jogs back to the hospital to hang out with Max.
“We’re the crazies, Dee.” Hayley spins around so that she is facing me. “Remember that. We have nothing to worry about. It’s the rest of the world that should worry about us.”
I laugh at her absurd reasoning and shout back at her, “I’m not crazy anymore! My mental instability has been given the pink slip.”
“Bullshit!” she shouts, and I raise my middle finger. I laugh as I watch the few people in the parking lot look at us as they scurry to their cars.
Hayley’s right. I’ve got this shit handled.
We go straight to Ft. Lauderdale Beach, and I wish my stomach were empty of the pizza I binged on. I hold onto Adam’s hand, trying not to break his fingers as I wonder what my new life will be like. I hope Josie likes me more than Amber. Dr. Rios already warned me it could take a while for Josie to fully warm up to me since we only see each other a couple times a month since Adam went on tour. But I’m her mom. She lived inside of me for nine months, shouldn’t that count for something?
I follow Adam out of the car when we get to the beach and notice his hands are as sweaty as mine. His eyes are cold and determined, but he smiles warmly at me, probably trying to ease my own tension. He’s hurting too, I remind myself, and pull my hand away from his so that I can wrap my arm around his waist. He puts his arm around my shoulders and I move closer to him.
As we inch our way forward, I see the boulder of my nightmares and immediately turn away from the boulder I stood on when I failed to get Josh’s attention. Everything comes back to me. Josh’s smile when he found me in the crowd. How he looked on stage; he belonged up there. That was what he was born for, what he was destined for. He never reached the greatness life had promised him. At least not as a rock star. But the greatness we breathed together as a couple can never be forgotten.
My heart hurts, will always hurt for the life that was stripped away from us. I walk away from where the stage stood and its memories. I remove my flip flops and sit by the shore with my toes in the water. Adam sits behind me, and my body seeks his until I am leaning against him with his arms around me. He presses his face against my neck and I can feel his tears fall onto my skin. I reach behind me so that my hand cups the back of Adam’s head, and together we cry over someone who will forever be a part of who we are.
“Life just keeps going,” I tell Adam when my sobs finally turn into small tears, “but I feel like it’s moved on without me. I don’t want that anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever move on completely, but…” I trail off.
“We’ll move on together,” Adam replies, his lips pressed to my ear. “He wouldn’t want us to continue mourning him.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “Together.”
“Always,” he says, and my heart breaks at his words. “I have something for you.”
“Yeah?” I turn my head and smile at him.
“It’s been yours for a while, but I never thought it was a good time for it.”
“What is it?” I ask, my voice shaky with nerves as my heart slams in my chest. Whatever it is it’s going to hurt. I mentally prepare myself the best I can.
“It’s a song Josh wrote for you.”
“Josh?” I laugh.
“I helped.” I hear the humor in his voice and relax against Adam. My sweet and sturdy Adam, who has gone from being Josh’s best friend to mine.
“Let’s hear it then.” My smile is genuine, and I’m no longer bracing myself for a hardening blow. This is Adam. I trust him.
He places his lips by my ear again and begins to sing softly to me.
“ Just a look, a simple glance
Just one smile, that's all it took.
Just a moment
Amongst hundreds of other moments.
In that moment we were one
Our paths forever forged.
Four words slipped from my lips
Changing our existence
I love you.
Always.
I reached for your hand
And you took hold of my heart.
My very
“We’re the crazies, Dee.” Hayley spins around so that she is facing me. “Remember that. We have nothing to worry about. It’s the rest of the world that should worry about us.”
I laugh at her absurd reasoning and shout back at her, “I’m not crazy anymore! My mental instability has been given the pink slip.”
“Bullshit!” she shouts, and I raise my middle finger. I laugh as I watch the few people in the parking lot look at us as they scurry to their cars.
Hayley’s right. I’ve got this shit handled.
We go straight to Ft. Lauderdale Beach, and I wish my stomach were empty of the pizza I binged on. I hold onto Adam’s hand, trying not to break his fingers as I wonder what my new life will be like. I hope Josie likes me more than Amber. Dr. Rios already warned me it could take a while for Josie to fully warm up to me since we only see each other a couple times a month since Adam went on tour. But I’m her mom. She lived inside of me for nine months, shouldn’t that count for something?
I follow Adam out of the car when we get to the beach and notice his hands are as sweaty as mine. His eyes are cold and determined, but he smiles warmly at me, probably trying to ease my own tension. He’s hurting too, I remind myself, and pull my hand away from his so that I can wrap my arm around his waist. He puts his arm around my shoulders and I move closer to him.
As we inch our way forward, I see the boulder of my nightmares and immediately turn away from the boulder I stood on when I failed to get Josh’s attention. Everything comes back to me. Josh’s smile when he found me in the crowd. How he looked on stage; he belonged up there. That was what he was born for, what he was destined for. He never reached the greatness life had promised him. At least not as a rock star. But the greatness we breathed together as a couple can never be forgotten.
My heart hurts, will always hurt for the life that was stripped away from us. I walk away from where the stage stood and its memories. I remove my flip flops and sit by the shore with my toes in the water. Adam sits behind me, and my body seeks his until I am leaning against him with his arms around me. He presses his face against my neck and I can feel his tears fall onto my skin. I reach behind me so that my hand cups the back of Adam’s head, and together we cry over someone who will forever be a part of who we are.
“Life just keeps going,” I tell Adam when my sobs finally turn into small tears, “but I feel like it’s moved on without me. I don’t want that anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever move on completely, but…” I trail off.
“We’ll move on together,” Adam replies, his lips pressed to my ear. “He wouldn’t want us to continue mourning him.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “Together.”
“Always,” he says, and my heart breaks at his words. “I have something for you.”
“Yeah?” I turn my head and smile at him.
“It’s been yours for a while, but I never thought it was a good time for it.”
“What is it?” I ask, my voice shaky with nerves as my heart slams in my chest. Whatever it is it’s going to hurt. I mentally prepare myself the best I can.
“It’s a song Josh wrote for you.”
“Josh?” I laugh.
“I helped.” I hear the humor in his voice and relax against Adam. My sweet and sturdy Adam, who has gone from being Josh’s best friend to mine.
“Let’s hear it then.” My smile is genuine, and I’m no longer bracing myself for a hardening blow. This is Adam. I trust him.
He places his lips by my ear again and begins to sing softly to me.
“ Just a look, a simple glance
Just one smile, that's all it took.
Just a moment
Amongst hundreds of other moments.
In that moment we were one
Our paths forever forged.
Four words slipped from my lips
Changing our existence
I love you.
Always.
I reached for your hand
And you took hold of my heart.
My very
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