anything?''
I was on the verge of crying again, but there was no way I was going to give in to tears. ''I might need some help with the turkey. I've never cooked one before.''
''Piece of cake. I'll come by in the morning and help you get it ready for the oven.''
''Thank you.'' My bottom lip was trembling but I bit on it to make it stop. I really didn’t want to cry.
''Do you want to go grocery shopping together, or do you want to give me a list?''
''I'll take her.'' Remy offered. ''I've got a few things to do around town.'' He didn’t specify what and I didn’t dare ask.
His words, his voice. He sounded so different. He had lost his joy and usual good spirits. It was understandable, but I missed the old Remy.
''When do you want to go?'' He asked and squeezed my arm a little.
I looked at his eyes and could almost see the images haunting him, I pulled my attention from his eyes and answered. "Tomorrow."
Megan wrote down a short list of the things we needed. She left the note on the counter beside my car keys.
''I'll bring the desserts. I'll bake a few pies,'' she offered
''I love pies. Thank you Megan.''
Patrick and Juliet had left while Megan was writing the list. Juliet needed to eat and take a nap. I have to admit that she was getting a bit antsy around here, I didn't have any toys for her to play with and she'd been affected by the morose mood in the house.
The men hugged and said their goodbyes. They were both very quiet, like me, they probably didn’t feel like talking. Right now, I would have been happy to hide in a cave and never come out again.
''I’m going to go home for now. I'll be back later, if you want.'' Megan said.
''Sure, my home is yours.''
She kissed my cheeks and left Remy and I alone. The house was silent. We seemed to have lost the ability to speak to one another, we were both grief-stricken and our previous easy friendship seemed incredibly strained.
''Is it okay if I stay here for a couple of days?'' he asked.
''Sure. I want you to stay here. I don't really want to be alone.''
''I know this isn't what we had planned and I'm sorry. Avery... Avery, I...'' He looked at me, his eyes brimming with tears. ''I wish I was the one who was dead. You guys had so many things left to do. I’m so sorry.''
''Don't ever say that again. Nobody deserves to die. Not you, not him, but this is what our life is about. Constant danger. I wish he was still here, I miss him now and I always will. I was so excited to see him, touch him, kiss him,'' I cried angrily. I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. ''But he died. He died doing something he loved. I'll never doubt his love for me, what we had was real. I just need time, Remy. I will be okay.''
''You are so fucking strong. I just want to drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels and forget I exist for a day. I feel this constant pain in my chest.''
''I feel it too.'' I took his hands in mine and placed them over my heart. ''I feel it too.''
He drew me into his arms and we both cried. I was tired of crying but I was heartbroken and it felt better when I let the emotions go. Remy kissed my hair like he always did before this happened. He was not my Carter, but it felt good to be with him. He was a dear friend and I couldn’t imagine life without him.
I tried as hard as possible not to think about the funeral, but I knew what was coming. I had been to two of them in the past. I couldn’t believe they were going to conduct a military funeral for my husband and they were going to fold the flag of the United States and give it to me. There was no way I could wrap my head around that. My mind wasn't ready to process this, not today.
''We’re going to get through this together, Remy, okay?''
''Of course. I'll get everything ready. I'll take care of everything.'' He pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes. ''I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me Ave.''
''I do.'' I cried harder. There was no reason for me not to forgive him.
''Thank you,
I was on the verge of crying again, but there was no way I was going to give in to tears. ''I might need some help with the turkey. I've never cooked one before.''
''Piece of cake. I'll come by in the morning and help you get it ready for the oven.''
''Thank you.'' My bottom lip was trembling but I bit on it to make it stop. I really didn’t want to cry.
''Do you want to go grocery shopping together, or do you want to give me a list?''
''I'll take her.'' Remy offered. ''I've got a few things to do around town.'' He didn’t specify what and I didn’t dare ask.
His words, his voice. He sounded so different. He had lost his joy and usual good spirits. It was understandable, but I missed the old Remy.
''When do you want to go?'' He asked and squeezed my arm a little.
I looked at his eyes and could almost see the images haunting him, I pulled my attention from his eyes and answered. "Tomorrow."
Megan wrote down a short list of the things we needed. She left the note on the counter beside my car keys.
''I'll bring the desserts. I'll bake a few pies,'' she offered
''I love pies. Thank you Megan.''
Patrick and Juliet had left while Megan was writing the list. Juliet needed to eat and take a nap. I have to admit that she was getting a bit antsy around here, I didn't have any toys for her to play with and she'd been affected by the morose mood in the house.
The men hugged and said their goodbyes. They were both very quiet, like me, they probably didn’t feel like talking. Right now, I would have been happy to hide in a cave and never come out again.
''I’m going to go home for now. I'll be back later, if you want.'' Megan said.
''Sure, my home is yours.''
She kissed my cheeks and left Remy and I alone. The house was silent. We seemed to have lost the ability to speak to one another, we were both grief-stricken and our previous easy friendship seemed incredibly strained.
''Is it okay if I stay here for a couple of days?'' he asked.
''Sure. I want you to stay here. I don't really want to be alone.''
''I know this isn't what we had planned and I'm sorry. Avery... Avery, I...'' He looked at me, his eyes brimming with tears. ''I wish I was the one who was dead. You guys had so many things left to do. I’m so sorry.''
''Don't ever say that again. Nobody deserves to die. Not you, not him, but this is what our life is about. Constant danger. I wish he was still here, I miss him now and I always will. I was so excited to see him, touch him, kiss him,'' I cried angrily. I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. ''But he died. He died doing something he loved. I'll never doubt his love for me, what we had was real. I just need time, Remy. I will be okay.''
''You are so fucking strong. I just want to drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels and forget I exist for a day. I feel this constant pain in my chest.''
''I feel it too.'' I took his hands in mine and placed them over my heart. ''I feel it too.''
He drew me into his arms and we both cried. I was tired of crying but I was heartbroken and it felt better when I let the emotions go. Remy kissed my hair like he always did before this happened. He was not my Carter, but it felt good to be with him. He was a dear friend and I couldn’t imagine life without him.
I tried as hard as possible not to think about the funeral, but I knew what was coming. I had been to two of them in the past. I couldn’t believe they were going to conduct a military funeral for my husband and they were going to fold the flag of the United States and give it to me. There was no way I could wrap my head around that. My mind wasn't ready to process this, not today.
''We’re going to get through this together, Remy, okay?''
''Of course. I'll get everything ready. I'll take care of everything.'' He pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes. ''I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me Ave.''
''I do.'' I cried harder. There was no reason for me not to forgive him.
''Thank you,
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