It was “ b oar d g ames” t h at h e lp im p rove maths. This is another p roblem with news. Sometimes the story isn’t told clearly enough .
Mo r e bad w a r n e w s in t h e Mi dd l e E ast. I do n’ t kn o w h ow t h e y can k ee p t h is an g er u p . It’s g one on f or so l on g I ’ve f or g ot h ow it a ll starte d in t h e fi rst pl ace. T h e same ha pp ened when I watched Lor d o f t h e Rin gs .
Called me dad to see if he had any news for me.
“ Not h in g ”, h e sai d . “ Y our mam has been out and bought a new toi l et- b rus h h o ld er , b ut t h e b rus h d oesn’t fi t so s h e’s j ust usin g it to p ut fl owers in instea d .” T h e y waste not h in g , m e m a m a n d dad.
Tuesday
W o k e u p to t h e news t h at p eo pl e were h a pp ier in t h e 1960s than the y are now. This isn’t news, it’s obvious, it’s p robabl y cos they were younger back then .
It’s “Ta lk L ik e a Pirate Da y ” to d a y . I’ve never h ear d o f it b e f ore b ut a pp arent ly it ta k es pl ace ever y y ear. Peo pl e are as k e d to d ress u p l i k e p irates an d ta lk l i k e t h em. T h e y d i d n’t have time to go into the reasons behind it, but the man on t h e ra d io sai d it ma k es p eo pl e in t h e streets smi l e. O ne f e ll a h a d rea lly g ot into it by h irin g a p arrot to h ave on h is s h ou l d er. T h e report d i d n’t say w h y pirates use d to h ave parrots. M ost p irates h a d one e y e, one l e g an d a h oo k f or a h an d . I don’t know wh y p eo p le feared them. If the y were around today they’d be registered disabled and would be entitled to so many benefits they wouldn’t have to mess about looking f or treasure c h ests. I f I on ly h a d one e y e, t h ere is no wa y I w ou ld ris k l osin g t h e ot h er by h avin g a p arrot wit h a s h ar p b eak on me shoulder. I learnt nothin g from this re p ort.
Bought newspaper from my local shop. No one in there w as d resse d or ta lk ing l i k e a pirate. T h e news can ma k e t h in g s seem b i gg er t h an t h e y are, sometimes.
T h ere is ta lk o f environment- f rien dly f unera l s. T h e pa p er said, “Embalming fluid is made with formaldehyde, w hich is a carcinogen. Coffins are made from formalde hyd e- gl ue d c h i pb oar d covere d in a t h in veneer. Coffin h an dl es are usua lly ma d e o f pl astic. T h ese su b stances p o l l ute durin g manufacture and after burial. Other ex p ensive coffins are manufactured using exotic and endangered species o f woo d ”. Surveys s h ow t h at more an d more peop l e are r e q uestin g g reener f unera l s in t h eir wi ll s. I sa y y ou’re neve r g reener t h an w h en y ou’re d ea d – y ou’re not usin g u p an y e lectric, gas or water, plus you do go green. My dad said he doesn’t want me wasting money on a decent funeral fo r h im. He sai d I can stic k h im in a b in b a g f or a ll h e cares. I must a d mit, t h oug h , it d oes annoy me h ow t h ey a l ways b ur y p eo pl e in nice q uiet areas. I l ive on a rea lly nois y roa d and have p roblems slee p in g cos of the racket, and y et the dead get a lovely peaceful park. Why? They could be buried under a motorway for all it matters. Motorways are always b ein g d u g u p f or roa d wor k s so w hy not s h ove a f ew b o d ies in. Two b ir d s one stone.
M o r e deat h n e w s. A w o m a n fr o m P e r u dec l a r ed c linically dead woke up as her family prepared to put her body into a co ffi n. Her name is Fe l icita G uiza b a l o Viera. S h e su ff ere d f rom cancer an d was d ec l are d d ea d by a d octor, b ut as h er f ami ly p re p are d to h o ld h er wa k e, s h e o p ene d h e r e yes. This probably happens a lot due to them being burie d in q uiet pl aces. L ik e I sai d , b ur y t h em near motorwa y s an d tra ffi c noise wi ll d e fi nite ly wa k e t h em u p i f t h e y ’re not d ea d.
