happen. Right? On any day of the week really but on Saturday afternoon especially. And when the news is that big. Well. The place was going nuts. They decided to spike the whole paper and go to press with just 4 pages. Anyone who’d made it in to the office was set to work. I was one of the last to arrive. There were roadblocks everywhere by this time. The tube was out. People couldn’t get around. So we had junior court reporters knocking up profiles of the possible terror suspects. The football editor was doing 15 hundred words on I SAW HELL . They had bloody 16-year-old interns for Christ’s sake pulling together REACTION FROM AROUND THE WORLD . There were 3 hours till deadline. The chief sub had a heart attack. He actually fell down dead on his keyboard. It was insane. You should have seen it.
—Nah. You’re alright. It doesn’t sound like my cup of tea.
—Nor mine, said Jasper. I just wanted to grab Petra and get us out of there as soon as humanly possible. But Petra wasn’t in her office. I asked around and nobody knew where she was. I started to worry. I was beside myself. I thought maybe something had happened to her in all the panic. And it had. Of course. Petra being Petra.
—Was she alright?
—More than alright, said Jasper. I found her in the editor’s office writing the leader. She was the only person in the building not running around like a headless chicken. I saw her through the glass wall. She was sitting there very calm and composed drinking a Diet Coke and writing 500 words on A NATION UNITED IN HORROR . I watched her nails clicking on the keyboard. Petra has lovely nails. I tapped on the glass and she looked up at me. That’s when it hit me. She looked at me as though I were a complete stranger. There was just this look of absolute blank incomprehension on her face. Then slowly I watched it change. I could see the precise moment when she recognised me. Me. Her partner of 6 years. Then I saw her raise one of those lovely manicured hands to her mouth and gasp. And I knew. She wasn’t gasping because I looked a mess with my broken nose and blood on my jacket. She wasn’t gasping from relief that I’d survived. She was gasping because this was the first moment since it had happened that she had even remembered my existence in the world. And she knew that I saw this.
Jasper wasn’t looking at me any more. He was looking out of the window. He was talking quietly.
—So I stepped in to the editor’s office. Petra took her hands off the keyboard but she held them hovering just above it. As if I were interrupting her for fuck’s sake. We didn’t say anything. We just stared at each other for a minute and then I walked out. I walked all the way home 5 miles through the chaos. My face was swelling up and people were saying things to me that I couldn’t hear. It was like watching fishes in an aquarium. I just walked home and sat there very quietly on the sofa and when it got dark I just sat in the dark. Thinking. Petra turned up around 10 p.m. and switched the lights on. Look she said I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I’m glad you’re fine. I’m not fine I said to her. I can’t believe you would go to work before you even thought about me. Oh god Jas said Petra. I’ve said I’m sorry. But they let me write the leader. The leader Jas. Don’t you understand? They ran my leader word for word. This is just the hugest thing for me.
Jasper sighed. He looked pale green in the fluorescents on the ward.
—I just looked at her, he said. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so low. I looked at Petra and I thought god you are so pretty and so clever and so much fun and such a total fucking cold heartless bitch. And I could see her looking at me and thinking don’t do this to me you prick don’t make me feel guilty when I know damn well you’ve been playing away from home. She knows you see. She knows about you and me. God knows how but she knows. Maybe she just saw it in my eyes. So
—Nah. You’re alright. It doesn’t sound like my cup of tea.
—Nor mine, said Jasper. I just wanted to grab Petra and get us out of there as soon as humanly possible. But Petra wasn’t in her office. I asked around and nobody knew where she was. I started to worry. I was beside myself. I thought maybe something had happened to her in all the panic. And it had. Of course. Petra being Petra.
—Was she alright?
—More than alright, said Jasper. I found her in the editor’s office writing the leader. She was the only person in the building not running around like a headless chicken. I saw her through the glass wall. She was sitting there very calm and composed drinking a Diet Coke and writing 500 words on A NATION UNITED IN HORROR . I watched her nails clicking on the keyboard. Petra has lovely nails. I tapped on the glass and she looked up at me. That’s when it hit me. She looked at me as though I were a complete stranger. There was just this look of absolute blank incomprehension on her face. Then slowly I watched it change. I could see the precise moment when she recognised me. Me. Her partner of 6 years. Then I saw her raise one of those lovely manicured hands to her mouth and gasp. And I knew. She wasn’t gasping because I looked a mess with my broken nose and blood on my jacket. She wasn’t gasping from relief that I’d survived. She was gasping because this was the first moment since it had happened that she had even remembered my existence in the world. And she knew that I saw this.
Jasper wasn’t looking at me any more. He was looking out of the window. He was talking quietly.
—So I stepped in to the editor’s office. Petra took her hands off the keyboard but she held them hovering just above it. As if I were interrupting her for fuck’s sake. We didn’t say anything. We just stared at each other for a minute and then I walked out. I walked all the way home 5 miles through the chaos. My face was swelling up and people were saying things to me that I couldn’t hear. It was like watching fishes in an aquarium. I just walked home and sat there very quietly on the sofa and when it got dark I just sat in the dark. Thinking. Petra turned up around 10 p.m. and switched the lights on. Look she said I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I’m glad you’re fine. I’m not fine I said to her. I can’t believe you would go to work before you even thought about me. Oh god Jas said Petra. I’ve said I’m sorry. But they let me write the leader. The leader Jas. Don’t you understand? They ran my leader word for word. This is just the hugest thing for me.
Jasper sighed. He looked pale green in the fluorescents on the ward.
—I just looked at her, he said. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so low. I looked at Petra and I thought god you are so pretty and so clever and so much fun and such a total fucking cold heartless bitch. And I could see her looking at me and thinking don’t do this to me you prick don’t make me feel guilty when I know damn well you’ve been playing away from home. She knows you see. She knows about you and me. God knows how but she knows. Maybe she just saw it in my eyes. So
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