done bad things to her and made her hurt, but I was still a selfish motherfucker. I wanted her smiles and her smell and her love all to myself. I wanted to wrap myself up in her and never let go.
I still want that.
Unfortunately, I fucked up too many times, so I had to pay the piper. I had to give up the one thing that made any sense to me in this whole shitty world, but it was the price I had to pay. I made the only choice I could at the time, but I do regret it. Joanie made sure I would regret it.
I regret a lot of fucking things.
I shut the door to her room softly behind me, trapping her inside with me. There was a thin white curtain hanging from the ceiling for privacy, and I pulled it closed around her bed, creating a cocoon around us. She rolled her head to the side and opened her eyes as I stepped close to her bed. For a long moment, I stared down at her and she stared back. I wondered if she was pissed, because quite honestly, she had every right to be. She jerked her arms, trying to lift them, and I realized that her wrists were tied to the bed with thick white leather straps. She stretched out her fingers like she wanted to touch me and I couldn't help but smile at her predicament. She was still my Joanie, tough as hell even when she was down and out.
“You tried to run?” I asked, keeping my voice low. “So they tied you down?” She scowled at me and mouthed something I couldn't quite catch. “Where the hell were you trying to go? You need to be here.” She opened her mouth again and let out a little frustrated puff of air. I ran my hand over the smooth leather that bound her right wrist to the bed, feeling grateful. Grateful that she was still in the hospital where she belonged. Grateful that she was away from me, even though I hated it. She reached for me again, so I had mercy on her. I entwined my fingers with hers, touching her lightly. A single touch was enough to get my dick hard, but that wasn't the point. The point was that I was the one who hurt her, over and over again. The point was that it was my fault that all of the shit had rained down on both of us.
Because I couldn't control myself.
Because I would hurt her again and keep hurting her.
Don't forget , I reminded myself. Never forget .
“Asshole,” she mouthed, exaggerating her lips around the word so I could understand. I leaned on the side of her hospital bed, draping my arms on the rail like I didn't have a care in the world. Meanwhile, every part of me was pulled tight with self-control. All I really wanted was to crawl in the narrow bed with her and spread her legs and fuck her like the animal I was. I looked down at our hands, noticing the nicks and cuts on my fingers and the bruises on my arms. I pulled my fingers from hers and she lifted her head off the pillow like she was trying to get closer to me. Not able to resist, I reached out for her, running my raw knuckles across her cool forehead. She moved into my touch with her whole body, wincing like she was in pain. I felt it too, deep inside me. She didn't know, but somehow it still hurt both of us the same.
She dropped her head back down on the pillow heavily, her eyes trained on mine. I let my scarred fingers roam through her hair, wondering how to keep the time from passing so I could stay. “I know, baby,” I whispered. “I'm an asshole.” She nodded slowly, fisting her hands in the light blue blanket that covered her lower half. “How do you feel?” She shrugged her shoulders slightly, her pink lips parting like she wanted to talk. I zeroed in on her lower lip, imagining the way it would feel against my tongue – soft and supple. I wanted to bite it. I wanted to suck on it until... but I was a piece of shit. She was in a hospital bed because of me. She might never speak again because of me. I had too much to atone for. I owed her too much. I didn't deserve her.
But I kissed her anyway.
I tightened my hand in her hair and dropped my mouth to hers, sucking her
I still want that.
Unfortunately, I fucked up too many times, so I had to pay the piper. I had to give up the one thing that made any sense to me in this whole shitty world, but it was the price I had to pay. I made the only choice I could at the time, but I do regret it. Joanie made sure I would regret it.
I regret a lot of fucking things.
I shut the door to her room softly behind me, trapping her inside with me. There was a thin white curtain hanging from the ceiling for privacy, and I pulled it closed around her bed, creating a cocoon around us. She rolled her head to the side and opened her eyes as I stepped close to her bed. For a long moment, I stared down at her and she stared back. I wondered if she was pissed, because quite honestly, she had every right to be. She jerked her arms, trying to lift them, and I realized that her wrists were tied to the bed with thick white leather straps. She stretched out her fingers like she wanted to touch me and I couldn't help but smile at her predicament. She was still my Joanie, tough as hell even when she was down and out.
“You tried to run?” I asked, keeping my voice low. “So they tied you down?” She scowled at me and mouthed something I couldn't quite catch. “Where the hell were you trying to go? You need to be here.” She opened her mouth again and let out a little frustrated puff of air. I ran my hand over the smooth leather that bound her right wrist to the bed, feeling grateful. Grateful that she was still in the hospital where she belonged. Grateful that she was away from me, even though I hated it. She reached for me again, so I had mercy on her. I entwined my fingers with hers, touching her lightly. A single touch was enough to get my dick hard, but that wasn't the point. The point was that I was the one who hurt her, over and over again. The point was that it was my fault that all of the shit had rained down on both of us.
Because I couldn't control myself.
Because I would hurt her again and keep hurting her.
Don't forget , I reminded myself. Never forget .
“Asshole,” she mouthed, exaggerating her lips around the word so I could understand. I leaned on the side of her hospital bed, draping my arms on the rail like I didn't have a care in the world. Meanwhile, every part of me was pulled tight with self-control. All I really wanted was to crawl in the narrow bed with her and spread her legs and fuck her like the animal I was. I looked down at our hands, noticing the nicks and cuts on my fingers and the bruises on my arms. I pulled my fingers from hers and she lifted her head off the pillow like she was trying to get closer to me. Not able to resist, I reached out for her, running my raw knuckles across her cool forehead. She moved into my touch with her whole body, wincing like she was in pain. I felt it too, deep inside me. She didn't know, but somehow it still hurt both of us the same.
She dropped her head back down on the pillow heavily, her eyes trained on mine. I let my scarred fingers roam through her hair, wondering how to keep the time from passing so I could stay. “I know, baby,” I whispered. “I'm an asshole.” She nodded slowly, fisting her hands in the light blue blanket that covered her lower half. “How do you feel?” She shrugged her shoulders slightly, her pink lips parting like she wanted to talk. I zeroed in on her lower lip, imagining the way it would feel against my tongue – soft and supple. I wanted to bite it. I wanted to suck on it until... but I was a piece of shit. She was in a hospital bed because of me. She might never speak again because of me. I had too much to atone for. I owed her too much. I didn't deserve her.
But I kissed her anyway.
I tightened my hand in her hair and dropped my mouth to hers, sucking her
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