Just What the Truth Is by Cardeno C. Page A

wouldn’t be so damn miserable all the time.”
    I looked up at him and wondered how he knew how unhappy I had been for so long. I thought I had been doing such a good job hiding my feelings under a plastic smile and carefree demeanor. “What if what I am is… broken or wrong, somehow?”
    What if what I am will disappoint our parents? I didn’t ask that question because I knew how little our parents’ opinions mattered to him. Besides, processing the sex from the previous night was enough of a challenge to address in one conversation.
    “Look, Ben, I’m not a mind reader. Tell me what’s going on with you. Just say it. I seriously doubt you’re as fucked up as you seem to think. And if you are, well, you know I won’t pull any punches.”
    That was true. If I could count on Noah for one thing, it was raw honesty. I plunged ahead. “I met someone. A guy.” I looked at the floor and noticed my foot tapping restlessly.
    “Better late than never,” Noah said under his breath.
    I shook my head. “You don’t understand. When I’m with him, I can’t… I don’t know. I can’t think straight or something.”
    He chuckled. “What’s the problem here? Seems to me you’re finally heading in the right direction. Thinking straight’s been the issue all along.”
    I looked my brother in the eyes, imploring him to understand and not make fun of me. “He did things to me, and I let him,” I blurted out.
    Noah’s expression hardened immediately. “He hurt you?” He got up and walked over to me, looking over my face and body slowly. “Who is he? What’d he do to you? I’ll fuckin’ kill him.”
    Noah was younger than me, but he was bigger, stronger, and generally angrier, which made him a formidable opponent. I should know, because I was usually on the receiving end of his threats, and then some. That was the first time in my entire life that my brother had been protective of me or expressed any sort of concern over my well-being. I was shocked and pleased in equal parts, so it took me a few moments to answer. Eventually, I shook my head. “No, it wasn’t like that. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I wanted him to do those things.”
    The tension left his shoulders, and he sat next to me on the couch. “What, like he spanked you or tied you up or something?”
    I gasped and shook my head. “No! Nothing that awful. Jesus, do people actually do sick things like that?” Sex talk with my friends had always been about women with particularly big tits or maybe flexible bodies. Bondage had never entered the equation. “Maybe you’re right. If there are actually people messed up enough to do that shit, then I guess I’m better off than I thought.”
    Noah got up from the couch and walked back over to his chair, dragging his fingers through his hair in a clear display of frustration. “You’re a special kind of stupid, aren’t you, Ben?”
    And the normal Noah was back. I wondered how I could have concerned-brother Noah hang around for just a little bit longer. “What I’m trying to tell you is….” I swallowed hard and shut my eyes for a couple of seconds before I found the courage to continue. “When we were together, I wasn’t the guy, you know?”
    “You weren’t the guy?” Noah looked like he was barely containing a smirk.
    “Come on, Noah, don’t make me say it. You know what I mean.”
    “Yeah, I know what you mean, Ben. But you’re both guys. That’s the whole point, and what you do with each other in bed doesn’t change that.” He took a deep breath, seemingly trying to rein in his usual verbal attacks. “Let’s just move on. Did you get off on it?”
    My blush seemed to be all the answer he needed.
    “Okay, I think I’ve got the picture. You met a guy and hit it off. You had sex, good sex if the look on your face right now is any indication, but every silver lining has a cloud, and you’ve managed to find it. So now you’re freaking out because you bottomed and liked