stopped at the sink to wash my hands. My brain was still fuzzy with sleep, so I wasn’t thinking clearly. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my body in distinct snapshots. Reddened nipples. Love bites on my chest. White, crusty dried release on my stomach. I clenched my ass and felt the unfamiliar sensation of skin and muscle that had been touched and used for the first time. Almost as if it were connected by a wire, my dick immediately began filling.
What was wrong with me? I looked like I had been ravished. Hell, I had been ravaged. I had lain in that bed and let a man have complete dominion over me, over even the most intimate parts of my body. That shouldn’t be a turn-on. I was stronger than that. I had to be.
Hello, Mister Morning After Regret. I didn’t realize you came to visit when no alcohol was involved, but I’m not surprised you made a special exception for me.
I stumbled out of the bathroom, hurried through the house, and gathered my clothes. Two minutes later, I was outside, walking barefoot to my car, with my socks and shoes in my hand and an emptiness I refused to acknowledge forming in my chest.
My intention was to drive home, scrub myself clean, and find a way to get my life under control. So I was surprised when I found myself parked in front of my brother’s house. I mean, yeah, I had driven there and everything, so it wasn’t as if it should’ve been a shocker. But there it was.
Well, as long as I was there, I might as well stop in to say hello. I wasn’t in his neighborhood all that often, after all, and it would be rude to just leave without…. Whatever, I needed help, and my subconscious had taken me to my brother’s house. Good to know part of me was still capable of making a rational decision. I put my shoes on without bothering with socks, put one foot in front of the other, and rang Noah’s doorbell.
It took a while for him to answer, and when he finally did, I coughed and looked down. Noah was stark naked, glaring at me. “What the fuck, Ben? Is someone dead?”
“Huh?” I asked intelligently.
“It’s six in the morning,” he grumbled, but then he stepped aside and waved his arm back and forth. “Come in, come in.”
I walked into his house and moved toward the family room on autopilot, settling into the corner of the couch. “Sorry. I forgot how early it is. Did I wake you guys up?”
“It’s fine. Clark’s still asleep, and I’ll catch a nap later.” He settled into the armchair across from me and stretched his long legs in front of him, completely comfortable in his own skin.
How had we grown up in the same house? I couldn’t conceive of sitting on furniture naked. My father’s disapproving voice was practically shouting in my head just from the thought of it.
I know, I know. My parents spend way too much time in my head. I need help.
Look, I was trying, okay? I wasn’t perfect, far from it, but I really was trying.
I gathered my courage and looked at my brother. “I have a question.”
“Ninety-six.” His face was completely expressionless.
“What?”
“You said you had a question,” he responded. “And I gave you an answer. Ninety-six. Make it work.”
That was usually the point in a conversation with my brother where I gave up and changed the topic to sports or work or the weather. But this was too important for me to give up, so I forced myself to drudge forward. “Can you please try to take me seriously for once? I think something’s wrong with me, Noah, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
I folded my arms over my knees and dropped my face down, trying to guard myself from his reaction. He was quiet for a long time, longer than I thought possible with my outspoken brother. Then I heard him sigh before he started talking. “There’s nothing wrong with you that you can’t fix. I’m just spit-ballin’ here, but maybe if you just stopped fuckin’ hiding and pretending to be someone you’re not, well maybe then you
What was wrong with me? I looked like I had been ravished. Hell, I had been ravaged. I had lain in that bed and let a man have complete dominion over me, over even the most intimate parts of my body. That shouldn’t be a turn-on. I was stronger than that. I had to be.
Hello, Mister Morning After Regret. I didn’t realize you came to visit when no alcohol was involved, but I’m not surprised you made a special exception for me.
I stumbled out of the bathroom, hurried through the house, and gathered my clothes. Two minutes later, I was outside, walking barefoot to my car, with my socks and shoes in my hand and an emptiness I refused to acknowledge forming in my chest.
My intention was to drive home, scrub myself clean, and find a way to get my life under control. So I was surprised when I found myself parked in front of my brother’s house. I mean, yeah, I had driven there and everything, so it wasn’t as if it should’ve been a shocker. But there it was.
Well, as long as I was there, I might as well stop in to say hello. I wasn’t in his neighborhood all that often, after all, and it would be rude to just leave without…. Whatever, I needed help, and my subconscious had taken me to my brother’s house. Good to know part of me was still capable of making a rational decision. I put my shoes on without bothering with socks, put one foot in front of the other, and rang Noah’s doorbell.
It took a while for him to answer, and when he finally did, I coughed and looked down. Noah was stark naked, glaring at me. “What the fuck, Ben? Is someone dead?”
“Huh?” I asked intelligently.
“It’s six in the morning,” he grumbled, but then he stepped aside and waved his arm back and forth. “Come in, come in.”
I walked into his house and moved toward the family room on autopilot, settling into the corner of the couch. “Sorry. I forgot how early it is. Did I wake you guys up?”
“It’s fine. Clark’s still asleep, and I’ll catch a nap later.” He settled into the armchair across from me and stretched his long legs in front of him, completely comfortable in his own skin.
How had we grown up in the same house? I couldn’t conceive of sitting on furniture naked. My father’s disapproving voice was practically shouting in my head just from the thought of it.
I know, I know. My parents spend way too much time in my head. I need help.
Look, I was trying, okay? I wasn’t perfect, far from it, but I really was trying.
I gathered my courage and looked at my brother. “I have a question.”
“Ninety-six.” His face was completely expressionless.
“What?”
“You said you had a question,” he responded. “And I gave you an answer. Ninety-six. Make it work.”
That was usually the point in a conversation with my brother where I gave up and changed the topic to sports or work or the weather. But this was too important for me to give up, so I forced myself to drudge forward. “Can you please try to take me seriously for once? I think something’s wrong with me, Noah, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
I folded my arms over my knees and dropped my face down, trying to guard myself from his reaction. He was quiet for a long time, longer than I thought possible with my outspoken brother. Then I heard him sigh before he started talking. “There’s nothing wrong with you that you can’t fix. I’m just spit-ballin’ here, but maybe if you just stopped fuckin’ hiding and pretending to be someone you’re not, well maybe then you
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