all of it, every single unattractive
quality, but what she couldn't forgive—the one thing that pissed
her off most of all—was that Josh refused to come to bed at a
reasonable time.
Michelle groaned loudly when Josh
finally managed to stumble onto the mattress.
Josh cleared his throat. "Oh, did
I wake you?"
"No," Michelle said. "My eyes are
closed because I enjoy looking at the back of my
eyelids."
Not paying attention to what she
had said, Josh simply replied, "That's nice." A few moments later,
he poked her in the back and said, "Hey, Shelly, you
wanna…."
"No!"
"Jeez." Josh rolled on his side
and wiggled around to get comfortable. Seconds later he began
snoring while Michelle cursed that day back in high school when she
had first met him.
At this exact moment, on the
television downstairs, a breaking news report claimed that lottery
agents were busy tracking down the sole winning ticket of the
largest ever jackpot. The reporter said that the ticket had been
purchased at a liquor store in a suburb of Madison, Wisconsin.
Coincidently, the same liquor store where Josh always buys his
beer.
Shortly before midnight, Josh did
one last thing on what may have been the luckiest day of his life:
He farted loudly, waking Michelle once more.
"One of these days, Josh,"
Michelle said. "One of these days."
$$$
The next morning
Michelle left for work before Josh had even woken up. As she drove,
she thought how much she adored her job. Mostly is was because of
the people she worked with, but also because it allowed her to keep
a separate, secret, bank account. Her grand plan was to one day run
away to a tropical island, where a Romance Novel Hunk would make
her forget all about the Pillsbury Dough Boy husband of
hers.
It wasn't that Michelle didn't love
Josh, he simply drove her crazy… bat-shit
crazy . Besides, the word love, she knew, was
fairly relative. A person could come to love all sorts of
things—like Brussels sprouts for example. They stink, they look
nasty, but if that were all there was to eat, well….
As for Josh's tendency to drive
Michelle insane, if someone were to ask Josh what Michelle did for
a living, he wouldn't have had the slightest clue. Sometimes he
thought she was a maid and other times he thought she was a baby
sitter. It all depended on what she was wearing on any given day,
and whether he liked her outfit, or not.
For the record, Michelle was an
office manager. And she hadn't just started working a new job, as
Josh seemed to think. She had been working at the same place for
several years. She'd explained that to Josh time and time again but
it was a futile effort.
While Michelle clocked in to begin
her shift at work, Josh was still sleeping soundly. Thanks to an elaborate alarm
system sure to wake even the most dedicated sleepers, he never had
to worry about getting up too late.
The system went something like
this: First, he would hit the snooze button on the alarm clock
which Michelle turned on for him each night. When that alarm went
off for the second time, he would hit snooze again. Next, he would
turn off the alarm clock completely and falls back to sleep. Then
all he needed to do is wait for the final step, which was the
telephone ringing and ringing until he couldn't stand it any
longer.
"Ehhhhhhhhhhloooow," Josh grumbled
into the phone.
"You're still in bed? Damn it! Get
your lazy ass to work, Josh, or I swear…one of these day's I'm
goi—"
Josh hung up the phone, happy to
have such a fail-proof alarm.
Instead of skipping breakfast, Josh
skipped the shower, the shave, and the toothbrush. Breakfast was,
after all, most
important . Michelle had explained to him
that breakfast wasn't most important, rather it was the most
important meal of the
day , and personal hygiene should always
come slightly higher than watching cartoons in skid marked underwear while gorging
on a super-sized portion of Lucky Charms. Sadly, Josh never saw the
validity of Michelle's argument.
Josh left his
quality, but what she couldn't forgive—the one thing that pissed
her off most of all—was that Josh refused to come to bed at a
reasonable time.
Michelle groaned loudly when Josh
finally managed to stumble onto the mattress.
Josh cleared his throat. "Oh, did
I wake you?"
"No," Michelle said. "My eyes are
closed because I enjoy looking at the back of my
eyelids."
Not paying attention to what she
had said, Josh simply replied, "That's nice." A few moments later,
he poked her in the back and said, "Hey, Shelly, you
wanna…."
"No!"
"Jeez." Josh rolled on his side
and wiggled around to get comfortable. Seconds later he began
snoring while Michelle cursed that day back in high school when she
had first met him.
At this exact moment, on the
television downstairs, a breaking news report claimed that lottery
agents were busy tracking down the sole winning ticket of the
largest ever jackpot. The reporter said that the ticket had been
purchased at a liquor store in a suburb of Madison, Wisconsin.
Coincidently, the same liquor store where Josh always buys his
beer.
Shortly before midnight, Josh did
one last thing on what may have been the luckiest day of his life:
He farted loudly, waking Michelle once more.
"One of these days, Josh,"
Michelle said. "One of these days."
$$$
The next morning
Michelle left for work before Josh had even woken up. As she drove,
she thought how much she adored her job. Mostly is was because of
the people she worked with, but also because it allowed her to keep
a separate, secret, bank account. Her grand plan was to one day run
away to a tropical island, where a Romance Novel Hunk would make
her forget all about the Pillsbury Dough Boy husband of
hers.
It wasn't that Michelle didn't love
Josh, he simply drove her crazy… bat-shit
crazy . Besides, the word love, she knew, was
fairly relative. A person could come to love all sorts of
things—like Brussels sprouts for example. They stink, they look
nasty, but if that were all there was to eat, well….
As for Josh's tendency to drive
Michelle insane, if someone were to ask Josh what Michelle did for
a living, he wouldn't have had the slightest clue. Sometimes he
thought she was a maid and other times he thought she was a baby
sitter. It all depended on what she was wearing on any given day,
and whether he liked her outfit, or not.
For the record, Michelle was an
office manager. And she hadn't just started working a new job, as
Josh seemed to think. She had been working at the same place for
several years. She'd explained that to Josh time and time again but
it was a futile effort.
While Michelle clocked in to begin
her shift at work, Josh was still sleeping soundly. Thanks to an elaborate alarm
system sure to wake even the most dedicated sleepers, he never had
to worry about getting up too late.
The system went something like
this: First, he would hit the snooze button on the alarm clock
which Michelle turned on for him each night. When that alarm went
off for the second time, he would hit snooze again. Next, he would
turn off the alarm clock completely and falls back to sleep. Then
all he needed to do is wait for the final step, which was the
telephone ringing and ringing until he couldn't stand it any
longer.
"Ehhhhhhhhhhloooow," Josh grumbled
into the phone.
"You're still in bed? Damn it! Get
your lazy ass to work, Josh, or I swear…one of these day's I'm
goi—"
Josh hung up the phone, happy to
have such a fail-proof alarm.
Instead of skipping breakfast, Josh
skipped the shower, the shave, and the toothbrush. Breakfast was,
after all, most
important . Michelle had explained to him
that breakfast wasn't most important, rather it was the most
important meal of the
day , and personal hygiene should always
come slightly higher than watching cartoons in skid marked underwear while gorging
on a super-sized portion of Lucky Charms. Sadly, Josh never saw the
validity of Michelle's argument.
Josh left his
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