give them up? The money would be useful. Steve wanted to add another bull and two rams to their holding soon. And she knew heâd love them to start a family; the money could come in handy if she got pregnant. Babies cost a lot, didnât they?
She wasnât feeling at all maternal â had never gooed and gaaed over babies or small children, nor felt the strong desire to have one of her own. But she did think it would be nice to have children to one day take over everything theyâd worked hard to achieve. And while she didnât yet feel that burn of cluckiness she kept hearing other women speak of, she did keep coming across articles online and in magazines warning women not to leave it too late. She was coming up to thirty-one and the practical side of her said itâd be best to do it all before the age when the tests for at risk and older mothers kicked in.
But if she had a baby, she wouldnât be able to keep up her training and competition schedule, not with a little one in tow. And there were the months of pregnancy before that when she couldnât or shouldnât ride. As hard as it would be to part with Prince and Beau, it would be the right thing to do if she and Steve decided to start a family.
She felt a slight sense of panic at the thought of not being in horses any more â the one constant that had been there through every major event in her life and proven such a great source of distraction from any pain. If she was having a grief-stricken day, she only had to get out there on the arena and focus on her dressage moves or do some jumping and she was okay again.
Could she survive without that? Jessica wasnât sure she could go cold turkey, but it would be a waste to have such well-bred, valuable horses just wandering around in paddocks doing nothing. And surely it wouldnât be fair on Prince or Beau, either; they both seemed to love to work hard and please her.
She had the fleeting thought that she could get herself a cheap, quiet old hunter to potter around on after the baby was born â perhaps even join the hunt club that already used their property as part of their run. But deep down she knew she would never be content with anything less than the best and what she was used to. Jessica Harrington née Collins was a horse snob. Nothing wrong with being discerning and having high standards , she told herself.
Fine, some people liked the challenge of taking some scrubber horse without any serious breeding and getting it to do reasonably well in the basics and lower level comps. But that wasnât Jessicaâs thing, nor had it been her fatherâs. Only the best conformation and breeding had ever done for the Collinses of Collins Park, and while they started from scratch with their horses, they worked hard to get them up through the ranks as quickly as possible. Those who couldnât hack the pace and crumbled under the pressure were sold on without too many qualms. It was business.
One of Jeff Collinsâ mantras had been âSentimentality has no place.â Which was how Jessica, despite having a lot of affection for Prince and Beau, could even think of parting with them without a rush of heartache or tears.
And while she liked the thought of someone else taking Prince and Beau on to excel while she concentrated on giving Steve the family he wanted, her fierce competitive streak didnât want to see it or hear about it. And she wasnât about to let her insecurity stand in the way of what had the potential to be a considerable amount of money; Prince was at a high level and Beau was doing well in his own right. And Jessica had got them there â well, with considerable help from her father before his passing. She could live with that kudos.
Jessica found herself wondering if her few fleeting moments of apprehension in recent competitions were signs sheâd had her day. A few times lately, sheâd felt the slightest bit of a falter at
She wasnât feeling at all maternal â had never gooed and gaaed over babies or small children, nor felt the strong desire to have one of her own. But she did think it would be nice to have children to one day take over everything theyâd worked hard to achieve. And while she didnât yet feel that burn of cluckiness she kept hearing other women speak of, she did keep coming across articles online and in magazines warning women not to leave it too late. She was coming up to thirty-one and the practical side of her said itâd be best to do it all before the age when the tests for at risk and older mothers kicked in.
But if she had a baby, she wouldnât be able to keep up her training and competition schedule, not with a little one in tow. And there were the months of pregnancy before that when she couldnât or shouldnât ride. As hard as it would be to part with Prince and Beau, it would be the right thing to do if she and Steve decided to start a family.
She felt a slight sense of panic at the thought of not being in horses any more â the one constant that had been there through every major event in her life and proven such a great source of distraction from any pain. If she was having a grief-stricken day, she only had to get out there on the arena and focus on her dressage moves or do some jumping and she was okay again.
Could she survive without that? Jessica wasnât sure she could go cold turkey, but it would be a waste to have such well-bred, valuable horses just wandering around in paddocks doing nothing. And surely it wouldnât be fair on Prince or Beau, either; they both seemed to love to work hard and please her.
She had the fleeting thought that she could get herself a cheap, quiet old hunter to potter around on after the baby was born â perhaps even join the hunt club that already used their property as part of their run. But deep down she knew she would never be content with anything less than the best and what she was used to. Jessica Harrington née Collins was a horse snob. Nothing wrong with being discerning and having high standards , she told herself.
Fine, some people liked the challenge of taking some scrubber horse without any serious breeding and getting it to do reasonably well in the basics and lower level comps. But that wasnât Jessicaâs thing, nor had it been her fatherâs. Only the best conformation and breeding had ever done for the Collinses of Collins Park, and while they started from scratch with their horses, they worked hard to get them up through the ranks as quickly as possible. Those who couldnât hack the pace and crumbled under the pressure were sold on without too many qualms. It was business.
One of Jeff Collinsâ mantras had been âSentimentality has no place.â Which was how Jessica, despite having a lot of affection for Prince and Beau, could even think of parting with them without a rush of heartache or tears.
And while she liked the thought of someone else taking Prince and Beau on to excel while she concentrated on giving Steve the family he wanted, her fierce competitive streak didnât want to see it or hear about it. And she wasnât about to let her insecurity stand in the way of what had the potential to be a considerable amount of money; Prince was at a high level and Beau was doing well in his own right. And Jessica had got them there â well, with considerable help from her father before his passing. She could live with that kudos.
Jessica found herself wondering if her few fleeting moments of apprehension in recent competitions were signs sheâd had her day. A few times lately, sheâd felt the slightest bit of a falter at
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