about.
“Madeline likes to do that too.”
“A girl after my own heart.”
A few seconds later, Nate dives into the water and swims into the deep end, about ten feet away from me. When he comes up, he treads water.
“You should come down this way,” he says. “The water’s clear, so you can see we don’t have an eel infestation.”
I bring my hand up to rub the back of my neck. It’s so difficult for me to stay away from him, especially with the promise of his wet skin just waiting for me at the other end of the pool. I want to put my hands all over him, it’s almost like a sickness how badly I want it.
“Are you afraid of getting your hair wet?”
“No!” I yell, half laughing. Just to show him how not afraid to get my hair wet I am, I dive under the water and swim over, giving his foot a gentle tug before I surface right in front of him, so we’re facing each other.
“You look good,” he says, giving me one of those smiles that makes me feel like my heart tripped and flipped and fell on its ass.
“You are so smooth.”
“I’m not trying to be smooth. I mean it.”
I roll my eyes.
“Why can’t I just give you a compliment?” he asks.
I look at him for a long while, and I don’t know that I have an answer for him. I swim over to the side of the pool, because suddenly my heart feels so heavy that I’m not sure I can stay afloat anymore. Nate follows.
“Callie,” he says, very softly.
My back is pressed against the shiny blue tiles that line the perimeter, and I’m looking down at my hands, all distorted by the water. He grips the concrete edge of the pool, one hand on either side of my head. He’s got me boxed in, but I don’t feel threatened by it. He’s close, but I could swim away if I wanted to.
The thing is, I don’t want to.
“He really did a number on you, didn’t he?” Nate says, not even trying to hide his anger. “You’re still torn up over it.” And the way the words come out, they’re a statement of fact. I have to set the record straight.
“I’m not torn up over it,” I tell him, looking him right in the eyes. And that’s the truth. I mean, it’s part of the truth, but things aren’t that simple.
“Callie-”
“I’m not. See, the thing is that I thought this would be us, you know? Me and Ethan getting married. Having a wedding, spending the rest of our lives together. I thought that’s where we were headed. I let myself believe I had forever with him, and then I came home and found him in bed with another woman. In our bed. And I just…I couldn’t believe it.”
“Cheating isn’t usually about the sex,” he says, like that matters at all.
“That doesn’t make it any better, Nate. That makes it worse.”
He nods, looking down, and I’m not sure if he doesn’t say anything because he wants me to keep going or because he just doesn’t know what else to say. There’s a part of me that’s ready to say this, to admit it out loud, and I want to admit it to him.
“Six months later, it’s not the sex that bothers me. Well, not really. It’s that I never thought he could do something like that to me. I didn’t think he was even capable of it. I was supposed to be the person who knew him better than anyone else, and I wonder how deep would I have gotten before I found out? Would we have gotten married? Would we have had children? How long would it have taken me to figure out that I didn’t know him at all? That’s what scares the hell out of me. So it’s not about him, you know? It’s about me. I don’t trust myself to know who it’s safe to give my heart to.”
Nate takes a deep breath, and his face is so full of understanding that I could cry. He reaches up and pushes a strand of hair behind my ear, and his expression is so tender that I can’t help but press my cheek into the palm of his hand and close my eyes. He makes me feel safe, and I don’t know if it’s right, but I want to allow myself the comfort that he offers, even
“Madeline likes to do that too.”
“A girl after my own heart.”
A few seconds later, Nate dives into the water and swims into the deep end, about ten feet away from me. When he comes up, he treads water.
“You should come down this way,” he says. “The water’s clear, so you can see we don’t have an eel infestation.”
I bring my hand up to rub the back of my neck. It’s so difficult for me to stay away from him, especially with the promise of his wet skin just waiting for me at the other end of the pool. I want to put my hands all over him, it’s almost like a sickness how badly I want it.
“Are you afraid of getting your hair wet?”
“No!” I yell, half laughing. Just to show him how not afraid to get my hair wet I am, I dive under the water and swim over, giving his foot a gentle tug before I surface right in front of him, so we’re facing each other.
“You look good,” he says, giving me one of those smiles that makes me feel like my heart tripped and flipped and fell on its ass.
“You are so smooth.”
“I’m not trying to be smooth. I mean it.”
I roll my eyes.
“Why can’t I just give you a compliment?” he asks.
I look at him for a long while, and I don’t know that I have an answer for him. I swim over to the side of the pool, because suddenly my heart feels so heavy that I’m not sure I can stay afloat anymore. Nate follows.
“Callie,” he says, very softly.
My back is pressed against the shiny blue tiles that line the perimeter, and I’m looking down at my hands, all distorted by the water. He grips the concrete edge of the pool, one hand on either side of my head. He’s got me boxed in, but I don’t feel threatened by it. He’s close, but I could swim away if I wanted to.
The thing is, I don’t want to.
“He really did a number on you, didn’t he?” Nate says, not even trying to hide his anger. “You’re still torn up over it.” And the way the words come out, they’re a statement of fact. I have to set the record straight.
“I’m not torn up over it,” I tell him, looking him right in the eyes. And that’s the truth. I mean, it’s part of the truth, but things aren’t that simple.
“Callie-”
“I’m not. See, the thing is that I thought this would be us, you know? Me and Ethan getting married. Having a wedding, spending the rest of our lives together. I thought that’s where we were headed. I let myself believe I had forever with him, and then I came home and found him in bed with another woman. In our bed. And I just…I couldn’t believe it.”
“Cheating isn’t usually about the sex,” he says, like that matters at all.
“That doesn’t make it any better, Nate. That makes it worse.”
He nods, looking down, and I’m not sure if he doesn’t say anything because he wants me to keep going or because he just doesn’t know what else to say. There’s a part of me that’s ready to say this, to admit it out loud, and I want to admit it to him.
“Six months later, it’s not the sex that bothers me. Well, not really. It’s that I never thought he could do something like that to me. I didn’t think he was even capable of it. I was supposed to be the person who knew him better than anyone else, and I wonder how deep would I have gotten before I found out? Would we have gotten married? Would we have had children? How long would it have taken me to figure out that I didn’t know him at all? That’s what scares the hell out of me. So it’s not about him, you know? It’s about me. I don’t trust myself to know who it’s safe to give my heart to.”
Nate takes a deep breath, and his face is so full of understanding that I could cry. He reaches up and pushes a strand of hair behind my ear, and his expression is so tender that I can’t help but press my cheek into the palm of his hand and close my eyes. He makes me feel safe, and I don’t know if it’s right, but I want to allow myself the comfort that he offers, even
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