the man of the house when our father left, even though he was hurting so much.
“Hey you. How are you?” He follows me inside and I lead him into the kitchen, where he sits down at the breakfast bar.
“I’m horrible. I think I made a mistake, Nico. I miss him so much, but I’m scared it’s too late. He tried reaching out, but I didn’t respond.” Tears fill my eyes, obscuring my vision. Nico’s hand covers mine.
“Sweetheart, what’s going on? You’re a mess, Brian’s a mess, and now he’s gone.”
“What do you mean he’s gone?” My heart starts pounding in my chest, and I’m suddenly hot.
“Jill says he took a vacation and that he needed a break.”
“Do you know where he is? Does Jill?” I know I’m pleading, but I must see him, talk to him.
“No, sweetheart, I don’t. I don’t think Jill does either. Why did you stop talking to him? You never told us.”
With a deep breath, I look at my brother. I tell him about going with Brian to the martial arts studio and watching Brian with the little boy and taking off. Now that I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, I’ve realized how irrational it was to run off without explaining things to him.
“Why am I so fucked up?” My cries are quiet and I don’t hear Nico moving until I’m in his arms and he’s shushing me.
“You’re not fucked up, sweetheart.”
“But why do I always pick safe door mats and the one time I pick someone wonderful, I ruined it?”
“That shit with Dad and Ava affected us all. I drowned myself in alcohol, drugs, and women, hurting the one woman I love more than anything. You picked guys that could never have the power to hurt you. As far as Brian’s concerned, I think you need to talk to him and I think you need to tell him about the hysterectomy. I haven’t known Brian very long, but he seems like the kind of man that would stand by you. If he’s someone you can see a future with, then you owe it to both of you to give a relationship between the two of you a shot.” He pulls back and kisses the top of my head.
Nico leaves shortly after that. I know how to find Brian. I just hope that they’ll help me.
***
I pull into the driveway of Brian’s parents’ house and butterflies take up residence in my belly. I don’t know if they’ll even speak to me, but I have to try. I must find out where Brian is so I can talk to him. I only hope that he forgives me. With a deep breath, I climb out of the car and walk toward the front door. As I reach the steps, the door swings open and Brian’s mom is standing in the doorway.
“Can I help you?” Her tone isn’t mean, but it isn’t friendly either.
“Mrs. Burns, I know you have no reason to want to speak to me, but I need to see Brian. There are some things I’ve-I’ve kept from him. I think we could have something amazing, but I’m scared. He’s going to want things that I can’t give him.”
Tears start to slide down my cheeks as I unload on his poor mother. I tell her about my dad and his bullshit and about the fibroids and the hysterectomy. When I finish, I take a deep breath and wipe the tears from my cheeks.
She’s not saying anything and it’s freaking me out. Suddenly, I’m in her arms and she’s holding me so tight the tears start falling faster. This makes me miss my mom and her hugs. When the tears finally stop, she wraps her arms around me and leads me into her home.
“He’s in San Diego visiting an old friend of his. Here’s Nathan’s address.” She’s scribbling on a piece of paper. “When you have your flight booked, let me know and I’ll call Brian and find out where they’ll be.” She writes her phone number on the paper and hands it to me.
“I don’t know how I can ever repay you for this.” I remember what I have in the car. “Hold on. I have something for you and your husband.”
Out in my car, I very carefully undo the seatbelt and grab the sculpture that Brian inspired. I carry it into the house and
“Hey you. How are you?” He follows me inside and I lead him into the kitchen, where he sits down at the breakfast bar.
“I’m horrible. I think I made a mistake, Nico. I miss him so much, but I’m scared it’s too late. He tried reaching out, but I didn’t respond.” Tears fill my eyes, obscuring my vision. Nico’s hand covers mine.
“Sweetheart, what’s going on? You’re a mess, Brian’s a mess, and now he’s gone.”
“What do you mean he’s gone?” My heart starts pounding in my chest, and I’m suddenly hot.
“Jill says he took a vacation and that he needed a break.”
“Do you know where he is? Does Jill?” I know I’m pleading, but I must see him, talk to him.
“No, sweetheart, I don’t. I don’t think Jill does either. Why did you stop talking to him? You never told us.”
With a deep breath, I look at my brother. I tell him about going with Brian to the martial arts studio and watching Brian with the little boy and taking off. Now that I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, I’ve realized how irrational it was to run off without explaining things to him.
“Why am I so fucked up?” My cries are quiet and I don’t hear Nico moving until I’m in his arms and he’s shushing me.
“You’re not fucked up, sweetheart.”
“But why do I always pick safe door mats and the one time I pick someone wonderful, I ruined it?”
“That shit with Dad and Ava affected us all. I drowned myself in alcohol, drugs, and women, hurting the one woman I love more than anything. You picked guys that could never have the power to hurt you. As far as Brian’s concerned, I think you need to talk to him and I think you need to tell him about the hysterectomy. I haven’t known Brian very long, but he seems like the kind of man that would stand by you. If he’s someone you can see a future with, then you owe it to both of you to give a relationship between the two of you a shot.” He pulls back and kisses the top of my head.
Nico leaves shortly after that. I know how to find Brian. I just hope that they’ll help me.
***
I pull into the driveway of Brian’s parents’ house and butterflies take up residence in my belly. I don’t know if they’ll even speak to me, but I have to try. I must find out where Brian is so I can talk to him. I only hope that he forgives me. With a deep breath, I climb out of the car and walk toward the front door. As I reach the steps, the door swings open and Brian’s mom is standing in the doorway.
“Can I help you?” Her tone isn’t mean, but it isn’t friendly either.
“Mrs. Burns, I know you have no reason to want to speak to me, but I need to see Brian. There are some things I’ve-I’ve kept from him. I think we could have something amazing, but I’m scared. He’s going to want things that I can’t give him.”
Tears start to slide down my cheeks as I unload on his poor mother. I tell her about my dad and his bullshit and about the fibroids and the hysterectomy. When I finish, I take a deep breath and wipe the tears from my cheeks.
She’s not saying anything and it’s freaking me out. Suddenly, I’m in her arms and she’s holding me so tight the tears start falling faster. This makes me miss my mom and her hugs. When the tears finally stop, she wraps her arms around me and leads me into her home.
“He’s in San Diego visiting an old friend of his. Here’s Nathan’s address.” She’s scribbling on a piece of paper. “When you have your flight booked, let me know and I’ll call Brian and find out where they’ll be.” She writes her phone number on the paper and hands it to me.
“I don’t know how I can ever repay you for this.” I remember what I have in the car. “Hold on. I have something for you and your husband.”
Out in my car, I very carefully undo the seatbelt and grab the sculpture that Brian inspired. I carry it into the house and
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