some footage of a snake that also d oes t h is. It h a d eaten a f u ll h ippo a ll b y itse lf . Y ou could see t h e s h ape o f t h e h ippo insi d e o f it, to t h e point t h at it no l on g er l oo k e d l i k e a sna k e b ut l oo k e d l i k e a h i pp o wearin g a snakeskin body stocking. A b l o k e t i c kl ed i t wi t h a st i c k a n d it was tickled that much that the excitement made it sick up the full hippo .
I ’ d h ate eatin g somet h in g so b i g t h at I wou ld n’t h ave to e at a g ain f or a f ew wee k s. T h e most en j o y a bl e p arts o f m y days are the parts when I’m eating. I got really fed up when I was in hospital with kidney stones and was told I wasn’t a ll owe d to eat, an d t h at was on l y f or one morning .
An ot h e r odd fi s h I l ea rn t about i s t h e n o r t h e rn ca v e fi s h . It’s tota lly bl in d d ue to t h e f act t h at it l ives in d ar k caves an d h as no use f or its e y es, so nature j ust d eci d e d to make it blind. I felt like I didn’t need my eyes on my hol i day to Lanzarote. Every trip I went on involved looking into vo l canoes, w h ic h were t h at d ar k t h at you cou ld n’t see an y t h in g , so w h at’s t h e p oint. T h ere is a f amous q uote t h at g oes, “In t h e k in gd om o f t h e bl in d , t h e one-e y e d man is king”. If there was a kingdom of the blind, Lanzarote is w here they should live. They’d be missing nothing. It’s an odd sa y in g , t h ou gh . I f I l ive d in t h e k in gd om o f t h e bl in d , I ’ d j ust te ll t h em I was t h e one wit h t h e wor k in g e y e. Be hard to be proved wrong. If they didn’t fall for that, I’d suggest that a blind man should be king as he’ll have our interests at h eart, w h ereas t h e f e ll a wit h an eye wou ld n’t. If I d i d n’t g et t h e k in g ’s j o b I’ d b e t h e k in gd om’s win d ow c l eaner. Mone y f or not h in g .
I couldn’t be doing with being a blind cavefish, though – the sea is not a good place to be if you’re blind, not with a ll t h em d an g erous t h in g s in it. T h e c h ances o f surviva l are s l im. It’s t h e e q uiva l ent to b ein g a bl in d l o ll i p o p man. S cary, scary place, the sea. It’s mad how people need a l i cence to drive a car and yet anyone can go into the sea with n o k now l e d ge o f w h at d angers are in t h ere.
I carrie d on wit h my tour o f t h e A quarium. I was as k e d i f I wou ld l i k e a p icture o f me sat on t h e b ac k o f a d o lph in, but I tu rn ed do wn t h e o ff e r . A lot of people were havin g them done, though. They took your picture on a green b ackground and then superimposed your image to make y ou l oo k l i k e y ou’re scu b a d ivin g or ri d in g a d o lph in or sat o n to p o f a w h a l e. T h is seems to b e ever y one’s d ream be f ore the y die, to swim with dol p hins and whales, y et p eo p le are panicking when the news says global warming means t h at Britain is gonna b e un d erwater b y t h e year 2025. Do t h e y want to swim wit h d o lph ins or not?
I turne d a corner an d t h ere were a l oa d o f nois y k i d s a ll gathering round a fish tank that had a clownfish in it. This i s a ll because o f t h e film Finding Nem o . It’s odd how you can h ave a stone fi s h t h at can k i ll a man, an d y et a ce l e b rit y fi s h that does nothin g s p ecial g ets all the attention. A l l t h e ki ds w ere shoutin g Nemo’s name and havin g their p icture taken w ith it. It was like watching the fuss around a Big Brother w inner. I h a d n’t seen t h is sort o f commotion at an ex h i b ition since some o ld women g ot excite d at t h e Tutan kha mun show when they saw Jilly G oo l de n t h e win e c ri t i c in the queue. Even the fat Irish kid who I saw on the way in had got out of his pram to see Nemo. He asked his mam if h e cou ld h ave one. I d on’t k now i f h e meant h e wante d it as a pet or on a san d wic h .
