you stoned?” Uncle Drew replies.
Taking a quick glance around the fridge again, I raise my voice a little louder, cupping my hand around my mouth to contain my words.
“Charlotte is in my living room. I just saw her boobs. I repeat, I JUST SAW HER BOOBS!”
There’s silence on the other end of the line and I wonder if the call dropped.
“Uncle Drew?” I whisper.
“I’m here, I’m here. Fuck! I wasn’t expecting this phone call for at least another seven to ten days. Aunt Jenny hasn’t finished making the bar graph, and we still have statistics to process. Shit! Okay, don’t panic. Did you TOUCH the boobs yet?” Uncle Drew questions.
“No! But she wants me to tell her how I feel. What the fuck do I do?”
Uncle Drew sighs. “Fuck. Feelings. Damn, she’s bringing out the big guns. Okay, here’s what you do. You distract her. Chicks are like squirrels on crack. Throw a nut in their direction and they’ll forget what they just wanted five seconds before,” Uncle Drew explains.
“So, you’re saying I should just change the subject when she asks me how I feel?”
“Fuck no! I’m saying, if she asks you some girly shit, you throw your nuts at her. Whip those puppies out, roll them around in your hands, and get her to focus on those bad boys instead.”
Remind me again why I thought calling him was a good idea?
“I’m not showing her my balls!” I whisper angrily into the phone.
Uncle Drew laughs and before he can give me any other stellar advice, I hear Aunt Jenny in the background.
“Drew, did you just tell Gavin to show Charlotte his balls to avoid talking about how he feels?”
“Babe, why did you get down from the roof? The almonds are almost ready and the pickled relish is cooling on the stove,” Uncle Drew pleads.
“Drew Parritt, are you telling Gavin not to talk about his feelings?” Aunt Jenny demands again.
I hear a rustle of fabric over the line and then Uncle Drew shouts, “ Jenny, look at my nuts!”
Peering around the corner, I see Charlotte walk into the room and look at me questioningly.
“Ooooh, I love your nuts. Don’t forget to grab the salad thongs. I’ll see you on the roof.”
A few seconds later, Uncle Drew comes back on the line as Charlotte walks right up to me and stands a few inches away, staring into my eyes.
“What did I tell you? Nut tossing works every time. Good luck. I gotta go. There’s a few orgasms calling my name.”
The dial tone sounds in my ear and I end the call, slowly lowering my arm down and placing my phone on the counter next to me, my eyes never leaving Charlotte’s.
“Are you done with work stuff?” she asks.
I nod my head in response, unable to speak because of her close proximity. I want to touch her boobs. They’re right in front of me, straining against the front of her T-shirt. They’re doing this on purpose! They know I can’t just reach out and touch them whenever I want. Fucking boob teasers.
“We kissed the other night,” Charlotte whispers.
I swallow thickly and nod again, trying not to look directly at the boobs since it would be rude.
“What were you feeling right when we kissed?” Charlotte asks, leaning in closer so that her boobs are now pressed up against my chest.
I want to snuggle her boobs and I want to kiss her and never stop, and she wants feelings! I have feelings, dammit! I have all the feels! But what if my feels aren’t the same as her feels and I look like an idiot because of my feels? I don’t want to look like an idiot!
Staring down the front of her shirt, her warm breath on my face, I reach for the fly of my jeans without even thinking about what I’m doing.
“I HAVE NUTS!”
“You look guilty. Why do you look guilty?” Tyler asks as soon as he hops into the passenger seat of my car and I take off.
How the fuck does he do that? Of course I feel guilty. My best friend stuck her hand down my pants last night and jerked me off. And when I tried to reciprocate and wound up
Taking a quick glance around the fridge again, I raise my voice a little louder, cupping my hand around my mouth to contain my words.
“Charlotte is in my living room. I just saw her boobs. I repeat, I JUST SAW HER BOOBS!”
There’s silence on the other end of the line and I wonder if the call dropped.
“Uncle Drew?” I whisper.
“I’m here, I’m here. Fuck! I wasn’t expecting this phone call for at least another seven to ten days. Aunt Jenny hasn’t finished making the bar graph, and we still have statistics to process. Shit! Okay, don’t panic. Did you TOUCH the boobs yet?” Uncle Drew questions.
“No! But she wants me to tell her how I feel. What the fuck do I do?”
Uncle Drew sighs. “Fuck. Feelings. Damn, she’s bringing out the big guns. Okay, here’s what you do. You distract her. Chicks are like squirrels on crack. Throw a nut in their direction and they’ll forget what they just wanted five seconds before,” Uncle Drew explains.
“So, you’re saying I should just change the subject when she asks me how I feel?”
“Fuck no! I’m saying, if she asks you some girly shit, you throw your nuts at her. Whip those puppies out, roll them around in your hands, and get her to focus on those bad boys instead.”
Remind me again why I thought calling him was a good idea?
“I’m not showing her my balls!” I whisper angrily into the phone.
Uncle Drew laughs and before he can give me any other stellar advice, I hear Aunt Jenny in the background.
“Drew, did you just tell Gavin to show Charlotte his balls to avoid talking about how he feels?”
“Babe, why did you get down from the roof? The almonds are almost ready and the pickled relish is cooling on the stove,” Uncle Drew pleads.
“Drew Parritt, are you telling Gavin not to talk about his feelings?” Aunt Jenny demands again.
I hear a rustle of fabric over the line and then Uncle Drew shouts, “ Jenny, look at my nuts!”
Peering around the corner, I see Charlotte walk into the room and look at me questioningly.
“Ooooh, I love your nuts. Don’t forget to grab the salad thongs. I’ll see you on the roof.”
A few seconds later, Uncle Drew comes back on the line as Charlotte walks right up to me and stands a few inches away, staring into my eyes.
“What did I tell you? Nut tossing works every time. Good luck. I gotta go. There’s a few orgasms calling my name.”
The dial tone sounds in my ear and I end the call, slowly lowering my arm down and placing my phone on the counter next to me, my eyes never leaving Charlotte’s.
“Are you done with work stuff?” she asks.
I nod my head in response, unable to speak because of her close proximity. I want to touch her boobs. They’re right in front of me, straining against the front of her T-shirt. They’re doing this on purpose! They know I can’t just reach out and touch them whenever I want. Fucking boob teasers.
“We kissed the other night,” Charlotte whispers.
I swallow thickly and nod again, trying not to look directly at the boobs since it would be rude.
“What were you feeling right when we kissed?” Charlotte asks, leaning in closer so that her boobs are now pressed up against my chest.
I want to snuggle her boobs and I want to kiss her and never stop, and she wants feelings! I have feelings, dammit! I have all the feels! But what if my feels aren’t the same as her feels and I look like an idiot because of my feels? I don’t want to look like an idiot!
Staring down the front of her shirt, her warm breath on my face, I reach for the fly of my jeans without even thinking about what I’m doing.
“I HAVE NUTS!”
“You look guilty. Why do you look guilty?” Tyler asks as soon as he hops into the passenger seat of my car and I take off.
How the fuck does he do that? Of course I feel guilty. My best friend stuck her hand down my pants last night and jerked me off. And when I tried to reciprocate and wound up
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