he gets upset. It drove me crazy, that's why I ..." He sighed again. "So, what, are you seeing him? Living with him?"
"Yeah." Luke could have smacked himself. "No! I mean, I am living with him. Last night he told me what happened to him, with the ... girl and ..."
"And today he's gone?" guessed Charlie. "Yeah, he's ... Cooper's got a lot of guilt. I mean, I tried to help him through it, but it was just too much for me, you know? You should make sure you know what you're getting yourself into, is all."
"I'm not really ... getting myself into anything. I just wanted to know if he's okay."
"Yeah." Charlie paused again, sounding irritable. "Yeah, he'll be fine. He just likes to disappear and make you worry about him. Sorry, no, he doesn't do it because of that. Listen, he's got lots of friends ... or he did. Lots of people worried about him, at least. He'll find somewhere to stay and then he'll come back when he's ready. Don't worry about him."
"I don't know if I can help that," said Luke, more to himself than to Charlie.
"Yeah well. Don't beat yourself up. He kind of ... sucks you in. Makes you care more about him than yourself. He's selfish."
"He doesn't seem that way to me. Maybe he's changed."
He could almost hear Charlie's disbelief in the silence before he spoke. "Yeah, maybe. Luke, right? Good talk."
"Thanks," said Luke, and the line went dead halfway through.
He lay back on the couch, letting out the tense breath he had been holding throughout the phone call. So, Cooper was probably okay. That was really the only positive of the phone call. Maybe now he could sleep.
He got ready for bed in a daze, changing into his pyjamas and slipping in between the soft sheets. Maybe Cooper was selfish. Luke had to admit he had very little experience with relationships in which the other person wasn't trying to use or control him. His aunts, Brody ... but Cooper had seemed so different. Maybe not at the beginning, and maybe Luke was just sugar-coating it, but Cooper had said himself that he didn't really want anything from Luke besides company. Didn't that mean he actually liked Luke?
His thoughts drifted, and logic began to escape him. What had he been thinking about again? Something to do with Cooper? Maybe Cooper would be back tomorrow ... maybe he could make Luke breakfast. Luke hoped so. He hadn't eaten dinner, and he was hungry.
*~*~*
The house was silent when he awoke, and it was obvious that Cooper hadn't returned in the night. Luke's hunger propelled him out of bed, and he went and fixed himself a bowl of cereal. He was really starting to worry about Cooper now; the dread festered in the pit of his stomach. What if he never came back? What would Luke do? Should he call the police? But Charlie had said he did this all the time and that he'd come back when he was ready.
Luke got up and dumped the leftover milk down the sink. He was starting to get a little miffed at Cooper too. Didn't he know how much Luke must be worrying? Didn't he care?
That doubt again. Did Cooper even care about Luke at all? Or did he just want him for his body? Luke didn't know why the idea upset him so much. It wasn't as if people didn't try to make him do and feel things all the time. Maybe it was just the last straw. Or maybe it was because, despite every reason not to, he was starting to like Cooper quite a bit. And he hoped—he really hoped—that Cooper liked him back too; as more than just a plaything.
Of course, Cooper had said as much, that he didn't, couldn't, just play with Luke. But he'd also said that he wanted to, and that he'd only been stopped by his guilty conscience. So did that make him any better, really? Luke didn't know, and it bothered him that he didn't know, especially when the answer decided whether or not Cooper really cared for him.
Luke was lucky he didn't have to attend any classes today. He didn't think he could focus. But hanging around the house going insane with worry didn't seem like a very appealing
C. J. Cherryh
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