again Mal moves, spreading my legs with one of his own. Oh yeah, that’s a new move. I smile as we snuggle.
“I missed you more than you will ever know and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain how much I love you. Letting you go now might just be one of the worst things that I ever have to do.” I look up to find soft green eyes peering down at me over a worried frown. His words are twisting with my own at the thought of either of us ever letting go. His voice is hard and cold and cruel.
“So don’t let go,” he almost shouts, and I take a minute before looking back down at his chest. This is not the time right now.
“Sleep Mal.” I lean my head down. I kiss his neck, his arms and his stomach muscles through his clothes.
“I won’t leave you. I’m apparently not allowed. This death grip you have on my arms should be illegal.” I wouldn’t give him up for the entire world, but I would give him up for himself. I know that this can’t be real and when we are both forced to wake up it will hurt more than before. The pain is a hundred times worse than I can
Similar Books
