afterwards, I would grab his belongings and mine and walk to Avery's house. I held his medals and neck chain in my shaking hand. My mouth was dry and even though the weather was cold for December, I was sweating buckets.
It was eleven in the morning when I reached her house. She had put Christmas decorations outside, big red buckles hung on each side of the door and a big wreath with gold bells and small red flowers decorated the center of the door.
I didn’t want to do this.
I knocked at the door and heard her footsteps. I thought I was probably going to pass out.
17.
December 22nd, 2007
Avery
I heard someone knock at the door. I thought it was probably Megan. We were supposed to wrap some presents together this afternoon.
When I opened the door, I was shocked when I saw Remy standing on the doorstep. He was alone and I knew it meant something terrible had happened.
I looked at Remy silently, saw the immense pain, hurt and sadness in his green eyes. I knew what he was going to say but I wanted to pretend nothing had happened. I didn’t want to hear him tell me the truth. I didn't want to know.
He held out his hand and I could see bits and pieces of a chain. I knew what it was and I held out my hand, wanting to push it away. I couldn’t hold it. I screamed and cried. I had waited six months to be with him! The excitement I'd felt today, waiting to see him again was replaced by anger and heartbreak.
''Carter... Carter... No!'' I yelled. I was shaking from head to toe, hardly able to stay on my feet. Remy took me into his arms and I tried to fight him, but all my strength was gone. I couldn’t even stand up, I collapsed against him. He lifted me and silently carried me into the house and into the bedroom.
''What happened?'' I asked, sobbing. I knew that he couldn’t tell me exactly what happened, but I needed to know and I wasn't going to take any crap about it being classified.
''He was shot. He asked me to tell you that he loved you before he died in my arms.''
''Where were you when he got shot?'' Remy and Carter were always looking out for each other. I couldn’t understand how this could have happened.
''I was inspecting a room and when I turned around, there was a man standing behind him. He shot Carter before we even had a chance to warn him.''
I started crying even harder. My heart hurt. I had craved his touch for so long. I wanted my husband. I wanted his lips on my skin. I just wanted him back alive. I didn’t want to be a widow, I was way too young for that and he was way too young to die. We had so many things planned. I cried, begging to have him back.
Remy placed me on my bed and stood by the bed with tears in his eyes. ''I’m sorry Ave... I'm so fucking sorry.'' He knelt by the bed and held my hand, begging for forgiveness.
''I know it's not your fault, Remy, but my life, our lives are changed forever. I was so looking forward to seeing him today and now... I'll never see him again.''
''He was so excited about seeing you too. He couldn’t stop talking about you, Christmas dinner and everything you guys had planned. He loved you Avery, always.''
Remy remained by my side until I passed out from exhaustion. I didn’t want to sleep and leave him alone, because I knew that what he’d gone through was even worse than what I was suffering. He'd watched Carter die. Those images would never leave him, they would haunt him forever.
I heard some noise on the floor beside my bed. ''Remy?'' I asked sleepily.
''I’m here. I’m going to take a nap. I'm so exhausted I can't even stand anymore.''
I looked on the floor and saw he had grabbed a pillow and a blanket to create a makeshift bed on the tile floor. ''You can sleep in the guest room,'' I suggested.
''I’m fine here, Ave.''
Seconds later, he was snoring and the tears began to silently roll down my cheeks again. Where was my husband? This must surely be a nightmare? I had spent enough time without Carter already, I needed to be with
It was eleven in the morning when I reached her house. She had put Christmas decorations outside, big red buckles hung on each side of the door and a big wreath with gold bells and small red flowers decorated the center of the door.
I didn’t want to do this.
I knocked at the door and heard her footsteps. I thought I was probably going to pass out.
17.
December 22nd, 2007
Avery
I heard someone knock at the door. I thought it was probably Megan. We were supposed to wrap some presents together this afternoon.
When I opened the door, I was shocked when I saw Remy standing on the doorstep. He was alone and I knew it meant something terrible had happened.
I looked at Remy silently, saw the immense pain, hurt and sadness in his green eyes. I knew what he was going to say but I wanted to pretend nothing had happened. I didn’t want to hear him tell me the truth. I didn't want to know.
He held out his hand and I could see bits and pieces of a chain. I knew what it was and I held out my hand, wanting to push it away. I couldn’t hold it. I screamed and cried. I had waited six months to be with him! The excitement I'd felt today, waiting to see him again was replaced by anger and heartbreak.
''Carter... Carter... No!'' I yelled. I was shaking from head to toe, hardly able to stay on my feet. Remy took me into his arms and I tried to fight him, but all my strength was gone. I couldn’t even stand up, I collapsed against him. He lifted me and silently carried me into the house and into the bedroom.
''What happened?'' I asked, sobbing. I knew that he couldn’t tell me exactly what happened, but I needed to know and I wasn't going to take any crap about it being classified.
''He was shot. He asked me to tell you that he loved you before he died in my arms.''
''Where were you when he got shot?'' Remy and Carter were always looking out for each other. I couldn’t understand how this could have happened.
''I was inspecting a room and when I turned around, there was a man standing behind him. He shot Carter before we even had a chance to warn him.''
I started crying even harder. My heart hurt. I had craved his touch for so long. I wanted my husband. I wanted his lips on my skin. I just wanted him back alive. I didn’t want to be a widow, I was way too young for that and he was way too young to die. We had so many things planned. I cried, begging to have him back.
Remy placed me on my bed and stood by the bed with tears in his eyes. ''I’m sorry Ave... I'm so fucking sorry.'' He knelt by the bed and held my hand, begging for forgiveness.
''I know it's not your fault, Remy, but my life, our lives are changed forever. I was so looking forward to seeing him today and now... I'll never see him again.''
''He was so excited about seeing you too. He couldn’t stop talking about you, Christmas dinner and everything you guys had planned. He loved you Avery, always.''
Remy remained by my side until I passed out from exhaustion. I didn’t want to sleep and leave him alone, because I knew that what he’d gone through was even worse than what I was suffering. He'd watched Carter die. Those images would never leave him, they would haunt him forever.
I heard some noise on the floor beside my bed. ''Remy?'' I asked sleepily.
''I’m here. I’m going to take a nap. I'm so exhausted I can't even stand anymore.''
I looked on the floor and saw he had grabbed a pillow and a blanket to create a makeshift bed on the tile floor. ''You can sleep in the guest room,'' I suggested.
''I’m fine here, Ave.''
Seconds later, he was snoring and the tears began to silently roll down my cheeks again. Where was my husband? This must surely be a nightmare? I had spent enough time without Carter already, I needed to be with
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