Running Dry by Jody Wenner

thoughts are constantly getting interrupted by the reality of the fact that I will likely never see him again so there is no need to analyze the relationship further.  I’m left with the simple advice Regina told me which is that I have his memory and I can never unknow him.  Sometimes I wonder if that isn't worse though.  I might be stronger right now if I was able to go into South Sacto without this feeling of loss, like I'm leaving half of myself behind. 
                   
                 
    Zane
    The ceremony is short and to the point.  We are no longer soldiers in training, but are now expected to act in our roles as members of the North Sacto Armed Forces.  So on and so forth.  I spend the entire length of the ceremony searching the auditorium for my mother.  I finally see her, seated near the back of the room, near the doors.  She is alone.  I'm irrationally worried she'll slip out before I get to her, but I don’t know why.  She's here to see me.  Besides, there will be a short visitation after the formal pageantry is over where we are allowed to share some food and drinks set up along the back wall.  The free beverage is a real treat for people and some families look forward to it for a long time.
    I lock eyes with my mother just as things wrap up and I make sure not to lose sight of her in the crowd as I quickly make my way toward her.  We embrace and I note how small and fragile she feels in my arms.
    "Zane," she says shyly.
    "Hi, Mom.  I'm glad you came."
    "I wouldn't have missed it for anything.  You look very handsome in your uniform."
    "Thanks.  Want me to get your something to drink?"
    "No thanks, darling.  It looks like a mob scene over there.  I'd rather spend the time talking."
    "Me too.  Let's go out into the yard," I say, taking her gently by the hand and leading her out of the auditorium.
    We sit on a picnic table near the back of the yard, with a view of the high-wired fences.
    "So, you made guard.  I know that's what you were hoping for," she says, but her voice is sad.
    "It was, but..." I think about how my struggles to get the job feel meaningless now.
    "Bekka," she says, which surprises me.
    "You know about Bekka?"
    "Yes.  I'm sorry, Zane."  She’s looking down into her lap.
    My stomach drops.  "What happened?"
    "She’s been assigned to work in the South."
    It all suddenly falls into place.  "A Spy," I say.  There is a little relief though, knowing she's still alive.
    "Yes."
    "I don't understand.  You talked to her then?  What did she say?"
    "She didn't know anything more.  She was to leave this morning."
    I feel hollow.  My mom knows enough to not say anything else.  We just sit and stare out past the fence and she puts her hand on mine. 
    Eventually she says, "Sometimes honey, things don't work out like we had planned.  I know it doesn't help you to say that right now, but in time it will get better.  I can say that from experience.  And unfortunately, life doesn't stop throwing curve balls.  You just have figure out how to deflect them and move forward."
    "Have you figured it out?" I say with more anger than I want.  "How to deflect?  You look thin and I worry about you."
    "I still have bad days now and then, but I'm trying," she says.
    I think about all that she’s been through and my problems feel petty and lame in comparison.  Bekka is alive and didn't leave by choice.  All I can do now is switch my focus to other things, like the Resistance.  Maybe that's better, anyway.
    Finally, I squeeze her tiny hand and say, "I guess I don't have a choice but to try too, then."
    She smiles weakly. 
     
     
    PART TWO
     
    Bekka
    I'm blindfolded before they take me through the tunnel, which is funny, because I assume it's too dark to see much.  But, for security, I'm told it's important I don't know anything about my journey to the other side, which sounds like a scary metaphor for my death and I guess maybe in a way, it is a bit like