KING (Mistress & Master of Restraint) by Erica Chilson

awkwardly smooching each other’s cheeks. Regina gives me a quizzical look as she walks into her room. I follow because she left the door open- it stays open.

“Did you sleep well?” I stay near the open door, unable to walk any further. I’m not sure I can have this conversation. I don’t know if I can get through it in one piece. It has to be my obsession that’s making me doubt my decision. Fear, it’s fear that’s making me want to turn around and run like hell.
    I’m doing the right thing… I’m doing the right thing…
    “Like a brick, actually.” She sounds surprised that she slept well. Regina eats a quarter of the sandwich in one bite and washes it down with a huge gulp of coffee.
    “Really?” I roll my eyes at how hopeful I sound. I venture a few feet into the room.
    “Yeah, I did. I pass out in one bed and wake up in my own. Have to say , it’s strange… being back here… sleeping in this bed. Even stranger is that I’m sharing it with Marcus while he sleeps over there.” Regina points at the adjoining door that leads into Jamie’s room.
    “Imagine how strange it feels to him,” I s ay of my father. “I wonder if Jamie wishes that he was back in your bed,” I muse.
    “Doubtful.” Regina puts on a brave face, but her tone is infused with an emotion I can’t name. Like she wants him to want her and suffer from the loss, but at the same time she wants him, too. Or maybe Regina just hates his cowardly guts... I’m going with that.
    “The last time he was in this room, he found out I was pregnant, asked me to marry him, and then left to kill himself. So yeah, today is one of those days where I’ll probably tell him to fuck off.”
    “I tell him that every day,” I don’t joke. “Are you sure you’re okay being back here?”
    “When Albert and Grant brought me here, I sat in the car for a minute with my album. I got out and looked up to the sky while clutching a pair of wedding bands that were secured from a cheap chain around my neck. I was promising my dead parents that this wouldn’t be my future. This adorable kid practically tackled me while I was making my vow… Am I okay being back… Yeah, I think so. I’ll do anything for my kids. Plus it doesn’t feel the same here. I’m not some naïve girl who was stolen off the street. I’m a grown woman that can take care of herself. I’m here of my own volition… Yes, I’m okay,” she tries to convince herself.
    “Good. Is Marc in the bathroom?” I need to apologize to him, too, and he needs to hear me out.
    “I think Marc ’s giving us some privacy, actually. You need him, too?” Regina sounds vaguely disappointed that I don’t want to talk to her alone.
    “Yeah,” I bashfully say, and stare at my shoes.
    The eavesdropping rat-bastard appears as if by magic from the bathroom. They look at me expectantly while I hug my sketchbook to my chest. I’m struck with the thought that this is what it feels like to stand before your parents and grovel.
    Jesus, I don’t want to see Marcus and Regina as my Ma and Pa. It turns my stomach. That frustrated noise roars from my chest.
    “Sorry,” I whisper to the floor. “I was wrong , and what I did was unforgiveable. I’m going to try to behave. Ya know, no molesting Regina,” I tease. A smirk flirts with my lips, but instantly vanishes.
    “Mmm…” Marcus hums while snagging the last of the grilled ham and cheese sandwich. “Thanks,” he raises the sandwich in salute, a gesture of dismissal.
    I finally look at Regina since she’s so quiet. Tears instantly well in my eyes when I see her bottom lip quiver. I’d do anything not to hurt her, and here I am being the pain bringer.
    “I’m at fault, too. I’m assuming this isn’t just about last night ... But I knew something was up when we left the theatre, but I didn’t say anything. I could have made you stop, because I didn’t reach that headspace until midway through our… yeah, so anyway, it was partially my