been killed. But at the time, it felt like it would've been worth it. Maybe I should've let him do it. Or maybe I should've done it myself. But it doesn't matter now. What's done is done. I let the cop in, I invited the danger into Joanie's living room. I invited the violence in, not that it'd ever left since the moment I stepped foot in her cozy life. I asked for it and I got in spades.
But I never stopped loving her, even as I destroyed any future we had together.
I just couldn't help myself.
“Joan?” he called out, pushing the door open wider. I leaned back just in time so it didn't hit me, pressing my heels into the wood floor to catch my balance and keep from taking a step back. I sucked in a breath and held it. No answer. He tried again, taking another step inside. “Ms. Vasquez?” he said. Then he moved into my line of sight. I could see his profile and his hand curving around the door. Two more steps and he would be inside. Two more steps and I would have him. I didn't think about it anymore than that. I didn't think of it beyond what I wanted to do. It would be quick and rough but satisfying, like a fast fuck in a gas station bathroom. It was instantly regrettable, too, but I wasn't thinking of that at the time. I was single-minded, eyes on the prize like a starving lion looking on its last meal.
I was on him before he knew what had happened. He saw me out of the corner of his eye, or maybe he only sensed me, but I didn't wait for him to get his bearings. I pounced, hooking my arm around his neck and pulled him backward, making him lost his footing and stumble into me. He was bigger than I'd hoped and I had to exert more effort than I wanted to, but I was stronger. I was ready. I kicked the door shut behind him and then it was all up to me. It was time to get some answers.
Time to have a little fun.
Chapter Six
I moved through the dark hallways quietly, dipping into a random empty room every few minutes and waiting for the coast to clear. There were only a few night nurses on duty, and in the mood I was in, I didn't want to run into any busybodies and have words. My whole body was wired, every muscle jumpy and electrified. The violence made me like this. I didn't know what else I was capable of. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to back myself into a corner and have to fight my way out. I was itching for a fight, though. That's why it was fucking stupid to be there, but I couldn't help it.
I had to see her one more time.
She was smarter than I would ever be, but she was stupid when it came to me. I was her blindspot, her weakness. She was in denial, but I'd known for a long time that it was going to come to an end. The countdown had started ticking the second I got to Seattle. It was only a matter of time and now my time was definitely up. I'd slipped and fucked up and now there was no other option. I didn't want to hurt anyone else, but it was impossible. She would be hurt. She would curse me and fight me and try to dig in and hold on to me, that's why it had to be the way it was.
She couldn't know what I was planning. She couldn't know what I had done. Not only because it would protect her, but because it would prove to her all along that I was a monster. She thought I could be fixed but she was wrong. She thought we could play pretend and life would go along like gangbusters. Unfortunately, there was no fixing me. I had to go where all the other wild things were, where all the bad men like me went to try to escape the pitfalls , rules, and dangers of society.
But there was no way in hell I was going back to prison.
A single fluorescent light was on in her room, above the bed. Even though she barely looked like herself, she was still my beautiful Joanie. Her dark hair was spread around her pale face on the white pillow. The white bandage was thick around her neck. It was all white in there, clean and stark but still sickly, and I had the urge to grab her up and carry her out of there. I'd
But I never stopped loving her, even as I destroyed any future we had together.
I just couldn't help myself.
“Joan?” he called out, pushing the door open wider. I leaned back just in time so it didn't hit me, pressing my heels into the wood floor to catch my balance and keep from taking a step back. I sucked in a breath and held it. No answer. He tried again, taking another step inside. “Ms. Vasquez?” he said. Then he moved into my line of sight. I could see his profile and his hand curving around the door. Two more steps and he would be inside. Two more steps and I would have him. I didn't think about it anymore than that. I didn't think of it beyond what I wanted to do. It would be quick and rough but satisfying, like a fast fuck in a gas station bathroom. It was instantly regrettable, too, but I wasn't thinking of that at the time. I was single-minded, eyes on the prize like a starving lion looking on its last meal.
I was on him before he knew what had happened. He saw me out of the corner of his eye, or maybe he only sensed me, but I didn't wait for him to get his bearings. I pounced, hooking my arm around his neck and pulled him backward, making him lost his footing and stumble into me. He was bigger than I'd hoped and I had to exert more effort than I wanted to, but I was stronger. I was ready. I kicked the door shut behind him and then it was all up to me. It was time to get some answers.
Time to have a little fun.
Chapter Six
I moved through the dark hallways quietly, dipping into a random empty room every few minutes and waiting for the coast to clear. There were only a few night nurses on duty, and in the mood I was in, I didn't want to run into any busybodies and have words. My whole body was wired, every muscle jumpy and electrified. The violence made me like this. I didn't know what else I was capable of. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to back myself into a corner and have to fight my way out. I was itching for a fight, though. That's why it was fucking stupid to be there, but I couldn't help it.
I had to see her one more time.
She was smarter than I would ever be, but she was stupid when it came to me. I was her blindspot, her weakness. She was in denial, but I'd known for a long time that it was going to come to an end. The countdown had started ticking the second I got to Seattle. It was only a matter of time and now my time was definitely up. I'd slipped and fucked up and now there was no other option. I didn't want to hurt anyone else, but it was impossible. She would be hurt. She would curse me and fight me and try to dig in and hold on to me, that's why it had to be the way it was.
She couldn't know what I was planning. She couldn't know what I had done. Not only because it would protect her, but because it would prove to her all along that I was a monster. She thought I could be fixed but she was wrong. She thought we could play pretend and life would go along like gangbusters. Unfortunately, there was no fixing me. I had to go where all the other wild things were, where all the bad men like me went to try to escape the pitfalls , rules, and dangers of society.
But there was no way in hell I was going back to prison.
A single fluorescent light was on in her room, above the bed. Even though she barely looked like herself, she was still my beautiful Joanie. Her dark hair was spread around her pale face on the white pillow. The white bandage was thick around her neck. It was all white in there, clean and stark but still sickly, and I had the urge to grab her up and carry her out of there. I'd
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