Leap of Faith by Fiona McCallum Page B

seeing some of the jumps, though not such a strong feeling that she couldn’t banish it with a shift of focus or stern word. Her father would have been so disappointed in her.
    Not that she believed too much in signs – didn’t let herself. If she gave in to that sort of scattered thinking she would look for them everywhere and never stay focussed. It would be like giving in to the fear, and she might as well throw in the towel and waste all the years and money her parents and she had put into chasing her dreams. Her aim had always been to represent her country, hopefully at the Commonwealth or Olympic Games. And while she’d had so many setbacks along the way – horses not making the grade, or being injured or getting sick; eventing was tough on everyone – Prince was finally looking like the one to get her where she wanted to be.
    Jessica closed her eyes and tried to picture herself riding cross-country again. It was daylight and she was wide awake, so there was no fear of the drowning nightmare frightening her. In her mind, she rode the course. But as she came around that last bend and imagined herself preparing to approach the water, her heart rate rose significantly. Suddenly she was gasping for air and gripping her chest. The dogs beside her got up and sat to attention, looking up at her. They whined. There was a sharp pain in her chest. She still struggled for air, her breathing too quick and shallow. It can’t be a heart attack. It’s just an anxiety attack. You’re fine. Just breathe . Jessica pulled her jumper up over her face in the hope it would act like a paper bag.
    She started to calm down and was soon able to take a few big, gulping breaths. She leant down and began stroking the heads of the worried dogs, slowly and rhythmically. Gradually the pain in her chest dulled and then disappeared, and her heart rate returned to just above normal. She was okay – weary, but okay.
    She sat feeling stunned, like when her father had rung to say her mother had died. I’m never going to be able to approach a water jump again, am I? I’m never going to ride cross-country again, because every course has a water jump . Then her mind went completely blank and still. She could hear birds chirping, the quiet whoosh of cars out on the highway, the gentle slap of the dogs’ tails on the timber below them. But other than these observations, she had nothing else going on in her head.
    Jessica felt as if she’d been punched in the ribs. She was no longer fighting for breath, but there was an ache, not too dissimilar from when she’d been dumped by her first boyfriend in year eleven. He’d just casually said with a shrug that he liked Mia Stevens more now. Jessica had stood there blinking with the same ache deep within her.
    She needed Steve. He always knew how to calm her down, how to make her feel loved. She’d had plenty of boyfriends since Paul Bowman, but Steve had been different from the start, even if it had taken her ages to believe his assurances that he wouldn’t leave her. They’d never sat down and discussed previous relationships at any great length, agreeing that what was important was theirs – the past was done; the present and the future were what warranted thinking about. When it came down to it, what you needed was someone who quietly and calmly supported you – even if they didn’t agree – someone you could safely navigate the choppy waters of life with. Jessica was beginning to see that the tough love approach of her father wasn’t quite all it was cracked up to be. Sure it had toughened her up, but thank goodness she hadn’t married someone like him. She felt safe, taken care of, with Steve. Right now she craved to be wrapped in the arms of her kind, rational, gentle but strong husband and hear him say what she was feeling was normal and that whatever decision she made would be the right one. And that’s what he