painfully. ‘Come here then.’
And he put his arms around her, and, as Ellie realized what had happened, all she could do was stare into space, her eyes wide open.
This wasn’t the worst of it though. Mums and dads were splitting up all the time, everyone’s parents were at it. Mostly, though, they were fighting about custody and the kids were complaining about how often they had to go to the zoo at the weekends. From Plockton, however, emanated a deathly silence.
At first her father tried to make a joke of it. ‘It’s the post you see,’ he’d say. ‘Hasn’t quite reached Plockton. No electricity either. She’s trying to write by candle light.’
But as this became more and more obviously not true, he stopped mentioning it at all.
‘Are you sure,’ Ellie had asked timidly when she was about sixteen, ‘that she didn’t just die and you don’t want to tell me about it?’
Her father’s eyes had misted over. ‘Neh, she’s in Plockton with an accountant. Believe me, it’s a fate worse than death.’
‘Wow, what was it like?’ Ellie asked now.
‘It was great. We came into New York harbour by boat as dawn broke, right past the Statue of Liberty.’
‘God, that must have been amazing,’ said Ellie. ‘Kind of like the Titanic, but, um, afloat.’
‘Your mother got in a right strop with me because I wanted to send postcards and held her up.’
‘No, not much of a writer,’ said Ellie quietly.
‘And always in a hurry,’ said her dad. ‘Just like you.’
‘Oh, great,’ said Ellie crossly. ‘I’ll just nip down the clinic and get sterilized, shall I?’
‘Sorry Hedgehog.’ Her father put his arm aroundher and gave her a squeeze. ‘You’ll come back to me, won’t you?’
‘Of course I will, Dad.’
He hugged her briefly then moved away, both of them mildly embarrassed by the display of emotion.
‘… and anyway they served us the best breakfast I’ve ever had in my life. Did you know they put maple syrup on bacon?’
‘Bleagh.’ Ellie pottered about, her aim now to try and work out a way her father wouldn’t accidentally turn off the freezer and starve to death for the weeks she’d be away.
‘Okay. Here’s your list of instructions.’ She handed him a note in large type. He looked at it for a long time.
‘I’m not sure about the egg quota,’ he said finally.
‘It’s still a lot of eggs,’ said Ellie. ‘I just like to be here when you eat them, just in case.’
He shrugged. ‘And you better make sure to bring me back some duty-free.’
‘Sure – what do you want? An enormous bar of Toblerone, or a little bear with goggles on?’
He gave her a hug.
‘Look after yourself, Hedgehog. Lots of bad people in America.’
‘I know. Well, the president for starters. Don’t worry, I’ll be careful. I’ll just pop by a supermarket and buy an assault rifle.’
‘Hedge. I’m not joking. Look, I know you’re thirty …’
‘Da- ad .’
‘Sweetheart, you know you’re all I’ve got. And you’re still my little girl.’
‘I know.’ Ellie pulled herself away.
‘Don’t worry. If I learn to live like an American, by the time I get back I’ll be your quite remarkably big girl.’
Colin looked tiny with his bags around him.
‘I’ve never lived away from home before.’
Big Bastard was hovering nervously in the background.
‘You’ll be fine,’ said Ellie encouragingly. ‘Just remember; in other people’s houses, you pee in the pan.’
Arthur hoisted the last of Colin’s stuff up the steps.
‘Here you are, chicken,’ he said. ‘Your Sweet Valley High books.’
‘Now remember,’ said Ellie. ‘If you’re cooking, Big Bastard only eats food beginning with B.’
From the hall, Big Bastard grunted.
‘Baked beans, biryani, beer and Big Macs. Okay?’
Colin nodded solemnly.
‘But don’t let him have any chocolate buttons. His fingers are too stubby to get in the packet, and he gets all frustrated.’
‘Tell him I eat Bird’s Eye
And he put his arms around her, and, as Ellie realized what had happened, all she could do was stare into space, her eyes wide open.
This wasn’t the worst of it though. Mums and dads were splitting up all the time, everyone’s parents were at it. Mostly, though, they were fighting about custody and the kids were complaining about how often they had to go to the zoo at the weekends. From Plockton, however, emanated a deathly silence.
At first her father tried to make a joke of it. ‘It’s the post you see,’ he’d say. ‘Hasn’t quite reached Plockton. No electricity either. She’s trying to write by candle light.’
But as this became more and more obviously not true, he stopped mentioning it at all.
‘Are you sure,’ Ellie had asked timidly when she was about sixteen, ‘that she didn’t just die and you don’t want to tell me about it?’
Her father’s eyes had misted over. ‘Neh, she’s in Plockton with an accountant. Believe me, it’s a fate worse than death.’
‘Wow, what was it like?’ Ellie asked now.
‘It was great. We came into New York harbour by boat as dawn broke, right past the Statue of Liberty.’
‘God, that must have been amazing,’ said Ellie. ‘Kind of like the Titanic, but, um, afloat.’
‘Your mother got in a right strop with me because I wanted to send postcards and held her up.’
‘No, not much of a writer,’ said Ellie quietly.
‘And always in a hurry,’ said her dad. ‘Just like you.’
‘Oh, great,’ said Ellie crossly. ‘I’ll just nip down the clinic and get sterilized, shall I?’
‘Sorry Hedgehog.’ Her father put his arm aroundher and gave her a squeeze. ‘You’ll come back to me, won’t you?’
‘Of course I will, Dad.’
He hugged her briefly then moved away, both of them mildly embarrassed by the display of emotion.
‘… and anyway they served us the best breakfast I’ve ever had in my life. Did you know they put maple syrup on bacon?’
‘Bleagh.’ Ellie pottered about, her aim now to try and work out a way her father wouldn’t accidentally turn off the freezer and starve to death for the weeks she’d be away.
‘Okay. Here’s your list of instructions.’ She handed him a note in large type. He looked at it for a long time.
‘I’m not sure about the egg quota,’ he said finally.
‘It’s still a lot of eggs,’ said Ellie. ‘I just like to be here when you eat them, just in case.’
He shrugged. ‘And you better make sure to bring me back some duty-free.’
‘Sure – what do you want? An enormous bar of Toblerone, or a little bear with goggles on?’
He gave her a hug.
‘Look after yourself, Hedgehog. Lots of bad people in America.’
‘I know. Well, the president for starters. Don’t worry, I’ll be careful. I’ll just pop by a supermarket and buy an assault rifle.’
‘Hedge. I’m not joking. Look, I know you’re thirty …’
‘Da- ad .’
‘Sweetheart, you know you’re all I’ve got. And you’re still my little girl.’
‘I know.’ Ellie pulled herself away.
‘Don’t worry. If I learn to live like an American, by the time I get back I’ll be your quite remarkably big girl.’
Colin looked tiny with his bags around him.
‘I’ve never lived away from home before.’
Big Bastard was hovering nervously in the background.
‘You’ll be fine,’ said Ellie encouragingly. ‘Just remember; in other people’s houses, you pee in the pan.’
Arthur hoisted the last of Colin’s stuff up the steps.
‘Here you are, chicken,’ he said. ‘Your Sweet Valley High books.’
‘Now remember,’ said Ellie. ‘If you’re cooking, Big Bastard only eats food beginning with B.’
From the hall, Big Bastard grunted.
‘Baked beans, biryani, beer and Big Macs. Okay?’
Colin nodded solemnly.
‘But don’t let him have any chocolate buttons. His fingers are too stubby to get in the packet, and he gets all frustrated.’
‘Tell him I eat Bird’s Eye
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