I ma d e m y
I ’ d h ate eatin g somet h in g so b i g t h at I wou ld n’t h ave to e at a g ain f or a f ew wee k s. T h e most en j o y a bl e p arts o f m y days are the parts when I’m eating. I got really fed up when I was in hospital with kidney stones and was told I wasn’t a ll owe d to eat, an d t h at was on l y f or one morning .
An ot h e r odd fi s h I l ea rn t about i s t h e n o r t h e rn ca v e fi s h . It’s tota lly bl in d d ue to t h e f act t h at it l ives in d ar k caves an d h as no use f or its e y es, so nature j ust d eci d e d to make it blind. I felt like I didn’t need my eyes on my hol i day to Lanzarote. Every trip I went on involved looking into vo l canoes, w h ic h were t h at d ar k t h at you cou ld n’t see an y t h in g , so w h at’s t h e p oint. T h ere is a f amous q uote t h at g oes, “In t h e k in gd om o f t h e bl in d , t h e one-e y e d man is king”. If there was a kingdom of the blind, Lanzarote is w here they should live. They’d be missing nothing. It’s an odd sa y in g , t h ou gh . I f I l ive d in t h e k in gd om o f t h e bl in d , I ’ d j ust te ll t h em I was t h e one wit h t h e wor k in g e y e. Be hard to be proved wrong. If they didn’t fall for that, I’d suggest that a blind man should be king as he’ll have our interests at h eart, w h ereas t h e f e ll a wit h an eye wou ld n’t. If I d i d n’t g et t h e k in g ’s j o b I’ d b e t h e k in gd om’s win d ow c l eaner. Mone y f or not h in g .
I couldn’t be doing with being a blind cavefish, though – the sea is not a good place to be if you’re blind, not with a ll t h em d an g erous t h in g s in it. T h e c h ances o f surviva l are s l im. It’s t h e e q uiva l ent to b ein g a bl in d l o ll i p o p man. S cary, scary place, the sea. It’s mad how people need a l i cence to drive a car and yet anyone can go into the sea with n o k now l e d ge o f w h at d angers are in t h ere.
I carrie d on wit h my tour o f t h e A quarium. I was as k e d i f I wou ld l i k e a p icture o f me sat on t h e b ac k o f a d o lph in, but I tu rn ed do wn t h e o ff e r . A lot of people were havin g them done, though. They took your picture on a green b ackground and then superimposed your image to make y ou l oo k l i k e y ou’re scu b a d ivin g or ri d in g a d o lph in or sat o n to p o f a w h a l e. T h is seems to b e ever y one’s d ream be f ore the y die, to swim with dol p hins and whales, y et p eo p le are panicking when the news says global warming means t h at Britain is gonna b e un d erwater b y t h e year 2025. Do t h e y want to swim wit h d o lph ins or not?
I turne d a corner an d t h ere were a l oa d o f nois y k i d s a ll gathering round a fish tank that had a clownfish in it. This i s a ll because o f t h e film Finding Nem o . It’s odd how you can h ave a stone fi s h t h at can k i ll a man, an d y et a ce l e b rit y fi s h that does nothin g s p ecial g ets all the attention. A l l t h e ki ds w ere shoutin g Nemo’s name and havin g their p icture taken w ith it. It was like watching the fuss around a Big Brother w inner. I h a d n’t seen t h is sort o f commotion at an ex h i b ition since some o ld women g ot excite d at t h e Tutan kha mun show when they saw Jilly G oo l de n t h e win e c ri t i c in the queue. Even the fat Irish kid who I saw on the way in had got out of his pram to see Nemo. He asked his mam if h e cou ld h ave one. I d on’t k now i f h e meant h e wante d it as a pet or on a san d wic h .
I ma d e m y
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