myself heading into the clinic and having it done so clearly. He didn’t even go with me… he wasn’t there when it was finished… he didn’t even bother to call to see if I was alright afterwards, let alone help me pay for it.”
“That’s horrible, Jazz,” she said, placing an arm around me as my eyes began to moisten and redden.
“You want to know what the worst part was… the clinic gave me an ultrasound to check how far along I was before they performed the procedure. I was 13 weeks; I saw the baby on the monitor and even heard her little heartbeat before they sedated me. I was completely traumatized when I felt the baby move inside of me for the very first time. It was as if she knew what I was about to do.
They put me to sleep and when I woke up, I found myself in a row of beds setup along a blank wall. Maya, they were all filled with young girls our age. They made me get up to get dressed despite my protests of pain and blood splattered all over the white marble floor beneath me. There was… so… much… blood. They refused to let me leave because I was bleeding out so much. After getting dressed and drinking some orange juice, I was forced to literally endure them observing me for another hour. Girl, I was humiliated with a capital H.
When I finally did make it outside, the fresh air hit me so hard that I threw up in the bushes. Joel was waiting there for me so he could drive me home, but he had to practically pick me up and carry me to the car because I just wanted to curl up there next to my vomit and disappear from the world.”
“I swear, I’ll kill him with me bare hands the next time I see him,” she sneered.
“I tried to commit suicide later on that evening, but I was stopped right before I could hurt myself. For some unknown reason, Tyce called me at that exact moment just to check on me. I had talked to him the night before and told him what I was planning to do and he was simply calling me back to see if I was okay. He had no idea that I was about to kill myself… how could he? He saved my life and didn’t even know it.
That was the darkest day of my life by far and I have never really gotten over it. It still pains me to this day. Every year when everyone else comes together to celebrate Thanksgiving, I relive the anniversary of that horrific day. There’s no way I could ever block that memory out, because that day was perfectly named… Black Friday!
Nobody understands that I hate the person that I now see in the mirror everyday. It’s the face of a monster. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t regret what I did. I killed my own baby. Oh God Maya… I killed my own daughter for that PRICK!” I admitted reluctantly, burying my face in my hands as I finally released the secrets and horrors of that day.
“Where was I during all of this?” she asked me apologetically.
“I don’t remember… I was in such a dark place that I think my brain started blocking out bits and pieces in order to protect itself. I spiraled out of control, pushing everyone away, including you. Our friendship changed at that point… the closeness that we share right now becomes lost. We’re still friends and all, but it’s different… much different from how it used to be.
You see, Maya, I no longer trusted anyone around me. I became suspicious of everything. Paranoid that everyone was trying to hurt me… destroy me. I still have major problems with authority to this very day because of Able. I cannot stand it when people try to tell me what to do. I instantly get transported back to that time and I’ll be damned if anyone else makes or forces another decision upon me… EVER!
My drinking was at an all time high. I even slept with Tyce, Luke, and Able all in the same month trying to get pregnant again… believe it or not. I didn’t care who the father might end up being. The furthest things from my mind were the consequences and repercussions of my stupidity. The only thing driving me
“That’s horrible, Jazz,” she said, placing an arm around me as my eyes began to moisten and redden.
“You want to know what the worst part was… the clinic gave me an ultrasound to check how far along I was before they performed the procedure. I was 13 weeks; I saw the baby on the monitor and even heard her little heartbeat before they sedated me. I was completely traumatized when I felt the baby move inside of me for the very first time. It was as if she knew what I was about to do.
They put me to sleep and when I woke up, I found myself in a row of beds setup along a blank wall. Maya, they were all filled with young girls our age. They made me get up to get dressed despite my protests of pain and blood splattered all over the white marble floor beneath me. There was… so… much… blood. They refused to let me leave because I was bleeding out so much. After getting dressed and drinking some orange juice, I was forced to literally endure them observing me for another hour. Girl, I was humiliated with a capital H.
When I finally did make it outside, the fresh air hit me so hard that I threw up in the bushes. Joel was waiting there for me so he could drive me home, but he had to practically pick me up and carry me to the car because I just wanted to curl up there next to my vomit and disappear from the world.”
“I swear, I’ll kill him with me bare hands the next time I see him,” she sneered.
“I tried to commit suicide later on that evening, but I was stopped right before I could hurt myself. For some unknown reason, Tyce called me at that exact moment just to check on me. I had talked to him the night before and told him what I was planning to do and he was simply calling me back to see if I was okay. He had no idea that I was about to kill myself… how could he? He saved my life and didn’t even know it.
That was the darkest day of my life by far and I have never really gotten over it. It still pains me to this day. Every year when everyone else comes together to celebrate Thanksgiving, I relive the anniversary of that horrific day. There’s no way I could ever block that memory out, because that day was perfectly named… Black Friday!
Nobody understands that I hate the person that I now see in the mirror everyday. It’s the face of a monster. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t regret what I did. I killed my own baby. Oh God Maya… I killed my own daughter for that PRICK!” I admitted reluctantly, burying my face in my hands as I finally released the secrets and horrors of that day.
“Where was I during all of this?” she asked me apologetically.
“I don’t remember… I was in such a dark place that I think my brain started blocking out bits and pieces in order to protect itself. I spiraled out of control, pushing everyone away, including you. Our friendship changed at that point… the closeness that we share right now becomes lost. We’re still friends and all, but it’s different… much different from how it used to be.
You see, Maya, I no longer trusted anyone around me. I became suspicious of everything. Paranoid that everyone was trying to hurt me… destroy me. I still have major problems with authority to this very day because of Able. I cannot stand it when people try to tell me what to do. I instantly get transported back to that time and I’ll be damned if anyone else makes or forces another decision upon me… EVER!
My drinking was at an all time high. I even slept with Tyce, Luke, and Able all in the same month trying to get pregnant again… believe it or not. I didn’t care who the father might end up being. The furthest things from my mind were the consequences and repercussions of my stupidity. The only thing driving me
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