Wednesday
Di d n’t see any newspapers to d ay as it never stoppe d
Mo r e bad w a r n e w s in t h e Mi dd l e E ast. I do n’ t kn o w h ow t h e y can k ee p t h is an g er u p . It’s g one on f or so l on g I ’ve f or g ot h ow it a ll starte d in t h e fi rst pl ace. T h e same ha pp ened when I watched Lor d o f t h e Rin gs .
Called me dad to see if he had any news for me.
“ Not h in g ”, h e sai d . “ Y our mam has been out and bought a new toi l et- b rus h h o ld er , b ut t h e b rus h d oesn’t fi t so s h e’s j ust usin g it to p ut fl owers in instea d .” T h e y waste not h in g , m e m a m a n d dad.
Tuesday
W o k e u p to t h e news t h at p eo pl e were h a pp ier in t h e 1960s than the y are now. This isn’t news, it’s obvious, it’s p robabl y cos they were younger back then .
It’s “Ta lk L ik e a Pirate Da y ” to d a y . I’ve never h ear d o f it b e f ore b ut a pp arent ly it ta k es pl ace ever y y ear. Peo pl e are as k e d to d ress u p l i k e p irates an d ta lk l i k e t h em. T h e y d i d n’t have time to go into the reasons behind it, but the man on t h e ra d io sai d it ma k es p eo pl e in t h e streets smi l e. O ne f e ll a h a d rea lly g ot into it by h irin g a p arrot to h ave on h is s h ou l d er. T h e report d i d n’t say w h y pirates use d to h ave parrots. M ost p irates h a d one e y e, one l e g an d a h oo k f or a h an d . I don’t know wh y p eo p le feared them. If the y were around today they’d be registered disabled and would be entitled to so many benefits they wouldn’t have to mess about looking f or treasure c h ests. I f I on ly h a d one e y e, t h ere is no wa y I w ou ld ris k l osin g t h e ot h er by h avin g a p arrot wit h a s h ar p b eak on me shoulder. I learnt nothin g from this re p ort.
Bought newspaper from my local shop. No one in there w as d resse d or ta lk ing l i k e a pirate. T h e news can ma k e t h in g s seem b i gg er t h an t h e y are, sometimes.
T h ere is ta lk o f environment- f rien dly f unera l s. T h e pa p er said, “Embalming fluid is made with formaldehyde, w hich is a carcinogen. Coffins are made from formalde hyd e- gl ue d c h i pb oar d covere d in a t h in veneer. Coffin h an dl es are usua lly ma d e o f pl astic. T h ese su b stances p o l l ute durin g manufacture and after burial. Other ex p ensive coffins are manufactured using exotic and endangered species o f woo d ”. Surveys s h ow t h at more an d more peop l e are r e q uestin g g reener f unera l s in t h eir wi ll s. I sa y y ou’re neve r g reener t h an w h en y ou’re d ea d – y ou’re not usin g u p an y e lectric, gas or water, plus you do go green. My dad said he doesn’t want me wasting money on a decent funeral fo r h im. He sai d I can stic k h im in a b in b a g f or a ll h e cares. I must a d mit, t h oug h , it d oes annoy me h ow t h ey a l ways b ur y p eo pl e in nice q uiet areas. I l ive on a rea lly nois y roa d and have p roblems slee p in g cos of the racket, and y et the dead get a lovely peaceful park. Why? They could be buried under a motorway for all it matters. Motorways are always b ein g d u g u p f or roa d wor k s so w hy not s h ove a f ew b o d ies in. Two b ir d s one stone.
M o r e deat h n e w s. A w o m a n fr o m P e r u dec l a r ed c linically dead woke up as her family prepared to put her body into a co ffi n. Her name is Fe l icita G uiza b a l o Viera. S h e su ff ere d f rom cancer an d was d ec l are d d ea d by a d octor, b ut as h er f ami ly p re p are d to h o ld h er wa k e, s h e o p ene d h e r e yes. This probably happens a lot due to them being burie d in q uiet pl aces. L ik e I sai d , b ur y t h em near motorwa y s an d tra ffi c noise wi ll d e fi nite ly wa k e t h em u p i f t h e y ’re not d ea d.
Wednesday
Di d n’t see any newspapers to d ay as it never stoppe d
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