bastard has a heart. Oh my gosh, bastard ? How fitting.” I laugh, rolling my eyes at my insanity.
“Ooooo-kay. I think you need to reel it in just a smidge, take a big deep breath and try to sift through that shit again. What does Luke and Drew have to do with your porch? You ain’t makin’ a lick of sense.” Carly snaps back at me, then tries to stifle back her laughter when she says, “well, the bastard comment…that makes perfect sense.”
Raking my hands through my hair I grit my teeth together and growl in frustration. “Drew, Carly! He’s obviously been watching me for a while now. He knew that Luke would watch over me at night, randomly appearing on the porch swing. I guess he figured I’d be the easier target now that Luke’s gone and since you never gave two shits about his constant stunts for attention. He tried to play it off as his way of protecting his little sister, but his threat was blatantly obvious to me.”
“Woah, woah, what?” Carly shrieks, her eyes widening to the size of saucers. “Drew has been watching you?” I nod, confirming what I just said is indeed true. “Savannah, I need you to calm down and tell me what the hell happened. NOW!” She spits through gritted teeth, the apple of her cheeks flaming red with heat.
I shake my head to clear the cloud of thoughts before speaking. I’m sure I’ve confused Carly enough with my incessant rambling, but I’ve bottled up so much this last week it feels like the cork popped free and everything I’ve held inside has just burst free.
“I expected it to be Luke, but was surprised when I realized it was Drew. He warned me about visiting with Josh, said that he was dangerous. Drew said he was looking out for me and would see what James could do to expedite the divorce proceedings, but he continually urged me not to visit Josh.”
Carly pinches the bridge of her nose and I’m sure I’m wearing her down. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“Carly it was in the middle of the night. There wasn’t much you could do.” I shrug my shoulders.
“There is always something I can do, damn it!!! You and the kids need to stay here for a few nights, Savannah. What if he goes a step further, Sis?”
Shaking my head, “No, I won’t do that. The kids are having a hard enough time understanding all the changes that have taken place in our lives these last few months. I won’t pull them from their home just when their finally settling in.”
Rolling her eyes, Carly huffs resigning her argument in defeat.
“Drew always has an underhanded play. Don’t trust him, Savannah.”
“I know better than to trust him, Carly.” I roll my eyes exaggeratedly. “In fact, I’m going to do the exact opposite of what he advised.”
“Like hell you are! Are you insane?”
“A little, I do believe so.” I smile nervously, but there is a little truth in my response. I feel like somewhere along the way I’ve finally cracked, the seams of my flawed existence fraying uncontrollably. “But even Luke suggested it, Carly. I need to show Josh that after all the hell he’s put me through, I’m resilient. He needs to see that the control he once had over me has diminished.”
Chapter Nine
Facing the music is easier said than done. Every step I take each day requires more and more strength. When I returned to Lexington last week, I had planned to visit Alyson and Sawyer’s graves – memorializing’ my family for the first time since their deaths, but also taking that first step towards forgivin’ myself for not being their hero. I cowered. I continue to make an excuse for myself puttin’ it off further and further. I’ve admitted that I was at fault for this tragedy, but forgivin’ myself seems impossible. It’s unforgettable, so therefore in my mind – unforgiveable.
Momma was surprised, yet pleased when I appeared on her doorstep in the middle of the night unexpectedly. It’s been a few months since I saw her last so she’s enjoyed
“Ooooo-kay. I think you need to reel it in just a smidge, take a big deep breath and try to sift through that shit again. What does Luke and Drew have to do with your porch? You ain’t makin’ a lick of sense.” Carly snaps back at me, then tries to stifle back her laughter when she says, “well, the bastard comment…that makes perfect sense.”
Raking my hands through my hair I grit my teeth together and growl in frustration. “Drew, Carly! He’s obviously been watching me for a while now. He knew that Luke would watch over me at night, randomly appearing on the porch swing. I guess he figured I’d be the easier target now that Luke’s gone and since you never gave two shits about his constant stunts for attention. He tried to play it off as his way of protecting his little sister, but his threat was blatantly obvious to me.”
“Woah, woah, what?” Carly shrieks, her eyes widening to the size of saucers. “Drew has been watching you?” I nod, confirming what I just said is indeed true. “Savannah, I need you to calm down and tell me what the hell happened. NOW!” She spits through gritted teeth, the apple of her cheeks flaming red with heat.
I shake my head to clear the cloud of thoughts before speaking. I’m sure I’ve confused Carly enough with my incessant rambling, but I’ve bottled up so much this last week it feels like the cork popped free and everything I’ve held inside has just burst free.
“I expected it to be Luke, but was surprised when I realized it was Drew. He warned me about visiting with Josh, said that he was dangerous. Drew said he was looking out for me and would see what James could do to expedite the divorce proceedings, but he continually urged me not to visit Josh.”
Carly pinches the bridge of her nose and I’m sure I’m wearing her down. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“Carly it was in the middle of the night. There wasn’t much you could do.” I shrug my shoulders.
“There is always something I can do, damn it!!! You and the kids need to stay here for a few nights, Savannah. What if he goes a step further, Sis?”
Shaking my head, “No, I won’t do that. The kids are having a hard enough time understanding all the changes that have taken place in our lives these last few months. I won’t pull them from their home just when their finally settling in.”
Rolling her eyes, Carly huffs resigning her argument in defeat.
“Drew always has an underhanded play. Don’t trust him, Savannah.”
“I know better than to trust him, Carly.” I roll my eyes exaggeratedly. “In fact, I’m going to do the exact opposite of what he advised.”
“Like hell you are! Are you insane?”
“A little, I do believe so.” I smile nervously, but there is a little truth in my response. I feel like somewhere along the way I’ve finally cracked, the seams of my flawed existence fraying uncontrollably. “But even Luke suggested it, Carly. I need to show Josh that after all the hell he’s put me through, I’m resilient. He needs to see that the control he once had over me has diminished.”
Chapter Nine
Facing the music is easier said than done. Every step I take each day requires more and more strength. When I returned to Lexington last week, I had planned to visit Alyson and Sawyer’s graves – memorializing’ my family for the first time since their deaths, but also taking that first step towards forgivin’ myself for not being their hero. I cowered. I continue to make an excuse for myself puttin’ it off further and further. I’ve admitted that I was at fault for this tragedy, but forgivin’ myself seems impossible. It’s unforgettable, so therefore in my mind – unforgiveable.
Momma was surprised, yet pleased when I appeared on her doorstep in the middle of the night unexpectedly. It’s been a few months since I saw her last so she’s enjoyed
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