stuff them back in. I had no time to catch them and form my lies. I was terrified to hear the truth spew forth in a waterfall.
"I'm living this life where everything I do is wrong, everything I say is stupid. I keep making mistake after mistake and I don't know how to get free of it. Everything I do just pulls me further into this hole and I don't even know which way is up anymore."
I blushed at having revealed so much and hung my head. When his fingers brushed across my arm, I nearly jumped out of my skin. "It's your life," he said simply.
"Is it?" I felt tears gathering at the edges of my eyes. People were passing us on the sidewalk, a million eyes there to see me losing my mind. "Is it mine?"
He pulled back. "If this ain't what you want, then change it. Fight back. Do what you want to do."
I coughed and looked down at the sidewalk. What I wanted to do was have him kiss me again like he had last night. "So you didn't answer my question."
"What was that?" He sounded impatient.
"How're you getting home?"
He gestured up the block. "The El runs right by my place."
"Do you have to get back quickly?"
He raised his eyebrows. "No. Not exactly."
"I'm going to tell you what I want then."
He crossed his arms, making the leather squeak. "And what's that." It wasn't a question.
"I want," I swallowed. "I mean I'd like it, if you'd come with me."
He blinked. I saw a little smile quicken then die on his lips. He looked wary again. "Where are you going?"
I grinned. "Art Museum?"
The tension in his face drained immediately and he burst out laughing. "Are you kidding me? You must be high." He gestured at himself, making me look him up and down, taking in the tattoos, the leather, the muscles. I didn't mind the invitation.
"Okay fine," I pouted. "Then how about just to the steps?"
He laughed. "You wanna do that Rocky shit?"
"We can if you really want," I teased.
J. nodded, slowly at first, then faster as the idea took hold. "But ain't you got a fiancé?"
"I do. But I kinda really need a friend right now." I knew it was true the moment I said it.
Beyond the butterflies in my stomach that fluttered to life the minute I saw him, there was also a calm that came over me when we spoke. He listened to me in a way I had never experienced before. He seemed to consider my words carefully and then choose his own with equal care. I needed to know someone heard me. Especially since I still couldn't figure out what I wanted to say.
Once more I saw a thousand emotions flash across his beautiful face. I was expecting most of them. I wasn't expecting disappointment.
"Okay Emmy," he agreed. His voice was low and husky. "I can do that. Let's go."
"Great! I'll grab a cab!"
He groaned audibly. "You're gonna take me to a museum and make me ride in a cage to get there?"
I stopped cold. "Okay, you don't have to go, it's fine." I turned away so he couldn't see my face crumble.
A warm hand brushed my cheek. "Hey, I'm just messing with you. I'll do whatever you want to do Emmy. That's what friends do. Just promise me one thing."
"What's that?"
He pressed his lips together in mock pain. "Please don't ever tell my brothers you got me to ride in a cage."
Chapter 15
Emmy
The ride up the Parkway was the longest cab ride of my life. J. sat stiffly beside me. He looked incredibly uncomfortable. His huge frame barely fit into the backseat of the taxi. His long legs were bent awkwardly and his knee kept brushing mine. I shifted to make him more comfortable, but I hoped it would happen again.
The cab smelled like Cheetos and body odor. The cabbie had his radio on so loud we couldn't talk, but the air was thick with something besides the scent of unwashed skin. I had asked him to be my friend, and he had agreed willingly. I wondered how long I was going to be able to keep my true feelings in check. It would certainly be impossible if we were smashed together for much longer.
He shifted again as we rounded Eakins Oval. "Sorry, I can't...." He
"I'm living this life where everything I do is wrong, everything I say is stupid. I keep making mistake after mistake and I don't know how to get free of it. Everything I do just pulls me further into this hole and I don't even know which way is up anymore."
I blushed at having revealed so much and hung my head. When his fingers brushed across my arm, I nearly jumped out of my skin. "It's your life," he said simply.
"Is it?" I felt tears gathering at the edges of my eyes. People were passing us on the sidewalk, a million eyes there to see me losing my mind. "Is it mine?"
He pulled back. "If this ain't what you want, then change it. Fight back. Do what you want to do."
I coughed and looked down at the sidewalk. What I wanted to do was have him kiss me again like he had last night. "So you didn't answer my question."
"What was that?" He sounded impatient.
"How're you getting home?"
He gestured up the block. "The El runs right by my place."
"Do you have to get back quickly?"
He raised his eyebrows. "No. Not exactly."
"I'm going to tell you what I want then."
He crossed his arms, making the leather squeak. "And what's that." It wasn't a question.
"I want," I swallowed. "I mean I'd like it, if you'd come with me."
He blinked. I saw a little smile quicken then die on his lips. He looked wary again. "Where are you going?"
I grinned. "Art Museum?"
The tension in his face drained immediately and he burst out laughing. "Are you kidding me? You must be high." He gestured at himself, making me look him up and down, taking in the tattoos, the leather, the muscles. I didn't mind the invitation.
"Okay fine," I pouted. "Then how about just to the steps?"
He laughed. "You wanna do that Rocky shit?"
"We can if you really want," I teased.
J. nodded, slowly at first, then faster as the idea took hold. "But ain't you got a fiancé?"
"I do. But I kinda really need a friend right now." I knew it was true the moment I said it.
Beyond the butterflies in my stomach that fluttered to life the minute I saw him, there was also a calm that came over me when we spoke. He listened to me in a way I had never experienced before. He seemed to consider my words carefully and then choose his own with equal care. I needed to know someone heard me. Especially since I still couldn't figure out what I wanted to say.
Once more I saw a thousand emotions flash across his beautiful face. I was expecting most of them. I wasn't expecting disappointment.
"Okay Emmy," he agreed. His voice was low and husky. "I can do that. Let's go."
"Great! I'll grab a cab!"
He groaned audibly. "You're gonna take me to a museum and make me ride in a cage to get there?"
I stopped cold. "Okay, you don't have to go, it's fine." I turned away so he couldn't see my face crumble.
A warm hand brushed my cheek. "Hey, I'm just messing with you. I'll do whatever you want to do Emmy. That's what friends do. Just promise me one thing."
"What's that?"
He pressed his lips together in mock pain. "Please don't ever tell my brothers you got me to ride in a cage."
Chapter 15
Emmy
The ride up the Parkway was the longest cab ride of my life. J. sat stiffly beside me. He looked incredibly uncomfortable. His huge frame barely fit into the backseat of the taxi. His long legs were bent awkwardly and his knee kept brushing mine. I shifted to make him more comfortable, but I hoped it would happen again.
The cab smelled like Cheetos and body odor. The cabbie had his radio on so loud we couldn't talk, but the air was thick with something besides the scent of unwashed skin. I had asked him to be my friend, and he had agreed willingly. I wondered how long I was going to be able to keep my true feelings in check. It would certainly be impossible if we were smashed together for much longer.
He shifted again as we rounded Eakins Oval. "Sorry, I can't...." He
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