him.
~~~*~~~
L ater in the day, I woke up with my eyes burning and my head throbbing. I heard noises downstairs. I knew it wasn’t Remy because he was still snoring. I slowly walked down the stairs and found Megan, Juliet, Patrick and William sitting at my table. As soon as Megan saw me, she ran over and held me in her arms. I crumpled to the floor, unable to hold back all the pain I felt.
She held me and whispered words that I couldn’t even understand. My body was numb and shutting down. We had become so close, she was my best friend and we always knew this was a possibility, that one of us or both of us could end up widowed. We had promised each other comfort and support.
Juliet was asleep in her father's strong arms.
''Avery, you have to eat or drink something.'' I knew she was trying to get me to sit at the table. I had to get a hold of myself even though my whole future had been taken away from me. With Carter being in the Special Forces, I always knew this was something I had to be prepared for, but it was impossible to prepare for this.
My heart was bleeding.
Megan placed a warm coffee before me and asked me to drink some of it. She offered to make me something to eat, but there was no way I was going to get some food into my stomach. I couldn’t eat. My stomach was twisted in knots. My hands hadn’t stopped shaking and my eyes were constantly filled with tears.
I was used to living by myself but I couldn’t picture myself living here alone anymore. Before today, I'd always felt like Carter was here, filling the house with his personality, even though he'd been so far away. But now, I knew he would never return and that feeling was gone. I was freaking alone in this big, empty and cold house. I was scared and panicked at the idea of being here alone.
I drank two coffees and the tears finally stopped. I couldn’t even think about planning the funeral, even though I knew we had mostly arranged everything, just in case. He was way too young to die. I was trying to convince myself that he died happy, doing what he loved but I knew deep down that he would never have wanted to die so far away from me. Not without a goodbye kiss and I shivered as I thought of him dying there in Iraq, wondering what he'd been thinking in his last few minutes of life.
Remy came down the stairs and looked as bad as I did, if not worse. I wanted to hug him, take care of him and comfort him. When I had my accident, he did everything he possibly could to make my life bearable. I wanted to take those images of Carter's death away from his mind, because I knew they were all he could see right now.
He got himself a coffee and sat next to me. He placed his hand over my arm on the table. He didn’t have to say anything. I knew. We were going through hell. The sad part for him was that he had training to attend soon. He had to get his head together and face the reality. I wasn't ready for that. I didn’t even give a shit about Christmas, or the ten pound turkey that was currently residing in my freezer. I didn’t want to celebrate without Carter.
Megan didn’t ask any questions. She literally did everything I would normally do. My laundry, Remy's laundry, the dishes. Even if I told her not too, that I would get around it later in the day, she didn’t listen. I received flowers from other families on the street. They prepared meals and invited me over for their Christmas parties.
Carter had wanted to have a traditional dinner here and I was going to do that for him. He deserved it, for all his hard work overseas and for the love he'd given me. I would never stop loving him and I would do as we'd planned. I was going to celebrate Christmas, in our house.
''Megan, are you still planning on coming here on the 25th for dinner?'' I asked. She seemed surprised by the sudden question.
''Are you sure? You just lost... I mean, is it what you truly want?''
''Yes.''
''Well then, we'll be here as planned. Do you need help with
~~~*~~~
L ater in the day, I woke up with my eyes burning and my head throbbing. I heard noises downstairs. I knew it wasn’t Remy because he was still snoring. I slowly walked down the stairs and found Megan, Juliet, Patrick and William sitting at my table. As soon as Megan saw me, she ran over and held me in her arms. I crumpled to the floor, unable to hold back all the pain I felt.
She held me and whispered words that I couldn’t even understand. My body was numb and shutting down. We had become so close, she was my best friend and we always knew this was a possibility, that one of us or both of us could end up widowed. We had promised each other comfort and support.
Juliet was asleep in her father's strong arms.
''Avery, you have to eat or drink something.'' I knew she was trying to get me to sit at the table. I had to get a hold of myself even though my whole future had been taken away from me. With Carter being in the Special Forces, I always knew this was something I had to be prepared for, but it was impossible to prepare for this.
My heart was bleeding.
Megan placed a warm coffee before me and asked me to drink some of it. She offered to make me something to eat, but there was no way I was going to get some food into my stomach. I couldn’t eat. My stomach was twisted in knots. My hands hadn’t stopped shaking and my eyes were constantly filled with tears.
I was used to living by myself but I couldn’t picture myself living here alone anymore. Before today, I'd always felt like Carter was here, filling the house with his personality, even though he'd been so far away. But now, I knew he would never return and that feeling was gone. I was freaking alone in this big, empty and cold house. I was scared and panicked at the idea of being here alone.
I drank two coffees and the tears finally stopped. I couldn’t even think about planning the funeral, even though I knew we had mostly arranged everything, just in case. He was way too young to die. I was trying to convince myself that he died happy, doing what he loved but I knew deep down that he would never have wanted to die so far away from me. Not without a goodbye kiss and I shivered as I thought of him dying there in Iraq, wondering what he'd been thinking in his last few minutes of life.
Remy came down the stairs and looked as bad as I did, if not worse. I wanted to hug him, take care of him and comfort him. When I had my accident, he did everything he possibly could to make my life bearable. I wanted to take those images of Carter's death away from his mind, because I knew they were all he could see right now.
He got himself a coffee and sat next to me. He placed his hand over my arm on the table. He didn’t have to say anything. I knew. We were going through hell. The sad part for him was that he had training to attend soon. He had to get his head together and face the reality. I wasn't ready for that. I didn’t even give a shit about Christmas, or the ten pound turkey that was currently residing in my freezer. I didn’t want to celebrate without Carter.
Megan didn’t ask any questions. She literally did everything I would normally do. My laundry, Remy's laundry, the dishes. Even if I told her not too, that I would get around it later in the day, she didn’t listen. I received flowers from other families on the street. They prepared meals and invited me over for their Christmas parties.
Carter had wanted to have a traditional dinner here and I was going to do that for him. He deserved it, for all his hard work overseas and for the love he'd given me. I would never stop loving him and I would do as we'd planned. I was going to celebrate Christmas, in our house.
''Megan, are you still planning on coming here on the 25th for dinner?'' I asked. She seemed surprised by the sudden question.
''Are you sure? You just lost... I mean, is it what you truly want?''
''Yes.''
''Well then, we'll be here as planned. Do you need help with
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