donât know,â she mumbled. âI just donât.â
âBut why not, honey? You must have a reason.â
Katie didnât answer, just kept looking down and avoiding his eyes.
âKatie?â
Finally she looked up. Zach was alarmed to see tears. âKatie,â he said gently. âWhatâs wrong, honey?â
âAre you gonna marry her?â
Zachâs mouth dropped open. âMarry who? Miss Fairchild? â
She nodded miserably.
âOf course Iâm not going to marry her. Sheâs just a friend. Someone who is working for me.â And yet, even as he said this, he knew it wasnât the whole truth. He and Georgie werenât really friends. They hadnât known each other long enough to be friends. And he was attracted to her. Too much so, in fact. Maybe Katie had sensed that.
âI donât want you to marry somebody else.â Now the tears had spilled down her face. âI want Mommy.â
âOh, sweetheart â¦â Zach knelt by the bed. He felt like crying himself. âI know you do. IâI do, too.â
âWhyâd she have to die?â Katie sobbed.
At times like this, Zach felt so helpless. He knew the pat answers to these questions, but he also knew how unsatisfying they were. âI donât know, sweetheart,â he said honestly, putting his arms around her. âSometimes things happen that have no explanation.â
âItâs not fair.â
âI know itâs not fair.â
âI miss her.â
âMe, too,â he whispered.
After a few minutes, Katie seemed to gather herself together, and her tears stopped. âYou know, honey,â he said, reaching for a tissue so she could wipe her eyes, âMommyâs always with us. I know you canât see her, but sheâs here. Sheâs probably watching us right now, and maybe, if you close your eyes, you can feel her giving you a hug.â
Katieâs eyes met his, and he could see she wasnât buying it. She didnât want her motherâs spirit. She wanted a real, live mother. And not just any mother. Her mother.Zach sighed again. What could he say to his sweet child to make her feel better? That he would never marry anyone else? Never bring another woman into their lives? How could he promise that? He was only thirty-seven years old. He didnât want to spend the rest of his life as a widower. And he knew Jenny wouldnât have wanted him to, either. In fact, one of the last things sheâd said to him before she died was that she hoped heâd meet someone someday.
Finally, not knowing what else to say to his daughter, he whispered, âI love you, Katie. That will never change. You know that, donât you?â She nodded.
Zach hugged her again, then in a brighter voice said, âFannyâs got macaroni and cheese and tomato soup for you and Jeremy. Do you feel like eating tonight?â
âUh huh.â
âOkay, letâs go then. Iâll sit with you until Miss Fairchild gets here, okay?â
âOkay.â
It hurt Zach to hear the resignation in her voice. Poor kid. Sheâd barely had time to be a kid before Jenny got sick. Then thereâd been the year of treatment, the chemo, the hair loss, the weight lossâall taking place in front of Katieâs eyes. Sheâd had to grow up too soon, experience things no kid should have to experience.
In that moment, Zach knew he could not add to the burden Katie carried. No, he couldnât promise his daughter heâd never marry again, because he hoped someday he would. But he could promise himself that he would never do anything to make Katie feel she came second in his life. And if that meant he would have to be alone for longer than heâd like to be, well, that was the way it was. Unless and until he met a woman his childrencould wholeheartedly love and accept, heâd just have to accept his own burden of
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