Letting You Know by Nora Flite

nodding quickly. “I do.”
    He
was studying me as much as I was him, I could tell by the
contemplative wrinkle across his forehead. “I love her,
Deacon.”
    It
was like being stabbed, a searing pain that made me hiss through my
teeth. I had lied to myself, lied to him, thinking I was prepared for
such a thing.
    Holding
my stomach, my body went limp in the seat, eyes shutting as if to
hide the evidence from me. The honest, serious look in his eyes when
he had uttered those words...
    It
was impossible to escape.
    He
really means it.
    “ Hell,”
he breathed out, encouraging me to crack my lids. “That really
hit you hard, didn't it? Are you sure you don't still, you know, want
her—”
    “ No.
No, that's not it. I'm just... I guess hearing that, it sort of took
the wind out of me.” Chuckling in defeat, I let myself look at
Nicholas and tried to see past my irrational emotions. “I don't
think I care that you're dating my ex... I think it's more that she's
dating you. Does that make sense?”
    “ Perfectly,”
he sighed, unclasping his seat belt. “You really don't want
anything good to happen to me, do you?”
    “ I—what?”
Baffled, I watched him exit the car without looking back at me once.
“Nicholas, hey! Dammit,” I mumbled, wriggling out of the
door, following him. “Wait up, hey!”
    He's
wrong, he has to be wrong.
    That,
or maybe... maybe I really don't like the idea of him being happy?
    The
idea made me sick, so I took long strides to catch up with my
brother. He managed to get through the automated doors of the store
before I finally could grab his arm. “Hey!” I shouted.
    Nicholas
wrenched away, glaring at me hotly. “Don't touch me, Deacon.
Just back off.”
    “ Look,
calm down,” I said carefully, my head pounding from the turn
this had taken. Wasn't I the one who was supposed to be angry?
    “ I
don't want to calm down,” he growled, stomping down an aisle.
    “ Nicholas,”
I groaned, following him desperately. “Please, just talk to
me!”
    “ No,”
he shouted over his shoulder. “How does it feel to have someone refuse to listen to you for once?”
    That
shut me down. Standing still, I watched him walk away until he
vanished deep into the store.
    What
have I done?
    Reeling
from shock, I held my skull and hunched over. Time stood still, a
long moment in which I fought to keep from throwing up what could
only be acrid bile. I still hadn't eaten anything, the apple had gone
forgotten on the table after my mother's conversation with me.
    Exhausted,
weak, I leaned on the shelf of stuffed animals, amazing myself by not
collapsing.
    Everything
is all messed up. Is it because of me? Have I really done all this?
    Nicholas
thinks I have nothing but resentment for him... my mother questions
my rationale in investing in Leah...
    Leah,
am I hurting you, too, by not being able to grasp how I really feel?
    And
what about...
    What
about Bethany?
    The
very concept that I could have been in the wrong in regards to her
was too much. My worldview was flipping, it sent me spinning into a
blackness that brought nothing but the most painful of memories.

Five
Years Earlier

Chapter 8.

    We'd
managed to go on several dates over the course of our summer after
junior year. Each of them was glorious for me.
    At
least, initially.
    Bethany
was the purest example of virginity and chaste; she would let me hold
her hand, but we didn't even hug until the second month.
    Still,
I bit my tongue on all of it, continued to bask in her presence as we
were allowed to enjoy our time together under the watchful attention
of her parents.
    In
the end, though, I craved something far more intimate with the girl I
adored.
    Thus
began the process of encouraging her to stay out later and later. My
logic was that we would both be turning eighteen in a few months, so
with our senior year coming at us fast, shouldn't we be trusted to be
alone?
    Amazingly,
it worked.
    “ I
still don't know how you got my dad to agree to let you take