Karla Darcy - [Sweet Deception Regency 04] by The Scandalous Ward

tonight, Daffadar."
    Leslie's chin trembled, and her eyes overflowed as Jacko opened his arms to her. She bowed her head against his chest, remembering so many other times when he had comforted her in moments of despair. The broken leg of her first pony, a fight with a friend and the final agony of her father's death. Memories floated through her mind as she clung to her lifeline of security. Then sniffing loudly, she moved away from the embrace, smiling damply.
    "Thank you, old friend. Will you talk to Manji?"
    "It will be done."
    After Jacko's departure, Leslie stared forlornly at the closed door. She wanted to curl up and forget everything. She had not slept the night before, and her brain felt soggy with myriad details that whirled in her consciousness. Standing beside the bed, she picked up the music box which once more held her birth papers. On leaden feet, Leslie carried it to the wardrobe, rummaging inside until she found her frayed portmanteau. She remembered the night she had arrived at Windhaven with the luggage clutched in her hand. She had hoped never to use it again. With a sigh, Leslie gently placed the music box in the bottom of the bag.
    As she traveled around the room, selecting and rejecting articles for her escape, five years of happy memories assailed her until the pain was almost unbearable. How she hated the thought of leaving Windhaven.
    "Bloody 'ell!"
    Hiding the portmanteau within the wardrobe, she flung herself on the bed in agony. It was not leaving Windhaven that tore her apart; it was leaving Pax.
    She could remember as clearly as if it were yesterday standing in the library on her arrival at Windhaven. From the moment her eyes had met Pax's penetrating black ones, Leslie felt as though she had come home. Her life in India and her long journey to England had led her as surely as a compass to the one place on earth she knew she would be happy. Leslie convinced herself in the ensuing years that it was the place she loved even though she recognized she was never happier than when she was in her guardian's company.
    Her first summer at Windhaven flashed through her mind in a succession of sun-filled images. Learning to swim, fish and hunt. Riding to the tenants' holdings. Tucked up on the leather sofa in the library with books of pirates and knights. Picnic lunches in the hills. Her first horse. But every frame of the pictures held another image beside the smiling boyish figure she had been at that time. Each memory enclosed Pax, his thatch of black hair blowing wildly in the wind or rumpled as his strong hands pushed it away from his forehead as he read to her. Leslie's heart swelled with her love for him.
    But she would not marry the man.
    She had seen the look of annoyance on his face as he told her they were to be married. He knew her only as his ward, a boy of fifteen. He knew nothing of the female she was or would be. He knew nothing of her hopes and dreams. Up until his discovery of her identity, he had liked Leslie, was even proud of her. This did not require any particularly deep probe of her personality. They were enjoyable companions, good friends. However, Leslie was aware of the kind of relationship required to make a good marriage. Respect, trust and friendship were the key words. Pax, in his inability to see the essence of her, could hold none of these feelings for her. And of course, he did not love her.
    Marriage without love was not to be considered, she argued stubbornly. She had spent all of her early years trying to win the love of her father. He was fond of her and perhaps in his own way he had loved her. But she knew when she was not in his presence he did not think of her or worry about her. She would not marry Pax and live in hope that someday he would return her affection. Crossing the room she threw herself on the bed, exhausted by the emotional upheavals of the day.
    The only good thing to come out of the "great discovery", was that Cecily had departed. Leslie recalled how