approval or pointing her finger to warn me before I do something I’ll regret. It sounds crazy because that wasn’t her and it’s not how she would’ve wanted me to live my life.
“Not to boast, but she knew I’d always land on my feet and that I could take care of myself. She even told me not to worry too much about Dad and Marcus, but I took it upon myself to meddle in their lives only because it’s my way of holding on to her. Without my nagging daily reminders or my attempt at keeping the traditions of Sunday dinners and holidays alive, I feel like she’ll just disappear for good.
“But it goes beyond that and it’s something I just need to get over on my own. I can’t replace her for them and I can’t be her, as hard as I try. She always had the right thing to say and the most sensible way to solve a problem. Marcus was putty in her hands, for whatever reason.”
“Riles, you’re doing an amazing job of everything. She’d be so fucking proud of you. For keeping an eye on Marcus, for loving your dad the way you do, for accomplishing so much.” I took her hand again, staring deeply into her eyes. The tears were welling up, but she held them back. The server showed up to check our drinks, but I waved her away until Riley could compose herself. I needed to lighten the subject before this impromptu lunch turned into something way too serious for her.
“I nearly shit myself when I saw your office today, babe. You’re an interior design rock-star. You even got me hard thinking about adding some sconces and wainscoting to my place.”
She laughed at my joke, and the sadness slowly faded. I lifted my beer, motioning for her to do the same with the rest of her mojito. “A toast.”
“To what?” she asked, confused.
“To lightening up and having a good fucking time.”
“Are you saying I have a stick up my ass?” She squinted and pouted, withholding her drink from my toast.
“No, you definitely do not have a stick up your ass, but… I can certainly give you one,” I winked.
Finally clinking her glass to my bottle, she bit her lip and smiled. “I’ll drink to that! Now, let’s hope the food comes quick so you can deliver on that promise before I have to get back to work.”
Thank God he lightened the mood and changed the topic. I definitely was not about to take it in the back door my first time as some quickie on the way back from lunch, but I’d risk risqué sexual banter over a near emotional breakdown any day.
I was way too close to telling him about all my fears. All the things I was afraid of doing without my mom. All the reasons I missed her so much. Confessing secrets and talking freely with Beck just came so naturally. I guess it was that we’d known each other so long, but since hooking up and getting to know each other more intimately—I don’t know. I felt like I’d grown so much closer to him in this last week. I could let my guard down with him. I liked that. I was pretty sure he did too.
And there were those feelings coming into play again. Confiding in him as a friend was one thing, but getting comfortable enough to actually think he cared about what I was telling him… that was dangerous ground I probably shouldn’t tread on.
After lunch, we walked back to my office where I offered to have him come in and hang out for a bit. He sweetly declined, saying he had errands to run, giving me a soft goodbye kiss on the mouth. That kiss said something the previous ones we shared hadn’t. While our kisses on Saturday night were empowered by pure lust and desire, our “see ya later” kiss meant so much more.
It meant we’d reached a comfortable place in whatever this was. One where we didn’t have to think about who we were to each other, just what we felt for each other. That simple kiss spoke volumes about the little time we’d spent together. And even though it wasn’t much, I already knew that I liked spending time with him. A lot.
Something
“Not to boast, but she knew I’d always land on my feet and that I could take care of myself. She even told me not to worry too much about Dad and Marcus, but I took it upon myself to meddle in their lives only because it’s my way of holding on to her. Without my nagging daily reminders or my attempt at keeping the traditions of Sunday dinners and holidays alive, I feel like she’ll just disappear for good.
“But it goes beyond that and it’s something I just need to get over on my own. I can’t replace her for them and I can’t be her, as hard as I try. She always had the right thing to say and the most sensible way to solve a problem. Marcus was putty in her hands, for whatever reason.”
“Riles, you’re doing an amazing job of everything. She’d be so fucking proud of you. For keeping an eye on Marcus, for loving your dad the way you do, for accomplishing so much.” I took her hand again, staring deeply into her eyes. The tears were welling up, but she held them back. The server showed up to check our drinks, but I waved her away until Riley could compose herself. I needed to lighten the subject before this impromptu lunch turned into something way too serious for her.
“I nearly shit myself when I saw your office today, babe. You’re an interior design rock-star. You even got me hard thinking about adding some sconces and wainscoting to my place.”
She laughed at my joke, and the sadness slowly faded. I lifted my beer, motioning for her to do the same with the rest of her mojito. “A toast.”
“To what?” she asked, confused.
“To lightening up and having a good fucking time.”
“Are you saying I have a stick up my ass?” She squinted and pouted, withholding her drink from my toast.
“No, you definitely do not have a stick up your ass, but… I can certainly give you one,” I winked.
Finally clinking her glass to my bottle, she bit her lip and smiled. “I’ll drink to that! Now, let’s hope the food comes quick so you can deliver on that promise before I have to get back to work.”
Thank God he lightened the mood and changed the topic. I definitely was not about to take it in the back door my first time as some quickie on the way back from lunch, but I’d risk risqué sexual banter over a near emotional breakdown any day.
I was way too close to telling him about all my fears. All the things I was afraid of doing without my mom. All the reasons I missed her so much. Confessing secrets and talking freely with Beck just came so naturally. I guess it was that we’d known each other so long, but since hooking up and getting to know each other more intimately—I don’t know. I felt like I’d grown so much closer to him in this last week. I could let my guard down with him. I liked that. I was pretty sure he did too.
And there were those feelings coming into play again. Confiding in him as a friend was one thing, but getting comfortable enough to actually think he cared about what I was telling him… that was dangerous ground I probably shouldn’t tread on.
After lunch, we walked back to my office where I offered to have him come in and hang out for a bit. He sweetly declined, saying he had errands to run, giving me a soft goodbye kiss on the mouth. That kiss said something the previous ones we shared hadn’t. While our kisses on Saturday night were empowered by pure lust and desire, our “see ya later” kiss meant so much more.
It meant we’d reached a comfortable place in whatever this was. One where we didn’t have to think about who we were to each other, just what we felt for each other. That simple kiss spoke volumes about the little time we’d spent together. And even though it wasn’t much, I already knew that I liked spending time with him. A lot.
Something
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